A happy little list

Although the public my mother has been clamoring for my long-awaited return to the blog for quite a while, I've been lacking a bit in the motivation department. However, the mood finally struck me this afternoon as I've been doing matronly, house-wifey things. Without wanting to have to post a novel to catch everyone up to speed (I am planning a recap of the days prior to and immediately following the wedding), I decided to post in my blog form of choice: the list. So journey with me as I revisit some random thoughts on the past 3 weeks of married life...

1. Our 2 bed/2 bath apartment is finally starting to look like home since Z and I spend Labor Day laboring on it.

2. There are probably only 5 cardboard boxes of junk visible within our house which is a huge accomplishment considering 5 days ago there were probably 20.

3. I have *almost* found a place for everything which is definitely something I'm proud of.

4. Z and I scored $200 worth of Bed, Bath, & Beyond items yesterday for FREE (when we combined our gift cards and coupons).

5. As I type, Z is at the DMV fighting the war attempting to obtain his Texas DL (he still has one from AR which he moved from many moons ago)- which expires in less than a month so I warned him of letting it expire since anyone who knows me knows all about me having to take the written and driving tests since my out of state license expired before I got my TX one last year.

6. Z and I are officially on one insurance policy-thank goodness.

7. Since we have no tv service at the moment (and haven't for the past 5 weeks since we've been in the new place) we have successfully watched 2 1/2 seasons of The Office. And he's learning why I'm so addicted :)

8. I'm happy to announce that ALL wedding gifts & paraphenalia have been put away or put to use and I couldn't be happier! Now if the rest of those pesky little thank you notes would write themselves... (I don't mind writing them-enjoy it actually-but when you have 125 to do, completion of the task can seem a little out of reach.)

9. In the first 3 weeks of married life, Z and I have conquered some major obstacles that come with living together and getting adjusted to each other. Although I sure haven't maintained the same title, he has really been the 'angel-pie' that his grandma thinks he is. I certainly couldn't ask for a better husband...

10. There are some good job leads that I will be hitting tomorrow and I am excited about my re-entrance into the 'rat race'. I always thought I would enjoy being a housewife (and I do) but I need a little part-time something or I will go crazy!

And that, friends Mom, is my "Top 10 Happy Things About Married Life Off The Top Of My Head".

Hope you enjoyed and tune in again soon for another update on the 1st year!

Blessings,
B

3 Days til Mrs. Parker

What a wedding rollercoaster I am on! It has twists and turns, ups and downs, slows and fasts, but this rollercoaster never stops!

I seriously doubt that anyone will check this before the big day Saturday but just in case I thought I'd write another quick post. It's funny how I thought I'd be all organized and prepared and have plenty of time to write a post each week. I laugh at myself for even thinking I'd come close to that. Between moving, church things, traveling, planning, troubleshooting and trying to rest somewhere among all that-not to mention spend quality time with Z-I have barely had a moment to breathe.

We got semi-settled into our new luxury (i.e. brushed silver fixtures, spacious, granite-like countertops, 11 x 14 bedroom, limited cabinet space) apartment and I like it-surprisingly. I was so afraid of getting in and finding out we don't have enough space or could hear our neighbors or had to worry for safety. But I'm finding that if we sell the stuff we don't need, keep our corner unit (which is a blessing even in spite of the traffic), and are friendly to our neighbors-we should have it made. We have everything set up except for decorations and even though the 2nd bedroom FULL of boxes to go through, I really think we'll be happy there. Another youth pastor Z knows lives upstairs with his wife and we are in a GREAT location. Add to that a very nice swimming pool and a great clubhouse for youth parties, and I think we'll be very happy. I just can't wait to get home and 'womanize' it-make it pretty. Then it will be even more like home.

The wedding plans are coming together a little slowly now but well. I flew into NC Saturday morning and what a trip that was. We left Tyler at 3:30am which should have been plenty of time to make it to the DFW airport. However, I didn't anticipate feeling extremely nauseous on the way so we stopped and got breakfast. When we were almost at the airport, I began looking for my flight confirmation so I could know which terminal we needed (DFW has 5) but couldn't find it ANYWHERE. I knew I was flying either United or US Air so we stopped at United at 6:05am (keep in mind you must check in more than 45 minutes in advance) and it was the WRONG ONE. So as I swiped my debit card to check in with US Air at 6:17!!! I was informed that I would need to be booked for the next flight. And so I was booked on the 8:30 direct flight to Charlotte and my bag was processed.
As Z and I took a seat (and I'm bawling because HELLO!?!?!? I have to be in Eden at a bridal shower for myself by 2pm and my flight would not land in Charlotte until 12pm and it's a 2 hour drive to Eden from there) I noticed that my boarding pass had an incorrect name-it showed P. Nacido as the passenger. Now I'm not up to date on all FAA regulations but I was pretty sure I'd never make it through security without having a boarding pass to match my driver's license. So Z went back to the counter to inquire about it. As he returned, he motioned for me to come. I was very confused but he explained that the desk rep told him the 8:30 flight was having maintenance issues and so he was letting me go on the 7am flight. I didn't understand it but Z just explained that 'God showed me favor'. At 6:31am I got in a security line that weaved itself 4 lines deep and had serious doubts that I would make the flight. But somehow, I was waiting to board at 6:50 and they had just started the boarding process. I had made my flight.
But my luggage did not. I landed in Charlotte 15 minutes late and upon inquiring about my luggage at the US Air desk, discovered that the 8:30 flight had been cancelled-God had surely answered a prayer. For the 2.5 hours of the flight, I contemplated what I would do if my luggage didn't make it. I was wearing gauchos and a t shirt and NO makeup-there was no way I was going to a shower in my honor looking like that. When I arrived, my nightmare was true but I was informed that it was very likely I would receive my bag within the next several hours. Positive about that possibility, we left on our VERY FAST trek to Eden where I stopped in Wal-Mart & Cato to grab the essentials-toothbrush/paste, mascara, blush, a dress, shoes, earrings and a bracelet (an entire outfit which cost me $36.00) and off we went to the shower.

