I have but a few minutes before I begin training a co-worker so I thought I'd write a short post.
Ever since Sunday I've been on cloud 9. I had a long (and I do mean long-like 'til 3am long) talk with my Pastor who also happens to be my friend. Having known him for almost 4 years, we have developed a friendship and he is almost like an older brother to me. Never once have I questioned his motives or his genuine concern for me and he is definitely one of those people that knows me and really gets me. I suppose he is that way with all people (and since he's a pastor, that works well for him) but I appreciate him investing his time and energy into me. We've had rough spots but I wouldn't trade any of our experiences for anything. From choir tour to college ministry to praise team to sitting up 'til all hours of the night laughing and cutting up...I truly admire and respect him.
So this conversation Sunday involved a broad range of topics-Cleveland, mutual friends, family, the TX women's conference, our church, and a lot of other things I'm sure I've forgotten. But the most important discussion we had was regarding me-of all things. I didn't anticipate it at all but I decided to confront him about something he had told me weeks earlier. He had hinted to me that he had something he wanted me to be praying about and that he would tell me "later". I thought he meant later that week but after his family going on Spring Break and me being gone for Easter, weeks have now gone by. I have thought about it but part of me has been to scared to ask. But I finally did and am so glad that we've talked it through. And although I can't share publicly what he has asked, I will say that I know that it is an answer to prayer.
For the past few months, I've been earnestly praying and seeking God for my niche and how I can best serve my church. Most of you who read this know I have felt called to the ministry ever since I was an young teenager. It started out in missions (which I do still feel a passion for but in a different arena-but that's for another post) and has since spread to women/girls and youth. I really just love people and want to do whatever I can to advance the Kingdom. I have been in such turmoil about how to use my talents and abilities and have longed for God to present opportunities for me to serve. Next to music (specifically praise and worship), the local church is my biggest passion and I have always been blessed to have the chance to serve at each church I've attended whether it be through singing, teaching, organizing, planning, or just general assistance. And I've loved every minute of it. I've just been waiting for that opportunity here at Canaanland. Now that it's here, I'm literally gleeful at all the possibilities and the ways our church will be enhanced. It excites me to know that I'll get to play a part in this new phase of our church's life. Things have been on an upswing for us lately and with our upcoming revival, I truly feel that we are going to experience a spiritual shift and see God take us to a deeper level. I feel like ever since my conversation with Pastor Sunday, I've already started the plunge and I know He has prepared me for such a time as this.
Ok, I know this doesn't make sense to many of you but I promise to post as soon as everything goes public. I am amazed at the undeserved blessings God is giving me! He is faithful and good and I pray His love shines down on each of you today!
In Him,
~BB
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. ~Psalm 73:26
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Tying Up Loose Ends
My first order of business in my new era of blogging, is to complete the 5 drafts of entries I have saved in my account. So here's the first...
When I began this blog, I did not give very in depth personal information but in order to understand this entry, you'll need to know about my job. Prior to coming to TX in September, I had been faxing, e-mailing, and snail mailing my resume/transcripts in preparation for the move. I was unaware of some of the businesses I was applying with because of the anonymity of their classified ads. Upon arriving the stepfather of my boyfriend at the time had orchestrated an interview in the first week I was here but I wasn't interested in the high stress environment that came with the job. The second week of my stay I received a phone call from the office manager of an insurance agency that I had unknowingly applied to wanting me to come in for an interview to which I willingly obliged. This opportunity scared me somewhat because I do not possess the ability to be a salesperson and I knew walking into the interview that insurance sales was not for me. Thankfully, the position I had applied for was simply clerical and I would only be working with processing commercial policy renewals and submitting rating for personal policies. I took the position and have been here ever since. The office consists of 4 producers (the top dogs who act as sales people), 3 personal lines CSRs, 2 commercial lines CSRs, 1 receptionist/bookkeeper, 1 full-time bookkeeper, 1 billing specialist, and me. Out of the 13 people employed at this local, family-owned agency, 10 of us are women.
