On Considering Kids

Our 6th wedding anniversary is coming up in August. 6. Years. And as many couples would probably confess, some days it feels like just yesterday I was walking up that aisle to forever join my life to his in that little, chapel in the woods and then others I can't remember not knowing him, a part of him seemingly forever written on my heart.

In 6 years we haven't seen one major fight. Disagreements, yes but full-fledged, shouting-match, I'm-right-you're wrong fights, none. Whenever people learn that about us, I always follow up with a statement about how I'm scared of what Z would be like if he were ever truly angry. I have no idea. He has been upset, frustrated, a little hot under the collar but never at me & since he is such a good compartmentalizer, he's never brought those feelings into our home. I will make no comment as to the state of my emotions. That is not the point (for this post). Let's just say Z is the type of guy that quite seriously has the patience of Job and will likely be one of those that will just completely lose it if/when he ever reaches his limit. (I do have recurring dreams that he is a serial killer-I really need to look that up over at dreamdictionary.org.)

6 years has also excluded one of the most strenuous things our marriage will possibly endure...children. Thanks to extreme caution & a small "Thank You God" each month, we have yet to experience the beauty that is child-rearing. We are most definitely open to it and desire to have children, the timing just hasn't been quite right for us to take the plunge & go for it. Of course, my irrational fears may play in to our lack of offspring as well.

Few things in this world strike terror in me the way the thoughts of being responsible for another human life do. Is that normal? As my tendency to overanalyze, overthink, & over-worry consumes me about things I say or what to cook for dinner, you can only imagine the path of crazy that ensues when I think about raising a child.

*I need to lose weight before I have a child.
*We need to save money before we have kids.
*We need a bigger home before we have kids.
*What will we do about child care?
*Will I become a stay-at-home mom?
*Will Z make enough money for me to be a SAH mom?
*How will we handle household duties with a kid in the mix?
*What if I screw up that precious little baby & he/she needs therapy for the rest of his/her life?
*What if my child requires special attention?
*Am I ready for it to not just be me & Z anymore?
*Will I be ok without any personal time?
*Will we homeschool?
*What if therapy doesn't work & my kid becomes a drug-selling prostitute with a long rap sheet?
And the scariest fear of all...*What if we have twins? (They run in both our families.)

This is a very serious rabbit trail, folks. And I hope I didn't offend anyone with those questions-they are legitimate thoughts I've had in the past few years as my ovaries start screaming we feel the pull become stronger to enlarge our family.

Do all women have these fears? Am I standing alone out on the crazy-pre-children island with wondering about all this? I know that realistically I should trust Jesus & let Him work it all out but let's be honest-it's our genes on the line.

I know we'll move forward with having children. It just may end up that I cause myself a full-on breakdown during pregnancy. Poor Z. At this point, I'm just trying to remember my sister-in-law's advice (who has a 3 year old & 1 on the way): Don't think about it too much or you'll never do it. Thanks, Ali! Here's to having the least traumatized kid on the block!

It's the Freakin' Weekend Baby I'm About to Have Me Some Fun

Heyo!

How'd you like that old school R. Kelly reference in the title? Especially since I didn't even know there was remix until I was looking for that link on Youtube. Oops!

Just checking in to see what weekend plans everyone has. I'm excited about this weekend because this little guy comes to spend the night with Aunt B (yes, similar to this lady) tonight.

Most adorable 1 year old EVER!

Nope, no bias here.

So I'll be spending my evening stealing kisses, enjoying his belly laugh when Oscar comes around and taking a stroll through the neighborhood since he is never happier than when he's outside.

In the morning we'll make a stop by the farmer's market to buy beef from the amazing people at Big Oak Farm and then head on to the spray and play park at the local library. After some fun there we'll take him home so he can see his daddy who's been out in CA on a guy's baseball trip for the last week. And while we're in town, we'll make a stop at Trader Joe's & Whole Foods to pick up a few things I've been researching. (Side note: is anyone as upset as me that Whole foods is now planning to coexist with Monsanto???)

Sunday marks Mom & Dad's 40th wedding anniversary but unfortunately they'll be celebrating the day after-since my anniversary brunch got cancelled because of Dad's church duties. That evening after a covered dish dinner, I'm singing at their church service which will be followed by an ice cream social. Yeah, that church loves to eat-but what church doesn't???