And what a shower it was! I saw faces I hadn't seen in YEARS-former church members, old friends from church & school, and even a former teacher whom I have really grown to respect and admire! It was absolutely a fabulous party-and I didn't even care that I didn't look my 'best'. I got SO many compliments on the dress pictured here (me and some of my FAVORITE friends):


The shower really was a blast! I so enjoyed catching up with old friends and loving on people I miss so much in my life. It really felt like a reunion and honestly, I wish people got married more often so those kinds of reunions could happen more often. The food was YUMMY (all homemade except for the Biscuitville biscuits-which I had been craving) and the fellowship was incomparable. I am sooo blessed to have such loving and caring people in my life-I couldn't be more humbled by their generosity and acts of kindness. Thank you Ginny for being the brain behind such a fun celebration! YOU are the woman! (And sure enough, in the middle of the shower the airline called with news that they would deliver my bag to our house near Hickory...and I sang the Hallelujah Chorus!)

After the shower, we attended the wedding of a childhood church friend that Dad performed. He did a great job and despite the heat, there were lots of laughs and lots of good memories made. And after making a couple stops at my parents' friends houses and a slight delay by one of NC's finest state troopers, we arrived at home around 12:40am. Since I was pretty awake at that point (even though I'd slept maybe 20 minutes in almost 24 hours), I opened several wedding gifts that Mom and Dad had kept for me. That was exciting and so afterwards, I finally crashed. Having to be up at 9am the day after such a trek (and in singing condition by 10) proved a challenge but I survived and was in decent singing voice for my 2 songs. After homemade lunch and a quick nap, Mom and I set off to run wedding errands which we've also done yesterday and today. I finally got some good rest last night and am feeling the best I have all week.

We've hit it pretty hard but have gotten a lot done. So far we've purchased ribbon, picture frames, bridal portraits, sign supplies, gifts, and groceries (to feed the masses).There's still a lot left to do (pick up my dress, finalize programs, wrap gifts, assemble guest book, etc., etc., etc.) but I know that it will all come together. (At least that's what everyone keeps telling me.) Our wedding company starts arriving tomorrow and I'm getting more and more excited. Freak out mode hasn't set in yet although I'm sure it will pretty soon. But in all honesty, I can't wait! A lot of thought, a lot of tears, a lot of laughs and a lot of prayers have gone into the preparation for this special day and I am trusting God to bless our day and our marriage that we may be a portrait of His love for us, directing others to Him with our love.

For all our guests, when you arrive Saturday, just ask the gate guard for a map and watch for the hot pink signs for the Pearce-Parker Wedding. Parking will be available in the east lot next to Mountain Laurel (the hotel) and a shuttle service will be provided to the ceremony location-Rutland Chapel. Afterwards, please join us for the reception in the Holly Ballroom in the newly constructed Johnson Springs conference center. Our special day will be so enhanced by the presence of our friends and family and I cannot wait to share it all with you!

May each of you have a blessed rest of the week and I look forward to seeing you Friday and Saturday!

Blessings,
Bethany

Pssssst...

I'm back!

Honestly, it feels like 6 months that I last wrote a post. And in truth, I have enough news for 6 months' worth of blogs. But I won't attempt to share them with you all in this 1 post. In fact, I don't even know where to begin. But I'll attempt to start an update with my favorite format...The List (even if each bullet is a bit long).


~I guess the biggest difference in my life (to me anyway) has been my living arrangements. Since I moved, I've been living with my grandmother in a town about 40 minutes from Big Town. It's definitely been an adjustment as she is 89 years old and keeps hours that are very different from mine. I'm up around 6:30 each morning while she sleeps until 8. And (you know me) I'm out till 10 or 11 every night while she goes to bed between 9 and 10. It hasn't been as terrible as I first thought it would be, although there was some major adjusting to do but I've found that as long as I'm calling her to keep her in the loop about where I am and what my plans are, it's really not all that bad. The main difference in her house and mine is that hers feels like a tropical Floridian vacation 95% of the time as she is cold-natured and keeps her thermostat set on 80. Normally, I wouldn't be bothered by this but in Texas heat (especially through the summer), it really doesn't cool down ever-even at night. So I suppose that for the next couple months, I'll have to endure it and be thankful I'm not going to hell.
UPDATE:Gma has now been leaving the air on at night. MIRACLES DO STILL HAPPEN!

~Wedding planning is taking a lot of my time. This weekend, I MUST get the invites in the mail. We had a few minor setbacks in getting them printed but they look great (in my opinion) & I'm very excited! Z & I also need to make some decisions about some things for the ceremony as well. 3 of 4 bridesmaids have ordered their dresses and that sure has made a difference. I went w/Z's sis, A on Wednesday to get fitted for hers while she was in town visiting. We had fun and I'm so fortunate to have such beautiful & FABULOUS ladies to share my special day!
UPDATE: We received our 1st official wedding gift on Wednesday! Some of my family's good friends from my hometown sent us 3 (THREE) pieces of Fiestaware! They are absolutely wonderful-the friends and the gifts! That moment was really surreal for me and Z but it was almost like the 1st official moment of REAL wedding festivities-and that makes us SUPER excited!

Be sure to keep up w/all the wedding glitz & glamour (ha) on our wedding website: www.zapandbap.blogspot.com.

~Since I last posted, a lot has happened with my job. I'm at a Farmers Insurance agency and actually like it pretty well. We moved at the end of May & boy was that an ordeal! We're not 100% settled but we're getting close. The new place is SO nice-very professional-and we are enjoying it quite a bit. 

~The fam is doing well-Mom and Dad will welcome the new pastor to their church Sunday with an all day "Welcome the Pastor" marathon event. Ok not really but it may as well be. Mom's still working a LOT and is doing SO GREAT at helping with the wedding. I don't know what I'd do without her-wedding & otherwise. Older bro & wife are doing good-just enjoying summer from what I hear and staying busy. Little bro is doing well-just moved into a new place in the same apt. complex with 2 friends instead of 1 so maybe rent will be cheaper. He's still at Best Buy and still helping me with all things techie. I'm so excited to see them all in July!