My past employment, since I've been out of school, has always consisted of mostly men. When I worked at Lee University (the college I graduated from), I was the department secretary for a group of 8 men and 3 women. I loved it! The environment was relaxed and entertaining at the very least and that has been my favorite job by far (for many other reasons as well). At the construction/real estate company, there were 6 men and 3 women. While this one wasn't the most fun, the men and I loved to joke and patronize each other (in only the best ways) although the women also found me to be a confidant and friend. Thanks to these periods of employment, I have adjusted well to working with men. My sense of humor seems to be one they can relate to and I also am interested (however not completely knowledgeable) in popular conversation topics-sports and politics.
This pattern has been consistent since high school during which time I had mostly male friends (thanks to my little brother) and then carried on into college where my closest friends were males (with the occasional female thrown into the mix). Now, I'm not sure what this says about me. I don't flirt incessantly or constantly beg for attention. I tend to think that since I grew up with 2 brothers, I have a better understanding of men and their behaviors. ***Notice I did NOT say that I understand men and their behaviors, I simply have a better understanding.*** I also read any material I come across that better explains males and spend countless hours analyzing them. At best, I've reached Level 1 of the approximately 5,673,498 levels that men possess.
Needless to say, this new work environment has left me yearning for past days when work was direct, straightforward and honest. This new world of women I find myself in has been catty, manipulative and anything but honest. I consider myself to be, for the most part, a direct and morally upstanding person. I have especially tried to be such with this employer as 11 of the other 12 employees do not have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior (as I have observed over the past 7 months). The circumstances surrounding the initial draft of this entry were very tense causing me to feel much turmoil at the time. A second situation arose 2 weeks ago again leading to much turmoil and I must say, I am ready for the office drama to end. I am learning that it is best for me to stay in my corner of the office and do my best to avoid the drama-or at least come to me if it's going to come-instead of me getting involved. To be such a small office, I've observed quite a bit of office politics which is strange to me. We aren't an insurance chain so politicking isn't going to allow for any advancement. We aren't expanding so there again, no possibility for promotion. At best, a pay raise or heavier work load would be the method of payment for any personal reward.
Ah, the joys of working with women. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we allow such juvenile behavior among ourselves? What satisfaction is there in ripping each other apart behind closed doors giving the person being "ripped" no opportunity to defend themselves? The most any person could be in this situation is a coward-too fearful of speaking directly to the object of concern to do so. So instead of confronting the issues and resolving matters in the least amount of time with the least pain inflicted, we drag out the drama and, sometimes proudly, wave it around like a war wound. If we feel justified, we are sure to let everyone else know the "true" character of the other party. And by "venting" our anger and frustration, we tend to involve innocent bystanders, though we may call them friends, who have absolutely nothing to do with the situation but still get caught up in the chaos we create. So at the end of the day, something as simple as someone not speaking to us has escalated into an entire office soap opera involving everyone and their mother's cousin's ex-wife's husband's twice-removed step-aunt causing tension among not only those involved but those who aren't directly involved. And all we have to show for it is an office full of people who are confused about the situation walking around on eggshells as they spread the latest developments.
But the really depressing thought about all of this is that it doesn't stop with "worldy", "secular" women. Church women are just as guilty. I myself have fallen victim to my wrath or envy and said very hurtful words about women I worship with from week to week. Too often, I allow the enemy to convince me that belittling others is the only way for me achieve success and prosperity. Now there is a lot wrong with that statement. First of all, my success and prosperity matter nothing if I am not making a difference in the world for Jesus' sake. Secondly, the only way I achieve anything is through the grace and power of the Holy Spirit in me. And when I take it upon myself to tell others everything that is wrong with them or anyone else, I step out of the will of God and release His hand of protection from my life. Now I don't know about you but I don't consider trash talking about anyone or any subject worth me sacrificing the hand of God on my life. There is no justifiable reason for me to utter a single word and allow the devil to gain any ground in my life.
