~Yesterday morning on the way to work, as I was pulling off my street onto the main road, I saw one of these:
pecking away in my neighbor's yard. And I did laugh out loud. Only in Texas.~Also yesterday, the receptionist at my office greeted a Hispanic customer and asked who he needed to see. He replied that he was there to see Matt, one of our producers, to which she replied, "What is your name?". Apparently, his Spanish was too fast for her as she told Matt that Manye Jose was there to see him when he actually said, "My name is Jose." Yes, I laughed out loud again.
~Poultry is a common theme of this post, for whatever reason, because today, while training a girl at work for my old job, she told me and another co-worker about a little chapel built by the Chicken King that is Pilgrim's Pride in Pittsburg, TX. She claims it is a 'really pretty place' even though it is smaller than our back office area so we lovingly nicknamed it the 'Chicken Chapel' where you can go reflect on...well...chickens.
~A quote from a co-worker when discussing the experience she had falling on her head while dancing with a homemade stripper pole made from PVC pipe: "It worked the first couple times." (I told you I work with heathens.)
~Another quote from the receptionist. She had just taken a message for our owner, who keeps a very busy schedule as former mayor and member of many community groups. The caller made the comment that trying to get ahold of him was like trying to get ahold of God-he's never there. To which I replied that that was the perfect opportunity for her to witness to that man by sharing of God's omnipresence so that she could get another jewel in her crown. Her response? "Girl, I ain't got no crown. Them jewels done fell out a long time ago." I do a lot of praying for these people.
~One of our customers at the insurance agency I work for filed a claim that he "somehow ran up on a 4 foot curb". Really? I mean really? And another filed a claim that she "hit a cow". Folks, you can't make this stuff up. Only in Texas...
~This last one is a bit long but it caused such a disruption in my little world that I have to share it. Last Thursday, at the end of my monthly grocery + everything-else-that-I-randomly-need-or-don't-need shopping, I walked to the checkout, proud that I had remembered to bring in some old bags so I wouldn't have to take even more home to add to my already overflowing stash of plastic grocery bags that numbers in the thousands. Anyway, with no one behind me, I told the elderly cashier of my plan to use the old bags and this was the conversation that ensued-as she continued to check my groceries:
Her: Well, I'd really rather use new ones. Because if I used yours I'd..." (with no justifiable reason.
Me: Oh. Well, ok. I was just trying to keep from having to take home a bunch of plastic bags when I already have way too many. Just trying to do my part to help the environment.
Her: Well, I just don't think we do that. It's against our code. Since somebody might be allergic to your bags. You know they make you get a new plate for each trip at a buffet restaurant and
Me: Well, that's fine. I'll just take home more bags.
Her: You know, you could check with a manager and see about recycling your bags. I know we have a place where you can do that in the break room and I think there's another one somewhere. Or you could ask the people at the door if there's one. Oh wait, let me ask this girl. (She proceeds to ask another checker about the bag recycling drop-off and other checker states it is just outside the 1st door.)
Her: So you can drop your bags off there. But I suppose it would make sense for you to be able to reuse your own bags. I mean, if you're just using your bags that's not a big deal right? But we wouldn't want anyone else to use them.
Me: That's what I want to do-just use my own bags.
Her: Well, I guess next time I could do that. It makes sense and it's good that you're trying to help the environment. Oh look, I gave you two bags for your ice cream
Me: (After paying and trying to start pushing my cart towards the door) (Exasperated) That's fine. Thank you very much. Have a good night.
So by the end of the conversation, she had convinced herself that it would be ok for people to reuse their own plastic bags as long as the sharing of bags never took place. The intelligence of some people astounds me sometimes. I was so aggravated by the time I got home and then on top of all that, she basically put every item I purchased in a different bag so I ended up with such a surplus of bags that I could wallpaper my entire house. Anyway, lesson learned. Just let the Wal-Mart checkers do their job-at least the elderly ones anyway-without any interference.
I hope you've gotten a laugh or two from these stories. You really should walk a day in my high heels-you'd be surprised at the craziness that occurs here in Tiny Town, Texas.
Blessings,
B
P.S. And for the record, I do believe the Lord laughed with me on most of these-even The Big Man can't deny funny.
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