~There has been lots going on at church too-we are moving quickly on our new building and looking forward to being in it. I haven't done much for the children's ministry (not because I don't want to but because I am so pressed for time) and something had to give. But Z & I have been busy with the youth doing all kinds of things. We've:

-ridden rides at 6 Flags

-sang at Southwestern University in Waxahachie for Fine Arts competition where 1 of our kids was invited to Nationals

-seen the animals at the zoo

-swam at a pool party

-sold pizza cards & rose bushes for fundraisers

-and are washing cars tomorrow for more $$$

We've had a lot of fun and it's crazy how close you get to kids in just a few months. They definitely make me laugh and 1 even wrote a rap about me and Z which goes like this:

RAP TIME! by Haley Bridges

Bethany is a G
butt she smells like pee.
Zeb is her man,
she loves him cuz he smells like spam.
She is awesome,
& she loves possums.
I like that dress,
it makes her look the best.
OH YEEEH :)

And the best part is at the end, she signed it 'happy honaku'. Those girls crack me up! They are so much fun and are keeping us young. Overall, they are sweet kids and we love them!

Well, that's all of a recap I can give for now and wow, that was a lot. But there's surely more to come! Hope all of you are blessed & highly favored!

~B

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1

Big Town: Day 1

This Monday morning is quite different from my standard Monday morning. Usually, I am arriving home at 1 or 2 AM to sleep for a few hours and then rush into work. Or I awaken at 4:30am and drive from Big Town to Tiny Town, Texas to rush and get ready for work only to arrive 15 minutes late and totally exhausted from such a wild weekend. Then I spend the day miserable wishing for a huge cup of caffeine or my bed. Mainly, my bed.

But this morning, I awoke and got ready for the day and have spent the majority of my time at my church in Big Town. Yep, the official transition has begun. I'm staying in town this week and will be moving all my worldly possessions from Tiny Town to a storage unit in Big Town this Friday. I can't put into words how awkward today has been. While I appreciate the time off, I do not appreciate the lack of a paycheck. But the time had come. The time for me to leave and step out in faith. I had finished my work in Tiny Town and have been ready for a few weeks to make the move but the timing wasn't quite right.

Today is a new day, a new season, a new chapter. Today is the day I begin my life with Z in our new town working together and just being together. (That is still such a strange concept since we're so used to being at least 2 hours apart.) So today as I start my new life here, we start our new life together. We have so much to keep us busy but I look forward to being busy with him instead of apart from him.

This new chapter is already full of new people, new places, and new experiences. It will most assuredly be full of new words, new stories, and new feelings. And even through all the changes, the loss, and the gain I know this will definitely be one of the best chapters of my life!

Blessings,
Bethany
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven. Ecclesiastes 3:1

***BAP News Update***

Wow...I think this is the longest stint I've been without writing in a LONG time-and I can tell. For me, this is more than just a blog. It is a safe haven, a place where I can unload and unwind and share my thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Writing is my stress reliever just like coloring is used to be when I was younger. And since it's been so long, I have no idea where to start...

How about with my and Z's trip to NC? While we were there we...
~met w/the event planner at the conference center where we're getting married and got LOTS of ?s answered.
~met with a baker who makes AMAZING cakes and decided on ours (I got to design it myself-yay!). (And since I am addicted to cake, you KNOW it will be delish!)
~ate at Zaxby's.
~met my older bro for lunch.
~ate at Moe's for Z's 1st meal there.
~attended a wedding rehearsal.
~attended the rehearsal dinner in my hometown where we gave Z the 30 minute highlight tour which translates to "we showed him the whole town since it only takes 30 minutes for the grand tour".
~attended the wedding of one of my best friends in the world.
~ordered my wedding dress. *BIG smiles* :)
~made a quick stop at Hobby Lobby w/my parents.
~had Cinnabons TWICE.
~spent a lot of quality time w/my parents which I desperately needed.
~stayed up too late and got up too early for too many nights.

And upon our return we had a quick meal with his parents and arrived back in Tyler at 2am-on Daylight Savings Time weekend. Talk about not a fun Sunday. Those kids at Youth Bible Study got the Mr. Hyde of my personality that morning even though I tried to be as nice as possible. I slept so hard during my Sunday afternoon nap that I don't think I actually woke back up until about 1/2 way through our evening church service. But afterward, we took the kids bowling and ended up having a great time. As of today, my body still hasn't figured out the whole jet lag/daylight savings time so I'm still staying up WAY too late.

Work is getting increasingly harder-not in difficulty but because I desperately need to move. There is barely enough work for 1 person (and certainly not full-time at that) so to have 2 of us is really uncalled for. So I'm back to an interview blitz on Friday and am determined to find a job if it kills me. I am so beyond ready to be moved and living the next stage of my life-with Z, with the church, in a bigger town, establishing myself. I'm praying for God to do a quick work and am believing for Him to be faithful as He always is.

Wedding planning is coming along really well. As I mentioned before, my dress is ordered and we have a cake and have confirmed the location for the ceremony and reception. At first, there weren't any room available in the hotel at the center and so our guests were going to have to stay in other locations on the campus. But we got good news that the group that had reserved 96 rooms in the hotel had cancelled so there were now plenty of rooms for our event. This is wonderful not only so our guests can have really nice accommodations but also because the hotel is connected to the reception location (a brand new conference building). I am so excited about everything coming together. We've requested pricing for our menu so we'll see what can stay and what must go but I'm extremely excited about all of it! And I must thank my parents for being so supportive and standing behind me through all of this. They have truly shown 100% support of everything and I will be forever indebted to them (though I already am).