Ok, let me set something straight-I have not conquered this vice. Unfortunately, my need to save the world often warrants me to sometimes feel that I have a right to share my plan of renovation with the world. (As if anyone is going to listen...) And so, in the heat of the moment with my emotions running full-throttle, I unleash my tongue and have a critique-fest. Though these fests don't usually involve anyone outside of my close circle of friends, my point is that they should not even occur.
I was created to uplift and encourage. Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." My words are important because "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaketh." (Matthew 12:34) So whatever proceeds from my lips, has already passed through my heart. That's a scary thought. The other Scripture that puts this into perspective is Proverbs 18:21, " The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." I, me, myself, Bethany, have the power to speak words of life and positivity but yet many times I choose the opposite and speak negativity and kill with my tongue. James also says so much about taming the tongue which he calls a fire. The application I gather from him is this: How I can expect a perfect, holy and good God to bless me when one minute I am singing His praises and worshiping Him for His awesome acts of power and love and the next I am tearing someone's character to shreds and speaking ill of His creation?
I explained it to my 12-14 year olds that I teach in Sunday School this way (as I have preached for many years)- When we criticize others, especially the way they look, talk or dress, we are criticizing God Himself. In Genesis 1:27 the Bible says that God created male and female in His image. As a result, not only should we be a reflection of Him but others are a reflection of Him. I know this doesn't not mean that all people act like God but I'm not responsible for every one else. (Oh my goodness, I sound like my mother.) During my time on this earth, I am solely responsible for my words and deeds and I should do my best to fashion myself after my heavenly Father and His Son, who are both perfect. So until I reach that goal (ummm...never!) I have no room to criticize others.
Wow, this post took a completely different and unexpected direction than I first intended. But I've said a lot here that I've wanted to say for a long time. I confess that I'm not perfect and I will never even try to convey that I am but I vow to do a better job of reining in my tongue. And I will consciously make an effort to pray for people that I would rather vent about. And I will not put my friends in the awkward position of having to listen to my grumblings and then react they way I feel they should. Instead, I will do my best to take my concerns to the only person who can truly help-my Jesus.
Be encouraged!
Blessings,
~BB
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. ~Psalm 73:26
When I began this blog, I did not give very in depth personal information but in order to understand this entry, you'll need to know about my job. Prior to coming to TX in September, I had been faxing, e-mailing, and snail mailing my resume/transcripts in preparation for the move. I was unaware of some of the businesses I was applying with because of the anonymity of their classified ads. Upon arriving the stepfather of my boyfriend at the time had orchestrated an interview in the first week I was here but I wasn't interested in the high stress environment that came with the job. The second week of my stay I received a phone call from the office manager of an insurance agency that I had unknowingly applied to wanting me to come in for an interview to which I willingly obliged. This opportunity scared me somewhat because I do not possess the ability to be a salesperson and I knew walking into the interview that insurance sales was not for me. Thankfully, the position I had applied for was simply clerical and I would only be working with processing commercial policy renewals and submitting rating for personal policies. I took the position and have been here ever since. The office consists of 4 producers (the top dogs who act as sales people), 3 personal lines CSRs, 2 commercial lines CSRs, 1 receptionist/bookkeeper, 1 full-time bookkeeper, 1 billing specialist, and me. Out of the 13 people employed at this local, family-owned agency, 10 of us are women.
My past employment, since I've been out of school, has always consisted of mostly men. When I worked at Lee University (the college I graduated from), I was the department secretary for a group of 8 men and 3 women. I loved it! The environment was relaxed and entertaining at the very least and that has been my favorite job by far (for many other reasons as well). At the construction/real estate company, there were 6 men and 3 women. While this one wasn't the most fun, the men and I loved to joke and patronize each other (in only the best ways) although the women also found me to be a confidant and friend. Thanks to these periods of employment, I have adjusted well to working with men. My sense of humor seems to be one they can relate to and I also am interested (however not completely knowledgeable) in popular conversation topics-sports and politics.