Looking forward to a great weekend with some new memories! Anyone have any memories of their own planned?

What a Legacy

Well, I'm back at it. I've decided to hop back in the blogging game & hopefully keep up. Only time will tell I suppose but I'm excited to get back to writing. I'll not spend hours writing a post catching you up on what's been happening in my life but I will say that I am looking forward to the future.

It may be a bit gloomy but I want to take this moment to pause and thank God for a lady who went to heaven to be with Him 2 years ago today-my dear Grandmother.

I remember it vividly as it was a Monday morning and I was so exhausted and not looking forward to going to work that day. I was awoken from sleep around 4am by a phone call from my mother who was staying in the rehab hospital with her that night. Frantic, all she could manage to say was, "They think she's gone."

I remember my adrenaline kicking into high gear as Z & I rushed around and hopped in the car making our way to the hospital. As we pulled in I could see through the back glass of an ambulance with responders performing CPR on a body I would later find out was her. I found my mother with a hospital staff person who was trying to put her shoes on her as she was crying. We rushed out and both climbed into the back seat and Z drove, following the ambulance to the main hospital less than 3 miles away.

I remember pacing in the ER waiting room and knowing what the doctor was going to say before he said a word. Mom broke down momentarily & then tried to compose herself. We made our way into the room where she was waiting, pale and lifeless. I held her hand one last time. I stroked her face one last time. I kissed her cheek one last time.

And in those moments, I understood the meaning of legacy. I understood the sting of death. But I also understood the victory of death. She was with our Lord & Savior-just waiting for Him to fill up her coffee cup and sit down to chat awhile. She couldn't have been happier....

So today, I honor her by working to complete her one request of me-to lose weight. I started in March and have since lost 52 lbs. I have 103 more to go but I am more motivated than ever to meet the goal and make her proud. I will remember the things she taught me & the generosity she shared with me. Not only will her genes live on with me, so will her faithfulness to the Lord-and her love of sweets!

Tomorrow will be a new day with a new post. I promise they won't all be so sentimental (or somewhat morbid) but I wanted to take the chance to memorialize one of the most influential women in my life-this day only comes once a year and it is befitting for me to do so.

Looking forward to walking the journey together! Thanks for reading!

Blessings,

Wherever You Go, There You Are

Yeah, this post has been a long time coming. Yeah, this post should have happened over a year ago. Yeah, I'm still ridiculously sporadic in my posting.

And that's me. Love me or leave me.

I'm not even going to offer the routine apology for my another extended absence. If you follow me, you ought to be used to my wanton desire to write but lack of actual writing. All the same, thanks for stopping in again.

Of course I'm posting because I'm back at it again. Back at working hard to lose weight. I've read a lot of success stories by truly inspiring people and I've organized my food/exercise time for (hopefully) optimum success for myself. Another major catalyst is that my life right now is very different than it ever has been before. Let me explain briefly, if mainly to encourage myself a little about why I am where I am...

In October of 2012, Z & I decided that we were going to move closer to my fam. Yes, we both had great jobs & I was on the path of a very successful career but we also both knew that there was more to life than work. At first, he had to convince me but thanks to some revealing events at work (read: a dictator boss) and personal reflection, I was able to accept that the time had come to move on. So on November 30, 2012, we quit our jobs, packed up our things, and made the long drive from TX to NC. (One of the weirdest feelings ever, knowing I was driving that stretch of I-20 but wouldn't be returning within the week-our typical trip.)

So we did what any excited 20-something year old couple seeking adventure would do, we moved in with my parents. Wow, what a difference 10 years makes (it's been that long since I've lived within 100 miles of my parents, much less 100 feet of them). Really though, they've been so gracious & giving toward us as we figure out where we are headed and I can tell you right now, the extra time spent with my nephew, H has more than paid off any personality clashes while living with the 'rents.

And that's where we are right now-'figuring out where we are headed'. I honestly have no clue what that means. We've interviewed for a youth pastor position at a church a couple of hours away but both of us had bad vibes on that so it's a no go. Z met the brother of a family friend at the church we attended last Sunday and we really enjoy it there. They don't have a youth pastor but also don't have the $ to pay one so who knows, we may end up volunteering some there.