This post really wouldn't be complete without mentioning a very special person who has been the 1 factor of stability in my life for the past 8 months. Z, thank you for being my other half. Even though I am a complete person, you only enhance me and make me want to be better. I could never thank you enough for your devotion and support. You are my one true love, the only person who truly "gets" me and continues to put up with me. My gratitude is eternal and my love will last even longer. 'Thank you' could never begin to repay you for all you've done for me. I look forward with excitement to growing old with you by my side and hope you are always certain of my forever love for you. You are the other half of our 'Dynamic Duo', the man who I respect, admire and have given my heart to for all of eternity. Tu eres mi corazon y te amo siempre.

Blessings to you all!
~B
From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another. John 1:16

A Post About Nothing

There's not been that much to post about lately in Small Town, TX unless you count all the chaos that is my life. Still driving to Tyler on the weekends, directing a children's ministry, planning a wedding, job hunting, training a new girl at my current job and basically trying to maintain 2 lives-1 in Small Town & 1 in New Town.

Z and I went to mi abuela's (grandmother) house 2 weekends in a row around her birthday week. The 1st weekend he met my aunt and uncle and the 2nd he met their son and daughter. They were interesting weekends but went well. We played the game that never ends aka Phase 10 the 2nd visit and had quite a few good laughs. It was good to see family again but boy, were we busy!

Since Z and I started as the Youth & Children's Pastors at our church, he and I have both been extremely stressed. He is the only other full-time staff member besides our Senior Pastor (who is bi-vocational) so therefore he is the only person at the church all day every day. That much is fine but we are in the beginning stages of a building program and soon he will be managing workers and making sure the construction is getting done. In addition, I've been leaning on him heavily regarding children's ministry "stuff" and he has been a HUGE help. But he's had a lot of pressure as we've been working for the church, planning events, planning the wedding (which he's had a lot of input on), and all this while being away from family. Not to mention the hardest job of all-handling me. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster for the past few weeks as I struggle with exhaustion, stress with the wedding, and pressure on myself for a job, with the church, and just with life in general. So poor Z has had his hands full.

BUT everything is about to change with 1 little word: VACATION. We fly out super early Wednesday morning to visit NC for a few days so we can do cake tastings, an engagement photo shoot, meet with the event planner, I can try on dresses and attend my best friend's wedding. Wow-that will be a busy 4 days! But at least we're getting out of town for a bit by ourselves. It will be nice to not deal with work or church for at least a short time. And I'm excited to see my parents and get to spend time with them. It should be a fun and only semi-stressful trip.

So, until next time...I'm going to Carolina in my mind (& for real)!

Blessings,
B

Ok, this is getting scary...

Today's Christian Woman sends me an Encouraging Words Daily Devotional every morning. Today's devotion???

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Today's Verse from the New Living Translation

"Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won't he also give us everything else? … Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? … No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. … No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." —Romans 8:32, 35, 37, 39 view in context

Encouragement for Today

Nothing can separate us from the love of God. We must not look to circumstances for evidence of God's love or proof that he will take care of us. If God did not withhold the best he had to give us—the life of his Son—will he not also give us everything else, including his love and power? When circumstances are dire, don't look at them. Gaze at the cross of Christ and what he suffered there for you. Then his suffering—and victory—will swallow up your suffering. Paul says that "overwhelming victory" is ours. —Diane Eble, author of Abundant Gifts: A Daybook of Grace-Filled Devotions

So I think God really is trying to tell me something. Whaddyathink?

Isn't it ironic???

Blessings,
B

P.S. Thanks to my amazing fiance for the idea of adding our wedding countdown to my page!

Coincidence? I think not.

For the record, today's Daily Bible Verse (on my sidebar-thanks Bible Gateway!) is definitely my favorite verse(s) in the entire Bible. (Romans 8:35-39) Yes, my Abba knows exactly what I need.

~B
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered." No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:35-39

Our greatest plans...

often go awry. Unfortunately, that's been the motto with my blog as of late. I've written 2 posts but after clicking the 'Publish Post' button, Blogger decided to erase significant chunks of my writing both times. The 1st I edited the content back in after an e-mail from my mother. The 2nd I have yet to correct and re-post (so it's sitting in my draft list) because I just haven't felt like recreating almost half of the post. One day soon, I hope but that explains my absence.

Yesterday dealt me an ugly blow by my despised enemy Mr. Reality regarding my personal life. I knew this day was coming but I was doing all I could to run the opposite direction. But I just couldn't run fast enough and he caught up with me. Thankfully, good can come from bad and God does make messages out of my messes. I am definitely learning total dependence on Him through this situation. When you've reached the end of who you are and what you have, there He begins. And the funny thing is that He wants me to reach for Him first to begin with, which I fail to do so often. I've been in similar situations before but never with such pressure that I feel now.

The irony is that lately my daily e-mail devotions have been dealing with God being faithful and working things out for me. He is my Shield, my Protector, my Defender, my Provider, my Way Maker. I especially love that in Romans, Paul asks us that if God gave us His most prized possession, His Son, so why would he withhold anything else from us? My God is faithful and always shows up on time and I know He will in this situation as well. And if it causes me to be drawn closer to Him, bring on the struggles.

On the positive side, Zeb and I have grown closer through this, as we always do during trials. He has, once again, proven himself to be the best blessing I've ever received. I am able to be 100% completely honest and he continues to love and support me as best he can long distance. Today he even e-mailed me a "Prayer Time" playlist for me to use while I spent some MUCH needed time in serious prayer. My life is blessed to the utmost because of him and I would never want to even try to find someone to compare to him-I know I'd fail miserably. He is sensitive to my needs and knows exactly what I need to feel safe and when I need a spiritual kick in the tushie (and how to say that without feeling like I'm being kicked). He really is my soulmate and that surprises me and makes me grateful beyond measure every day.

For now, I am choosing to be thankful for my blessings. Even with hardships, I am blessed-with a fabulous family and friends, job security, an amazing fiance, a progressing church, a dependable car, a nice home with all the amenities I need, and more food and clothes than I need. I realize that I am unworthily blessed and have decided to live accordingly-walking in confidence and gratitude that the Lord of creation is not just my Best Friend but my Daddy.