This pattern has been consistent since high school during which time I had mostly male friends (thanks to my little brother) and then carried on into college where my closest friends were males (with the occasional female thrown into the mix). Now, I'm not sure what this says about me. I don't flirt incessantly or constantly beg for attention. I tend to think that since I grew up with 2 brothers, I have a better understanding of men and their behaviors. ***Notice I did NOT say that I understand men and their behaviors, I simply have a better understanding.*** I also read any material I come across that better explains males and spend countless hours analyzing them. At best, I've reached Level 1 of the approximately 5,673,498 levels that men possess.
Needless to say, this new work environment has left me yearning for past days when work was direct, straightforward and honest. This new world of women I find myself in has been catty, manipulative and anything but honest. I consider myself to be, for the most part, a direct and morally upstanding person. I have especially tried to be such with this employer as 11 of the other 12 employees do not have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior (as I have observed over the past 7 months). The circumstances surrounding the initial draft of this entry were very tense causing me to feel much turmoil at the time. A second situation arose 2 weeks ago again leading to much turmoil and I must say, I am ready for the office drama to end. I am learning that it is best for me to stay in my corner of the office and do my best to avoid the drama-or at least come to me if it's going to come-instead of me getting involved. To be such a small office, I've observed quite a bit of office politics which is strange to me. We aren't an insurance chain so politicking isn't going to allow for any advancement. We aren't expanding so there again, no possibility for promotion. At best, a pay raise or heavier work load would be the method of payment for any personal reward.
Ah, the joys of working with women. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we allow such juvenile behavior among ourselves? What satisfaction is there in ripping each other apart behind closed doors giving the person being "ripped" no opportunity to defend themselves? The most any person could be in this situation is a coward-too fearful of speaking directly to the object of concern to do so. So instead of confronting the issues and resolving matters in the least amount of time with the least pain inflicted, we drag out the drama and, sometimes proudly, wave it around like a war wound. If we feel justified, we are sure to let everyone else know the "true" character of the other party. And by "venting" our anger and frustration, we tend to involve innocent bystanders, though we may call them friends, who have absolutely nothing to do with the situation but still get caught up in the chaos we create. So at the end of the day, something as simple as someone not speaking to us has escalated into an entire office soap opera involving everyone and their mother's cousin's ex-wife's husband's twice-removed step-aunt causing tension among not only those involved but those who aren't directly involved. And all we have to show for it is an office full of people who are confused about the situation walking around on eggshells as they spread the latest developments.
But the really depressing thought about all of this is that it doesn't stop with "worldy", "secular" women. Church women are just as guilty. I myself have fallen victim to my wrath or envy and said very hurtful words about women I worship with from week to week. Too often, I allow the enemy to convince me that belittling others is the only way for me achieve success and prosperity. Now there is a lot wrong with that statement. First of all, my success and prosperity matter nothing if I am not making a difference in the world for Jesus' sake. Secondly, the only way I achieve anything is through the grace and power of the Holy Spirit in me. And when I take it upon myself to tell others everything that is wrong with them or anyone else, I step out of the will of God and release His hand of protection from my life. Now I don't know about you but I don't consider trash talking about anyone or any subject worth me sacrificing the hand of God on my life. There is no justifiable reason for me to utter a single word and allow the devil to gain any ground in my life.
Ok, let me set something straight-I have not conquered this vice. Unfortunately, my need to save the world often warrants me to sometimes feel that I have a right to share my plan of renovation with the world. (As if anyone is going to listen...) And so, in the heat of the moment with my emotions running full-throttle, I unleash my tongue and have a critique-fest. Though these fests don't usually involve anyone outside of my close circle of friends, my point is that they should not even occur.
I was created to uplift and encourage. Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." My words are important because "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaketh." (Matthew 12:34) So whatever proceeds from my lips, has already passed through my heart. That's a scary thought. The other Scripture that puts this into perspective is Proverbs 18:21, " The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." I, me, myself, Bethany, have the power to speak words of life and positivity but yet many times I choose the opposite and speak negativity and kill with my tongue. James also says so much about taming the tongue which he calls a fire. The application I gather from him is this: How I can expect a perfect, holy and good God to bless me when one minute I am singing His praises and worshiping Him for His awesome acts of power and love and the next I am tearing someone's character to shreds and speaking ill of His creation?