What I do know for now is that this is the ONLY period of my life I can remember that I have had enough time (because, you know, working and making money is so overrated) to really work on myself. I want to make the most of this in every way possible-especially since the first 2 months literally flew by and now it's already February. Come join me for this (hopefully) wild, (at times very) sarcastic, but (inevitably) hilarious adventure of life-one step at a time.

In Like A Lion...

March has officially arrived sneaking in on February's coattails! And I still haven't disciplined myself enough to write consistently. But onward we go...

The 90th birthday party for grandmother was a huge success! My mom worked her li'l booty off and I think she'd agree that it was worth it.

Everything was delicious and most of it was homemade. And since I did a lot of the decorating, I told mom we should definitely start our own event planning business and offer catering. I think we'd make a good team but neither of us has the cash flow to start it. Needless to say, a good time was had by all and it was great to see all the family.

February seemed to fly by but that was prob'ly because I was sidelined by a hideous head cold for about 2 weeks. Now all of a sudden, it's March. We celebrated the groundbreaking of the school I work for on the 19th of last month and I am super excited that it will be 1 of 2 iSchools in the country. We will be turning people away for sure now and I'm glad to be a part of such an innovative organization (and a place where I will ALWAYS meet my daily quota of hugs-love 'em!).

This past weekend was quite busy for Z & I. After a bit of an itinerary mishap with my mom flying back to NC (dad and brothers drove back last Monday), she stayed with us from Saturday afternoon until this morning. So after a laundry-filled Friday night, we had a low-key youth fundraiser Saturday morning and then headed to get mom from grandma's. After rescheduling flights at the airport, we headed to AT&T to fix Z's phone bill and then on to Sonic for a Low-cal Cherry Limeade (more on that later) and Target where we discovered some great finds! We all laughed a lot and enjoyed just being together.

Yesterday was 2 church services (I sang a solo in the AM & the youth did the PM w/Z preaching), a meet & greet w/the church staff, & a parent meeting for youth members. All went fine but after doing all that plus cleaning up the house in the afternoon, I didn't even make it all the way through Julie & Julia that we rented (such a great movie-very inspiring for a cook). So we hit the sheets around 11.

It's the last week of school before spring break and I CANNOT WAIT! Z & I have some special plans and I am planning to catch up on rest and do some projects around the house. It will be an entire glorious week of getting to do what I want to do. :)

Ok, that's all for now. A new update is coming very soon...and hopefully even more after that but I make no promises.

Blessings,
Bethany

Will You Be My Valentine?

Yes, it's official. Valentine's Day is my favorite holiday. It's cheesy but I love LOVE and being able to do things for people just because I love them-not expecting anything in return or wanting to be recognized. People don't expect treats for Valentine's day unless they are in a committed relationship. Yet that's just what I did last year on this day. I had broken up with the reason I moved to Texas in December and was quite depressed with the expectations I had for the "Day of Love". But instead of grieving what was or could have been or would be, I decided to make treats for those around me who may not always be appreciated the way they should be. I ended up taking them to the ladies at my bank, my co-workers, and my mail delivery person. That night, I cooked myself a nice dinner and stayed in to shamelessly watch chick flicks and celebrate love...with myself.

See, the way I express my love is by giving gifts-whether they're homemade, store bought or just randomly created. I LOVE to give people things or do things for them. I love to see the look in their eyes or hear the excitement in their voice as they receive or realize I've done something for them. And it's not about the recognition really (ok, maybe a little) but for me, to brighten their day even in the smallest way is the most rewarding gift I could ever receive.

Recently, my mom and I were conversing about our lives and making a difference for people. Through all of my transition lately, I've been reflecting over my life and wondering if I've made a difference for anybody at all in my 25 years on this planet. I know I've taught classes and helped people but I wonder if my contributions have made that big of an impact on the world. In that conversation my mom reminded me of the following story by Loren Eiseley:

Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one."