Blessings,
B
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Romans 8:32

Will You Be My Valentine?

Yes, it's official. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. It's cheesy but I love LOVE and being able to do things for people just because I love them-not expecting anything in return or wanting to be recognized. People don't expect treats for Valentine's day unless they are in a committed relationship. Yet that's just what I did last year on this day. I had broken up with the reason I moved to Texas in December and was quite depressed with the expectations I had for the "Day of Love". But instead of grieving what was or could have been or would be, I decided to make treats for those around me who may not always be appreciated the way they should be. I ended up taking them to the ladies at my bank, my co-workers, and my mail delivery person. That night, I cooked myself a nice dinner and stayed in to shamelessly watch chick flicks and celebrate love...with myself.

See, the way I express my love is by giving gifts-whether they're homemade, store bought or just randomly created. I LOVE to give people things or do things for them. I love to see the look in their eyes or hear the excitement in their voice as they receive or realize I've done something for them. And it's not about the recognition really (ok, maybe a little) but for me, to brighten their day even in the smallest way is the most rewarding gift I could ever receive.

Recently, my mom and I were conversing about our lives and making a difference for people. Through all of my transition lately, I've been reflecting over my life and wondering if I've made a difference for anybody at all in my 25 years on this planet. I know I've taught classes and helped people but I wonder if my contributions have made that big of an impact on the world. In that conversation my mom reminded me of the following story by Loren Eiseley:

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

That conversation with my mom, who had been doing the same kind of introspection that I was in desperate need of, changed my view of my life. I now realize that if I make a difference for just 1 person (each day, each week, each month) that my life has purpose. I know God can use my mess to make a message and I pray He will take the mess that I make of my life sometimes a lot of the time and turn it into something beneficial for someone. May my life be always and only for His glory, pointing ever upward as I take each step in faith.

So now, each morning as I awake and get ready for my day, I ask myself:

Who's my starfish for today???

Blessings,
B
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:20

O How I Love Thee, Little White Box!

It is amazing how this little white box evokes such an enthusiastic response from me. I've been itching to write for the past couple days but haven't had anything of substance to write about. I still don't know that I do but I'm attempting a post anyway.

Ok, I DO have something to mention-someone, rather.

Z & I celebrated Valentine's Day over the weekend & part of his gift to me was a surprise morning of pampering at Jessica's Massage Spa where he had purchased a 1 hour full body massage. Normally, I would have completely FREAKED OUT but since my mind was so busy, I had absolutely no time to even blink an eye at the thought of another person touching my tub o' lard squishy body.

Friends, I have NEVER felt more relaxed or at peace than I did when she finished that massage. I didn't care that she (Jessica-the owner) had talked the whole time I was being rubbed down. I didn't care that I had a million things on my to do list. I didn't care that my wedding was quickly approaching and I had accomplished nothing for it in the past few weeks. That massage definitely goes down in the books as one of the BEST gifts I've ever received. And if you haven't indulged in such luxury, I encourage you to do so. Stat. You owe it to yourself. Since I was pretty out of it for the rest of the day, we took it easy and stayed low key the rest of the day. It definitely made me super tired (so if you get one, get it as late in the day as possible) but we made it to a Mexican dinner and a quick Wal-Mart run before finishing the night off with dessert and a movie.

So for that, my fiance goes down in history as the most thoughtful man in history. And when I told him that he shouldn't have spent the money, his reply was, "Well, I wanted to spoil you." Yeah, basically the sweetest man on planet earth. And this weekend, I'm making him he's offered to help me with wedding planning stuff. Sometimes I'd swear he's too good to be true. But back off ladies, HE'S ALL MINE!

It's funny how I can't wait to write but then when I actually sit down with that intention, words fail me (which is shocking in and of itself). So I'll be back soon, hopefully with more entertainment!

Blessings,
B
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

It Is Times Like These...

When I find myself doing someone else's work because they are SLACKING that I really wish I was already moved and settled at my new job. Jesus, could you help me out a little on this???

I Deserve It

A couple weeks ago, I took a late lunch as I was acting as receptionist at my office for the day since our regular had a sick kid. As I ate my pb & j and chips and salsa, I flipped on the TV and found Rachel Ray's show was on. Granted, I am not a huge Rachel Ray fan but she was my best option at that time of day and one of her guests was Bob Greene, whose "Best Life" diet has skyrocketed to the top of the diet and fitness scene in recent months.

As Rachel interviewed Bob, they were talking about dieting, eating right, exercise and during the interview Bob made 2 statements similar to these:

1. The barrier between women and losing weight is often that they don't feel they deserve the best for themselves.

2. Being overweight is just a symptom of another area in a person's life that is lacking.

Bob, I couldn't agree more. All my life, I have observed the various women in my life (including myself) work hard and sacrifice for others yet when they needed something or felt pressured, it was their own health or mental well-being that was sacrificed. Not that men don't, but I've seen more women who feel obligatory duties and in the process lose sight of taking care of themselves. I've done the same in recent years past.

I make decisions, choose activities, knowing I don't have near enough time to get everything done and won't be able to be effective at everything. I also know I won't have any quality time for myself unless you count grabbing a pb&j for lunch and bowl of cereal for dinner as I race from work to appointment to activity to church to fall into the bed exhausted every night.

But God is changing my mind. In the past few months, I've begun to realize and be more confident in one very important fact that has changed the way I see myself and my life. That fact?

I DESERVE IT.

I deserve to say 'no' to the numerous requests for my time. I deserve scheduling 'Me' time into my busy days. I deserve the chance to assert myself and my positive qualities as I search for jobs. I deserve to take time for the people I love. I deserve to work at a job that I enjoy, not just the 1st one that comes along or pays the best. I deserve to be treated respectfully. But most of all, I deserve to treat myself as good as I treat others.