I explained it to my 12-14 year olds that I teach in Sunday School this way (as I have preached for many years)- When we criticize others, especially the way they look, talk or dress, we are criticizing God Himself. In Genesis 1:27 the Bible says that God created male and female in His image. As a result, not only should we be a reflection of Him but others are a reflection of Him. I know this doesn't not mean that all people act like God but I'm not responsible for every one else. (Oh my goodness, I sound like my mother.) During my time on this earth, I am solely responsible for my words and deeds and I should do my best to fashion myself after my heavenly Father and His Son, who are both perfect. So until I reach that goal (ummm...never!) I have no room to criticize others.
Wow, this post took a completely different and unexpected direction than I first intended. But I've said a lot here that I've wanted to say for a long time. I confess that I'm not perfect and I will never even try to convey that I am but I vow to do a better job of reining in my tongue. And I will consciously make an effort to pray for people that I would rather vent about. And I will not put my friends in the awkward position of having to listen to my grumblings and then react they way I feel they should. Instead, I will do my best to take my concerns to the only person who can truly help-my Jesus.
Be encouraged!
Blessings,
~BB
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. ~Psalm 73:26
The Long-Awaited Return
Ok, so maybe nobody's really been awaiting my return but I have. Not to sound conceited but I love writing and I usually love what I write...which is the problem. Over a month ago, my good friend Dustie pin-pointed the exact reason that I don't write more here-because I want what I write to be perfect and eloquent and ground breaking. But the truth is that it takes a lot of work to write a passage and then edit it into something that it is perfect, eloquent and ground breaking.
So for this reason I'm starting fresh. I just want to write-to let my mind speak, to let my dreams flow, to let my fears be spoken, to let my emotions be given words. For me, writing is not simply an act of putting words to paper and pen (or keyboard and monitor, in my case) but it is more of a birthing process-of allowing the sparks of my thoughts to develop and cultivate until they become a full-grown monologue of my innermost reflections and perceptions. Even now, as I make this resolution to simply write, without the drive to achieve (in my mind) perfection, I find myself conjuring up synonyms and metaphors in an attempt to better articulate this mind that is mine. But I release myself from doing so, from submitting myself to such pressure to perform.
So world, here I am. Let me bask and frolic in these thoughts that are mine, uniquely mine, unparalleled to anyone else's. Using what limited vocabulary I have, I vow to express myself unreservedly and unashamedly. I have a voice that deserves to be heard-no matter how perfect, how eloquent, or how ground breaking. So for those of you that do take the time to read my postings (and I know you are few), be sure to stay updated. This is just the beginning of a long and verbose (as my dear mother calls me) journey!
Blessings to you all!
~BB
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
So for this reason I'm starting fresh. I just want to write-to let my mind speak, to let my dreams flow, to let my fears be spoken, to let my emotions be given words. For me, writing is not simply an act of putting words to paper and pen (or keyboard and monitor, in my case) but it is more of a birthing process-of allowing the sparks of my thoughts to develop and cultivate until they become a full-grown monologue of my innermost reflections and perceptions. Even now, as I make this resolution to simply write, without the drive to achieve (in my mind) perfection, I find myself conjuring up synonyms and metaphors in an attempt to better articulate this mind that is mine. But I release myself from doing so, from submitting myself to such pressure to perform.
So world, here I am. Let me bask and frolic in these thoughts that are mine, uniquely mine, unparalleled to anyone else's. Using what limited vocabulary I have, I vow to express myself unreservedly and unashamedly. I have a voice that deserves to be heard-no matter how perfect, how eloquent, or how ground breaking. So for those of you that do take the time to read my postings (and I know you are few), be sure to stay updated. This is just the beginning of a long and verbose (as my dear mother calls me) journey!
Blessings to you all!
~BB
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
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