That conversation with my mom, who had been doing the same kind of introspection that I was in desperate need of, changed my view of my life. I now realize that if I make a difference for just 1 person (each day, each week, each month) that my life has purpose. I know God can use my mess to make a message and I pray He will take the mess that I make of my life sometimes a lot of the time and turn it into something beneficial for someone. May my life be always and only for His glory, pointing ever upward as I take each step in faith.

So now, each morning as I awake and get ready for my day, I ask myself:

Who's my starfish for today???

Blessings,
B
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me. Galatians 2:20

Now, where was I?

It's been a wild 10 days. I've been to NC and back which means I've been to Dallas and back. It was a busy trip-or at least it felt that way. Here's how the past week and a half have gone in my world.

*Monday, 12/22/08
Had a good, busy day at work and left immediately after to go to DFW to see Z. Arrived safely and celebrated Christmas with him and his family. Went out to dinner at BJ's-a great pizza/sports bar in Arlington. They have the BEST pizza! Headed back to his house and did a photo shoot with him and his siblings. They are so fun! Had some of the Coldstone ice cream he got me and then hit the sheets.

*Tuesday, 12/23/08
Left DFW east bound and arrived in the Tarheel state at noon. The airport and traffic were total chaos but I ended up sitting next to a guy my age from Tyler so he filled me in on the events and attractions of my future home. Upon arrival, after a quick stop at Panera for a baker's dozen of their Cinnamon Crunch bagels (which is becoming a tradition), we headed home. Both brothers & sis-in-law had already arrived and Grandma had been there for a week. Was super tired from getting up so early & traveling so managed a short nap after lunch. Then headed out for some last minute shopping with the whole fam minus Gma & Dad. Never want to do that again. Came home, had pizza for dinner then opened presents with older bro & SIL as they were heading to her parents' house the next day. Got some great stuff, all from my list so that was good. Fell asleep on the couch with bros watching tv and chatting around 1am.

*Wednesday, 12/24/08 CHRISTMAS EVE
Got up late at 7:30 since I was supposed to pick Dad up from a minor medical procedure at 8am. Headed to get him & we had some father/daughter time. Ate breakfast & shopped for a bit then headed home. Hung out for a while until bro & SIL left and then went out last minute shopping AGAIN w/mom and little bro. Not so fun but really not as bad as I expected. Finished up then headed to Christmas Eve service at church where I sang a couple songs. It was a good service. Came home, ate dinner and just hung out until bedtime.

*Thursday, 12/25/08 CHRISTMAS DAY
Woke up around 9:30 and just sat for a while with mom til others started to wake up. Watched tv and ate breakfast then just enjoyed laying around in my pj's. Finally got a shower and we opened presents around 2. It was a good Christmas-I got all I asked for and more and the time spent with family was priceless. Stayed up watching tv & hanging around the house after bro & his gf left around 9.

*Friday, 12/26/08
I like to refer to this day as the "Post-Christmas Crash"-the day when everyone realizes the Big Day is over and 'real life' has begun it's trek back. Just did a little shopping with Mom, Gma & Dad & ate the BEST Mexican food EVER. Although, I think that's probably just because I've had to eat Tex-Mex for the past 16 months. I LOVE real Mexican though and I think it's because I LOVE white cheese sauce. I've seriously considered buying some from Moe's and bringing it home and probably will soon. So after great Mexican, we headed home to relax and enjoy the evening.

*Saturday, 12/27/08
The Post-Christmas Crash is in full swing but Mom and I ventured out early for a little Christmas surprise-manicures at Dashing Diva. We had a good time together and I really enjoyed just being with her. She's a lot of fun and I really enjoy her company. After lunch at home, we went out shopping for a bit and then went home and I went back out with Dad. Had a touch of the holiday letdown and stayed up way too late.

*Sunday, 12/28/08
Church time came early but it was a good service and lunch was grand-I finally got chicken & hashbrowns. Mix that with broccoli cornbread, leftover sweet potatoes and butter beans and that's a feast folks. Spent the afternoon napping and watched "The Notebook" with the fam that night. Packed, did a little laundry, and hit the sheets in preparation for my travel back.