(Not to seem egotistical but...) It's a well-known fact that I will do everything within my power to help anyone I possibly can-running errands, taking care of kids, planning events, making phone calls, organizing, listening, working for, etc. But I do very little of those same things for myself. Thankfully, that's been made crystal clear in the past few months and as I embark on a new stage of my life, I am better equipped to balance my life more equally.

But the most important reason that I believe I deserve it (whatever 'it' is), is that I believe God created us to enjoy this life. And while helping our fellow mankind is of utmost importance as part of my Christian walk, nowhere in the Bible does it say to totally neglect yourself and be miserable trying to do everything for everybody else. My thought is that if I will take care of myself, I will be more capable of helping others.

So for all you women out there who work long hours, devote unlimited time to others, and sacrifice your desires for everyone else in your life, YOU DESERVE THE VERY BEST! And YOU are the only person who's going to take up for you! Take the time to do things you enjoy, things that are totally out of the norm, and even things that you never thought you'd want to do. You deserve to be good to yourself and remember: You deserve it!

Blessings,
B

The Good Ol' USofA

I've been absent for a week even though it doesn't feel like that long. What a whirlwind life is lately with traveling every weekend and weekdays being absorbed by church work, wedding planning, personal "stuff" and trying to get back into regular workouts. And seriously, you would not believe the latest office happenings.

A quick example:

With the inauguration of President Obama today, much of the office chat revolved around politics. At one point this afternoon, our receptionist "Okie Dokie girl", asked JB, the girl I work next to, and myself what the first words to "The Star-Spangled Banner" were. She and I both responded "O say can you see" only to be countered with a "No it's not" from OD girl. "That's what everyone thinks but it's really "Jose can you see"". She replied that during a discussion with her 12 year old son last night, he told her that his choir teacher had taught his choir class that most people believe the opening words to the famous patriotic song are "O say can you see" but they are really confused because it actually starts "Jose can you see"-you just gotta put the "huuuh" at the beginning. And so, since all 12 year olds are the authority on staples of patriotic music, she believed him.

I tell you, I work with brain surgeons. (Do you sense the extreme sarcasm?)

And speaking of patriotism, what a day for Americans! Though I may not agree with every position he takes or every view he supports, President Obama made history today and I could not be prouder to be an American. So much is criticized within our country but I don't believe anyone could dispute the fact that today, we came together and changed our world for the better. The acceptance and promotion of an African-American in the White House speaks volumes about the true change that is taking place in our land. To think that just 55 years ago, or country was still a place of segregation but now the 1st (partial) African-American has taken over the office of Commander-In-Chief of that same country is astounding. But I am so glad that my fellow citizens have seen fit to judge a man not by the color of his skin but by what they see in his heart. And that makes me proud to be an American.

Unfortunately, that's all for this post. Updates will follow soon but until then, God bless the USA and give President Obama the grace and wisdom to lead our country in the will of God.

Blessings,
B
Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God. Romans 13:1

Judge Not

Late last week, I was browsing Facebook and was FB stalking (yes, I am one of those people) some people I know from my former life in TN when I had a sudden thought:

How often have I allowed other people's opinions influence my perception of people?

That may not be earth-shattering for you but it definitely was for me. In the not too distant past (i.e. my last couple years of college), I made close friends with some ministry mentors. We bonded quickly over our passion for ministry but also our ability to have fun. I fell in love with their kids and found myself spending A LOT of time with these friends. They challenged me in ministry, offered consolation and comfort in times of need and we always laughed together. Even though I knew I was being somewhat of a doormat by being at their beck-and-call all of the time and taking care of their kids sooo much, I was faithful and convinced myself that it would all even out in the end.

Normally, such a relationship would be appreciated. And it was. For a time. But during the course of the friendship, I allowed myself to be subjected to some harsh opinions and perceptions from said friends. And even though I picked up on it, I was brain-washed, in a sense, into believing that such thoughts were validated and justified.

But now that that friendship has ended (on some fairly bad terms), I have realized that I developed some negative character traits during the time I invested in them. And I'm determined to change them. See, during our 4 year friendship, I often listened to their thoughts, opinions, and perceptions about other people and things and then adopted those as my own thoughts, opinions and perceptions without giving them a chance and trying them for myself. In realizing this, I have also seen that I missed out on getting to know some pretty great people and trying some new stuff that could have really impacted my life. This makes me sad because I think-well, I know-that I've been rude to and not included people in my life that I should have. I've not allowed people in that could have had a positive influence on me and been good friends. I've not done things because I was too busy pouring my life into someone else's, someone who didn't care about my best interests 100%. Thankfully, I chose not to listen to them when I first met Z because look what I would have missed out on!

And honestly? I'm very ashamed of all this. I'm ashamed that I listened so intently to them and not enough to the One who knows exactly what I need and will fill every void in my life. I'm ashamed I treated others with such contempt instead of loving them and treating them with the respect and love of Christ. I'm ashamed that I hung on so tightly to the words of mere humans instead of clinging to the Word of the Almighty who is omniscient. And most of all, I'm ashamed that I let my Father down so much by being more infatuated with other people than with Him.

But thank You, Lord for 2nd chances.

I guess this post is more for myself than anyone else but I wanted to let it be known that I'm doing more exploration and attempting more new things in my life now. I'm getting to know more strangers, especially people I wouldn't normally be friends with. I'm making more evaluations of people and things and foods and activities based on my experiences. I'm going out on quite a few more limbs and I can't wait to see how much more full my life becomes!

Blessings,
B
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Matthew 7:1-2

A Footnote...

As a footnote to my previous post, I'd like to note that I do not think that all Wal-Mart employees are mindless. In fact, I am generally very appreciative of them in that I do not know how they are able to work in such chaotic conditions with some very demanding customers and not lose their cool. Anyway, I just wanted to clarify that I have the utmost respect for Wal-Mart employees, I just happened to have very little patience with that particular lady that night. Believe me, I'm well aware that all jobs and workers are important in order for our gigantic world to turn smoothly so thanks to those who make my little piece of it turn!