*Monday, 12/29/08
Left around 9:30 headed back to the airport with a bag that weighed well over 50 lbs. Upon arrival, I found that it would cost $65.00 to get that 57 lb. bag back to TX so I unpacked a few items into my carry-ons and made it at 50 lbs even. Stood in the security line for 30 minutes and was finally in and ready to board. Perused the bustling airport for a bit and then made my way to my gate. We boarded and loaded on time and headed out. I slept most of the way and was picked up by my wonderful fiance in Dallas. (As you can tell, the flight back was a bit less thrilling than the flight there-as it usually is.) Back at his house, we enjoyed being together and had a great dinner of burgers and hot dogs that his dad had grilled. I made it back home at 11:30pm and unloaded, unpacked and hit the sheets. It was an excellent end to a wonderful Christmas vacation.

So that's the roundup of the holiday season for my little life. I'll do a 2008 finale and 2009 projection in the next couple days as I have time. I'll be traveling quite a bit but really want to get some writing in as well. The new year is bringing lots of change to my Pearce party of 1 but good times are coming!

For now, have a happy and safe New Year's Eve and a joyous celebration of the new beginning! Blessings to you all!

~B
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17

Happy Birthday Mom!

I would be remiss if I didn't pause & wish my mother happy birthday (even if it's just after midnight-her time-when I post this).

Happy birthday, Nancy Lou!

To the woman who...
*gives her all for others,
*works tirelessly @ 2 jobs,
*forgets why she calls me,
*yet calls back 3 minutes later because she remembered,
*was a constant presence during my childhood,
*was my personal taxi driver during my high school years,
*is my biased counselor who usually takes my side,
*makes me laugh on a consistent basis (at least once a conversation-'my kilobytes', 'I forgot my narcotics!', etc.),
*always thinks of others before she thinks of herself,
*has never been selfish a day in her life,
*is a GREAT shopping partner,
*still has dreams,
*treats all people with the love of Christ,
*taught me that I am somebody and I have a purpose,
*corrected me when I needed it even though it hurt both of us,
*allowed me enough room to make mistakes but discover life on my own,
*believes in me and encourages me to pursue my dreams because I am capable of that,
*is still in love with my father, her husband of 35 years,
*takes care of everyone else while neglecting herself,
*has lived her faith,
*taught me what God's love looks like through hers,
*is a real-life role model to me,
*has served the Lord whole-heartedly for as long as I've known her,
*has loved me unconditionally since the day I was born,
*exemplified servant leadership in our home,
*is the best mom a girl could ever have...

Happy Birthday, Mom! You're the best!

That Good Old Baylor Line

"We'll march forever down the years,
As long as stars shall shine.
We'll fling our green and gold afar
To light the ways of time,
And guide us as we onward go;
That good old Baylor line!"

This is what I hear every time my mother answers her cell phone when I call her. 'Why' you ask? Because a couple of weeks ago, I helped her download downloaded her alma mater from Baylor University (in Wacko, Texas-as she says) as a ringtone to her phone. Oh how my mama loves her school. Can I tell you how many times she did their whole 'Sic 'em Bears' football bear claw during my childhood? So now, whenever she receives a call-from me anyway, she sings along with the ringtone and continues to sing even after she answers the call. It really is quite amusing. The extent of her joy at hearing that song every day really cannot be expressed in my feeble words on this blog. In fact, the day she got it, she called me and left the voicemail:

Hey, it's your mother. Just checking on you. Call me back when you get this-I want to hear my ringtone. I left my phone on all day just so I could hear it and nobody's called me all day long. So call me back. (Said in her best 'woe is me' voice.)

My little mama's a funny woman. We get at least one good chuckle during every chat and usually have pretty good conversations. She is so excited about the holidays I don't think she can contain herself. Minus having to work this week and panicking at having 8 of us in their 3 bedroom house, she LOVES this time of year. Take this conversation we had Saturday for example:

Me: What are you doing?
Mom: I'm at the Wal-Mart buying Thanksgiving decorations.
Me: You never decorate for Thanksgiving! What's up with that?
Mom: I've never had so many people coming for Thanksgiving!

And this conversation earlier in the day is a prime example of her secretly trying to contain her glee while going into "freak out" mode:

Me: When is JP (my little bro) coming?
Mom: He and Sydnee (his gf) are coming in either Tuesday night or Wednesday morning and leaving Thursday night. And your father and I are going to a hotel.
Me: What!?!?! Why?
Mom: Well, there's you & Zeb, Jonathan & Sydnee, Brian & Ali, me & your father. Where are we all going to sleep???

She's so funny sometimes. I love it! I can't wait to see that little woman and give her a big hug. And Dad too. He's looking for good leaf rakers this week. I told him I was bringing a good helper-Z. :) But truth be told, I'll find any excuse to hang out with the fam and just be around them. I'm so looking forward to it myself! I don't know who is more excited, me or my mama.

FYI: I LOVE PUMPKINS!

What am I not looking forward to? The 15 hour car ride. Granted, being with Z is always fun and he keeps me laughing but 15 hours in any car does not bode pleasant thoughts for me. It will be nice since we don't usually get to spend so much time together. And we have snacks and drinks and books and quizzes and music and blankets and magazines packed to keep us occupied so hopefully we'll be ok. Thank goodness he's so laid back and peaceful. He really is my balance. So even though it's a forever long drive, I am sure we'll have a good time together.

The thing I'm anticipating most about this holiday? No, it's not the actual Thanksgiving dinner food (although it probably should be as my mama is the best cook known to humankind). It's the time during and just after we eat where we all sit and talk and LAUGH. Those are my favorite memories of my family-our laughter. We are blessed enough that both of my brothers possess this insane ability to make anything funny. Whether it's front or cover, I'm not sure. But it is SO FUN! We typically laugh until Mom has to go 'check on the baby' (as they used to say) and my sides and cheeks hurt from laughing so much. It's by far the best part of ANY time that my whole family gets together. And this year will be fun with all 8 of us being there.

Can you tell I'm excited???

I have some other posts started that will have to wait. Z & I are leaving as soon as I get off work today and will be on the road through the night and into the morrow. (Sheesh, who ever thought I would use the word 'morrow' in my writing???) Say a prayer for us if you don't mind. And I'll be back with lots of great Turkey Day updates. My prayers are that each of us has a blessed holiday filled with thankfulness and gratitude to our great God who is the Giver of all that is good.

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!

Blessings,
B
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Birthday Blast

I am officially old. Or at least I feel old.

When I celebrated my quarter-century birthday Wednesday, I was still pretty sore from my fall at Grandmother's. So I felt a little older than I actually was. But in spite of my body making promises it couldn't keep, the birthday was FABULOUS!

Yes, I showed up to work late. But that didn't deter the celebration. My co-workers had decorated my work space and had red velvet cake waiting. YUM :) They even bought me some pink tulips that were beautiful. Not to mention, the 2 people I work with in commercial lines were gone to CE so I had the back office to myself. (I had told the girls I wished for a day of peace and quiet and I acutally got it.)

Mom, Dad & Grandmother showed up at my office with 25 pink balloons and a birthday brownie.
Not for me but for my co-workers (the brownie that is).


Dad toured the office while Mom & Grandmother sampled the brownie and then we came to my house. They unloaded the car and checked out the place and we just kind of hung out for a bit. Z showed up and we headed to lunch. 24th Street was great-as usual and afterward we picked up the cake. It was sooo pretty-I just adore A Piece of Cake! Definitely the best bakery in town.

After coming back home, we spent the afternoon just chatting and spending time together. Since Z was just meeting the 'rents for the 1st time, we thought it would be good just to take it easy. So while Grandmother napped, we talked. Then Dad, Z & I headed to Wal-Mart and picked up a few things. After we got back, Mom prepared the biggest birthday spread I've ever had. We had breaded chicken, hash brown potato casserole, steamed broccoli, butter beans, fried okra, crescent rolls, and strawberry pretzel salad. It was all SOOO tasty and I am just finishing up the leftovers today. Afterward we enjoyed cake and Braum's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and just relaxed. I took Z over to Dustie's, where he would spend the night, and Dad & I went and saw the church as he hadn't seen it post-renovation. We returned home and headed to bed.