Funny Things

Randomly thought I'd share some funny anecdotes that have happened as of late...

~Yesterday morning on the way to work, as I was pulling off my street onto the main road, I saw one of these:

pecking away in my neighbor's yard. And I did laugh out loud. Only in Texas.

~Also yesterday, the receptionist at my office greeted a Hispanic customer and asked who he needed to see. He replied that he was there to see Matt, one of our producers, to which she replied, "What is your name?". Apparently, his Spanish was too fast for her as she told Matt that Manye Jose was there to see him when he actually said, "My name is Jose." Yes, I laughed out loud again.

~Poultry is a common theme of this post, for whatever reason, because today, while training a girl at work for my old job, she told me and another co-worker about a little chapel built by the Chicken King that is Pilgrim's Pride in Pittsburg, TX. She claims it is a 'really pretty place' even though it is smaller than our back office area so we lovingly nicknamed it the 'Chicken Chapel' where you can go reflect on...well...chickens.

~A quote from a co-worker when discussing the experience she had falling on her head while dancing with a homemade stripper pole made from PVC pipe: "It worked the first couple times." (I told you I work with heathens.)

~Another quote from the receptionist. She had just taken a message for our owner, who keeps a very busy schedule as former mayor and member of many community groups. The caller made the comment that trying to get ahold of him was like trying to get ahold of God-he's never there. To which I replied that that was the perfect opportunity for her to witness to that man by sharing of God's omnipresence so that she could get another jewel in her crown. Her response? "Girl, I ain't got no crown. Them jewels done fell out a long time ago." I do a lot of praying for these people.

~One of our customers at the insurance agency I work for filed a claim that he "somehow ran up on a 4 foot curb". Really? I mean really? And another filed a claim that she "hit a cow". Folks, you can't make this stuff up. Only in Texas...

~This last one is a bit long but it caused such a disruption in my little world that I have to share it. Last Thursday, at the end of my monthly grocery + everything-else-that-I-randomly-need-or-don't-need shopping, I walked to the checkout, proud that I had remembered to bring in some old bags so I wouldn't have to take even more home to add to my already overflowing stash of plastic grocery bags that numbers in the thousands. Anyway, with no one behind me, I told the elderly cashier of my plan to use the old bags and this was the conversation that ensued-as she continued to check my groceries:

Her: Well, I'd really rather use new ones. Because if I used yours I'd..." (with no justifiable reason.
Me: Oh. Well, ok. I was just trying to keep from having to take home a bunch of plastic bags when I already have way too many. Just trying to do my part to help the environment.
Her: Well, I just don't think we do that. It's against our code. Since somebody might be allergic to your bags. You know they make you get a new plate for each trip at a buffet restaurant and since Wal-Mart is comparable to Golden Corral, I just don't think that's possible.
Me: Well, that's fine. I'll just take home more bags.
Her: You know, you could check with a manager and see about recycling your bags. I know we have a place where you can do that in the break room and I think there's another one somewhere. Or you could ask the people at the door if there's one. Oh wait, let me ask this girl. (She proceeds to ask another checker about the bag recycling drop-off and other checker states it is just outside the 1st door.)
Her: So you can drop your bags off there. But I suppose it would make sense for you to be able to reuse your own bags. I mean, if you're just using your bags that's not a big deal right? But we wouldn't want anyone else to use them.
Me: That's what I want to do-just use my own bags.
Her: Well, I guess next time I could do that. It makes sense and it's good that you're trying to help the environment. Oh look, I gave you two bags for your ice cream because for some reason, four layers of plastic keeps things colder longer than just two.
Me: (After paying and trying to start pushing my cart towards the door) (Exasperated) That's fine. Thank you very much. Have a good night.

So by the end of the conversation, she had convinced herself that it would be ok for people to reuse their own plastic bags as long as the sharing of bags never took place. The intelligence of some people astounds me sometimes. I was so aggravated by the time I got home and then on top of all that, she basically put every item I purchased in a different bag so I ended up with such a surplus of bags that I could wallpaper my entire house. Anyway, lesson learned. Just let the Wal-Mart checkers do their job-at least the elderly ones anyway-without any interference.

I hope you've gotten a laugh or two from these stories. You really should walk a day in my high heels-you'd be surprised at the craziness that occurs here in Tiny Town, Texas.

Blessings,
B

P.S. And for the record, I do believe the Lord laughed with me on most of these-even The Big Man can't deny funny.

Z

A quick post before I try to find sleep...for the 2nd time tonight. The 1st time was no prob since I was on the couch & had just eaten. I definitely accidentally slept for 2 hours. Seriously, I MUST stop the evening naps.

Anyway, I just wanted to share how proud I am of Z. The past 6 months have been a whirlwind ride for us both and I never thought we'd be where we are today both geographically and relationally but I'm really glad we are. We've both seen hard times in those 6 months but we've seen each other through them and are both stronger for them. And now we're on the precipice of a brand new chapter in both of our lives, an important one for our life together and even though I'm scared, there is peace that passes understanding.

This new step has been in the making for months now-from the engagement to applying for positions to talking with pastors to traveling for interviews to being vulnerable with people and the Lord to LOTS of prayer time to stepping out in faith and accepting the call. And I can honestly say that I've had little to nothing to do with this whole process. I just showed up when I needed to and said prayers of faith that God would work it out. Of course, we sought His will and felt a certain connection with the people and church in Tyler so it wasn't such a hard decision to make but it was still a giant step of faith and true test of our commitment to each other and to follow Him wherever He leads.

But Z has been more than wonderful throughout the whole ordeal. He made the e-mails and phone calls to speak with pastors. He put himself out there for others to critique and question. He considered the pros and cons of each church we applied for. He recognized the sacrifices required yet still proceeded and answered 'yes' when the call came. And I know that even though the timing was right for him to break away from his family and start blazing his own trail, a lot of the reason he even ventured to seek a position was for me, to prepare for our future and secure us a place in ministry.