Well, I was headed to bed until Matt called. We talked for a couple hours and it was so good to catch up. Though I know I'll never go back to the Cleveland area, I sure do miss him. We had such good times together and I'm grateful for our friendship. Hopefully a reunion is in the near future for us-Texas style. :)
*************************************
I'm sad for Mom & Dad to return to NC today but know that change is in store for all of us. More on that in a later post. It was such a refreshing time to have them here. And they officially have won the Best Parents of the Century award. I mean, do you know any other parents who would take a week of vacation to drive halfway across the country just to celebrate their daughters' birthday? Even if you do, they aren't 1/2 as cool as my parents. :)
*************************************
Z's birthday was yesterday. He had put in to be off from work from the 1st through the 4th and so he was able to stay here until early yesterday morning. I love him so much. After meeting my parents, I can't tell you the relief I felt and definitely feel things are heading in the right direction. We have some praying to do about the future but I trust the Lord has a divine plan for both of us.

Reasons # 5,814,927 & 5,814,928 why I love Z: his ipod tutor session w/Dad, he & Dad doing the dishes from dinner...
I dare you to tell me I don't have a perfect boyfriend! Love you Z!

Ok, I absolutely MUST sign off. I have a Sunday School lesson to prepare, nails to manicure, gifts to prepare, and a house to straighten. My prayers are for the Lord's blessings to overflow on each of you tomorrow as we gather in our individual houses of worship to praise the Ancient of Days. To Him be all blessing and honor and glory and power forever!

~B
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2

Day 17

Yes, I know what time it is and yes, I know I'm late for TI30. But I was absolutely exhausted last night. I had run all day long and when I got home I worked on the church directory until late. Gotta love projects that people start and don't finish that I have to pick up. But it will be so good to get a decent directory. I also got to catch up w/long, lost best friend, Matt. Haven't spoken with him in probably 2 months and it was so good to hear his voice. Can't believe he's getting married in 6 months but I'm happy for him. Needless to say, I was too tired to write last night so here's yesterday's list.

Thankful in 30

1. It was my one year anniversary at work which is so weird to me. I can't believe I've lived in Texas for over a year and have been working in insurance that long now. I became quite reflective when I realized it halfway through the day but I have to say I'm thankful for my first full, productive year of growth here in Texas. While things haven't turned out exactly the way I thought they would, God has brought me farther than I thought possible. He has pulled me out of my comfort zone (kicking & screaming) and taught me lessons on life, love, spirituality, and most importantly, myself. Now I know that I'm a much stronger person than I thought and with Him on my side, I can conquer anything. In the past 12 months, I've seen the lowest valleys of my life and soared to the highest mountains. And looking back, my God has been MORE than faithful. He's given me His best, even when I thought it should have been something different. He's treated me like the princess that I am in Him and I could never say enough about His mercy and grace.

Thank you, Lord for the lessons I've learned and the ways You have placed me on the Potter's wheel when I've been at my ugliest, most broken state only to refine me, shape me, and mold me into more of the woman You created me to be.

2. I'm thankful for the friends and family that have seen me through the past year. Yes, it's strained many relationships but I think God allows times of turmoil to make us (me) more appreciative of the bonds we share. I know that is especially true for me and I'm just thankful to have had people to walk with me along this part of my trek.


3. Lastly, I'd like to say thank you to (and for) the people who mean the world to me. Mom & Dad, thank you for raising me in a Christian home. Thank you for recognizing that I'd need a relationship with the Lord to help me through my life's journey. Thank you for allowing me to spread my wings and fly even when you felt like keeping me in the nest a little longer. My salvation is definitely a gift from God but I would never have received it had I not had praying parents who shared it with me. I'll never forget that night of revival, sitting in Dad's office, and praying the prayer of repentance. An insignificant moment for the rest of the world but a life-altering one for me; one that forever changed the course of my future. I would not be the woman that I am today without the blood of Jesus covering my life and more importantly, my sins. So thank you Mom and Dad, for being faithful to the cause of Christ and trusting the Lord with me. Because of Proverbs 22:6 ("Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.), I believe and know that one day, we'll see your sons come back to the same saving knowledge and recognition of Jesus that I have. He never said they wouldn't wander away so we must trust them into His hands. However, until the day they return, I vow to band with you as we stand in the gap for them, praying for God to do whatever it takes to restore them.

Ok, I think I've "spreached" enough. As you can see, I have a lot to be thankful for and could never fully express my gratitude for all the blessings in my life. But I'll keep trying...