Looking back, I see God's hand working throughout this step in the journey (as I always do) but this time, I'm looking back on a step in the journey of my future husband's faith. He has willingly laid down his desires and comfort zone to do what he knew God was calling him to and what was best for others that would be affected, namely me. He is such a self-sacrificing young man and his attentiveness to me astounds me every day. There has never been a time that he hasn't asked my feelings or recognized a change in my attitude when something is wrong. And there has also never been a time when he didn't do everything in his power to reassure me, comfort me, and allow me to lean on him-even in his times of doubt or concern.

Though I may be biased, I believe God created the best man in the world for me to marry and share my life and love with. He is more than I dreamed I would ever have in a husband and I'm reminded daily that I am blessed beyond measure to have an intelligent, moral, funny, charming, handsome, adorable, hard working, GODLY future husband. And although hard times are inevitable (especially in ministry), I am certain that he and I are destined to spend the rest of this life together as we hold hands with our Father as He leads the way.

Z, I love you and respect you as a man of God and the love of my life. Your sacrifice is great but your reward will be greater. You are God's chosen servant and I am privileged to share my life with you. My love for you is eternal and unconditional. I look forward to the memories we will make and the impact we will have on our world. You have my heart forever.

Blessings,
B
Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. Song of Solomon 2:7b

Does that make me crazy? Probably.

(Thanks Gnarls Barkley, for the blog title.)

Just when I thought things would settle down somewhat, they get intensely busier.

In a matter of 12 hours my job went on the total chaos track, wedding planning has me COMPLETELY freaked out, and church work has officially invaded and dominated every other thought I've had today. Talk about driving somebody crazy.

Today has just been a hectic day and I know that things will improve once I am gainfully employed in Tyler. I do have a phone screening set up for tomorrow so we'll see how that goes. I am just anxious to get moved and settled.

As I sat in my office manager's office just chatting about the next step for me and for the agency, I had a slap in the face thanks to my very own life. Coming to Paris has been a literal rollercoaster for me. When I first arrived, things were slow and steady. They eventually picked up until they were at full blast 24/7 it seemed, and now they have calmed back down (if only momentarily). But with all the things I've experienced-the spiritual mountaintops that made me feel invincible, the heartbreak I thought I'd never recover from, the joy that I shared with everyone I knew, the tears I cried alone some nights-all of those have helped mold me into the confident woman that I am today.

The relationship I was in when I moved here allowed me to see what I need in a man, what I desire and, in turn what I don't need-which is equally important. I learned to never settle for a man who is less than what I deserve-and I most definitely am not. He also taught me that though I may be intimidating to some, that is my confidence and self-assuredness that I automatically emit even when I am scared to death. And all of those things are ok. The time spent with that young man was worth it. I pray God's blessings on him as he seeks to find his destiny. As always, God had His best for me and that relationship was just part of the journey.

The job I have worked for the past 15 months has shown me that good can come from all situations-even a *seemingly* dead-end job. It may not have been a field I know or care about and I may have had to work with some 'interesting' characters while I've been there, but God has used me and I am confident of that. Without sounding haughty, my co-workers have needed to be reminded of the grace of God and the unconditional love He bestows even if they haven't fully accepted it. If nothing else, they needed the smiling face and positive attitude I've attempted to have while being there. And it's done them some good to see a person who can get along with everyone and not participate in office politics that they tire themselves on daily. Not to mention that I've learned more about insurance than I ever thought I'd know which will serve me very well in the future.

One of the most important lessons I've learned is that times of solitude are often when God can till the garden of my heart and then plant and cultivate His ultimate plan for my life. Has my time in Paris been a walk in the park? Not by any means. But had I not come here, I would have never slowed down enough to turn down the noise of my busy life and listen to His still, small voice gently calling me to ministry. Sure, I knew I wanted to be in ministry but I would have never anticipated the opportunity of being so intensely involved. And that involvement led me to be assured that as I lean on Him to Pilot my life, He will make me far more successful and satisfied than my own schemes would have been. Paris will forever be my launching pad for the ministry and even with the heartache this town has seen me through, I will always remember it fondly and be grateful for the opportunity to have served here.

But with this new year, I am on to new and different opportunities. I don't believe places can ever be adequately compared as each church and ministry is its own. But as Paris held great experiences and opportunities, Tyler holds even more. And I can't wait to embark on that leg of my journey!

Blessings,
B
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. Ecclesiastes 3:11

1 Year Old

Unbeknownst to me, my blog officially celebrated it's 1 year anniversary yesterday. Sooo...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. BLOG!

I honestly can't believe it's been a year since I wrote my 1st blog but when I read back over it just now, it's amazing how different my life is.

Last year at this time, I wrote about how I was going to take my life by the proverbial horns and live it. I still feel that way today but find myself with a companion to take the ride with me.

I'm still passionate about all the things I was passionate about then but a few have been added to the mix.

I still have big dreams and I think they may have expanded some.

A year ago, I was reeling from a bad breakup that I thought would be the end of love for me for quite a while. Today, I'm engaged to my soulmate.

Last January, I thought I was going to make my mark in the big town of Paris, Texas. I've done what I could and am now moving on to another place that needs a little of my 'class & sass'.

I still love life, adore my family and friends, and long to help all the hurting people of this world. And over the past year, I've touched some of those people here in Tiny Town, TX and now find myself moving on to help more people in more places.

I've seen extreme highs and lows spiritually but have never lost ground. I may have taken a few steps back but I can honestly say that I am much farther in my walk with Jesus than I was last year. And I feel myself gaining ground every day.

So, happy birthday, Mr. Blog! And thanks to all of you readers Mom & Dad for continuing to read & keep up with me and my little, minute life. Here's wishing 2008 bon voyage and welcoming 2009 with its new beginning!

Blessings,
B

*****Edited to add:
Apparently, I also reached 1,000 visitors sometime in the last 24 hours. That's quite a bit of traffic for this small town girl! Thanks Mom & Dad for checking my blog from so many countries so many times so I could reach such a big number!