Blessings,
B
Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
1 Thessalonians 5:18

A Tribute

Hold On To Jesus - Originally recorded by Erin O'Donnell

You're a little piece of heaven.
You're a golden ray of light
and I wish I could protect you
from the worries of this life.
But if there's one thing I could tell you,
it's no matter what you do,
hold on to Jesus, He's holding onto you.

The world will try to tell you
that might is more than right,
and beauty's on the outside,
and being good's a losing fight.
But remember what I've told you
'cause the world will make you choose-
hold on to Jesus, He's holding onto you.

Hold on to Jesus and cling to His love.
Rest deep in his mercy whenever things get rough.
And don't recite of his goodness
and don't ever doubt this truth,
that when you hold onto Jesus He's holdin onto you.

Hear me dear Jesus,
rock this little one to sleep.
Keep her close when she's scared
and give her grace when she is weak.
I know she'll stumble but i know she'll make it through
if you hold on to her just like you said you'd do.
Hold her Jesus so she'll hold on tight to you.
------------------------------------------------------------------

This song just played on my AOL Radio at work and I wanted to include the lyrics because of what they mean to me. When I left home in August 2001 to start college at Wake Forest University in Winston-Salem, NC (about an hour from my home at the time), I remember my mom and I riding in my loaded-down little '97 Saturn (which I still drive) with my dad following behind us in a loaded-down mini-van and her breaking out this cd. She played this song and bawled while I got teary-eyed but refused to break down and just cry.

Looking back on this memory, it was a life-changing event for me. Never again would I return "home" as it was those first 18 years. Never again would I see my mother in the same light I did as a child. Never again would life be as simple as it was. But as that memory flooded back to me while the song played here in my office, I realize that my mother is perhaps the best woman on the face of the earth. She knew that when it all came down to it, her relationship with me could only go so far but the relationship I have with Jesus would carry me so much further. Don't get me wrong, my mother has ALWAYS been there for me. Through broken relationships, financial crises, physical ailments, my mom has been the only constant in my life. My dad has been there too of course and his support means more than he'll ever know but there's an emotional bond that mothers and daughters share as women that is unique.

To me, my mother stands as a strong testimony to the faithfulness of God. In her life, she hasn't always been dealt the best hand and even now she struggles with what she is called to do for the Lord but she doesn't quit. She keeps persevering the best she can, sacrificing whatever it takes to do what she feels is right at the moment. For the past 4 years at least, she has been working 12-18 hours 5 days a week just to support my younger brother and I as we attended college. She and my father continue to pay my car insurance, cell phone bill and student loan payments every month and even send extra money (or at least extend the offer) whenever we need it. While my older brother was not afforded these "luxuries", I'm sure they would have done the same if he needed them to. Some might call me "spoiled" and I would agree to an extent but my parents have always been supportive and encouraging even if they were puzzled by our actions. I've never heard either of my parents tell me I can't do something I feel called to do. I've never questioned their love and I've always felt their prayers. When no one else would stand in the gap for me, I knew both of them already were. They are the epitome of God's love to me and I know that my relationship with them is just an extension of that same relationship with Him.

The relationship between me and my parents hasn't always been this way. I possess my mother's opinionated, stubborn streak and my father's perfectionism. These qualities caused great strife in my household during those early teen years. As every teenager does, I went through a "rebellious" stage from 14-16 or so dating boys they didn't like and hanging out with people that weren't the best influences. But during that time I never made life-altering bad decisions because of the principles and morals my parents had taught me. Even when I wanted to do something extremely rebellious, I knew that in my heart of hearts, I couldn't. I was more responsible than that and would have to reap the consequences of whatever choices I made. And I did-both good and bad consequences.

But as I grew and began to see that my parents really did know what they were talking about and truly did have my best interests in mind, I developed a greater respect for them. I began to see them in a different light and saw how the life experiences they had endured had made them into responsible people who love and serve the Lord in the best way they know how. And now they are my best friends. They hear all about the crazy events of my life, the deep desires and passions I have, the things God is doing in my life. We laugh together, cry together, and vent together. They are my heritage, my examples of Jesus' unconditional love. And I can't think of better people to turn into as I grow older. So to you, Mom & Dad, thank you will never be enough.