I'm noticing

that my posts are getting more and more spread out. Blame that on Z. It's his fault that I can't sleep and don't want to do anything but talk to him. See, at 2:09am I can't sleep for thinking of him. This is not good. I never thought I could grow to care for someone as quickly as I have for him-it all seems too good to be true. But in the time I've spent with him (however limited it has been), he has been nothing but exactly who he appears to be-a kind gentleman who puts others before himself and loves God more than anything. Part of me is still in shock about him finding me and the other part of me is so tormented by the irrationality of it all that I can't take it in. As I told him today, God often has to move outside the box for me. If this had happened any other way, I would have probably been able to rationalize it enough to where it would seem that I made it happen and therefore this relationship would be just the same as every other one I've had. And we all know how those have ended. The beauty is that God works in our lives just as we need Him to and when He does, we can't deny that it's Him. I am in complete and utter awe of how good He is to have brought Z to me. Feelings of unworthiness flood my heart and I am inadequately able to express my gratitude.

In spite of my being lovestruck, I am being fairly productive as far as checking my e-mail 43,792 times to see if he's e-mailed me back getting church things in order and taking time to take care of me. Well, kind of.

I'm not sleeping much and it's not just because of talking to him all night. Apparently, my once oh-so-comfortable, donated-by-a-former-roomie twin bed has decided that it is high time for her to get revenge on me for all those nights of me sleeping like a baby while she bears the weight of the world me every minute. So now, every morning when I wake up (and multiple times throughout the night), I am made aware of just how uncomfortable she is because my back is aching, I'm just as tired as when I went to bed and some mornings, I am barely able to walk due to the pain that shoots around my back down my legs. Yes, my friends Mom & Dad, the time has come to get a new bed.

I suppose normal people who have lived life for far longer than I and have much more life experience than I do would be excited about the prospect of finally being able to fall blissfully into dreamland without any thought or care in the world. But honestly, the whole process scares me to death. I can only imagine walking into the local MFO (Mattress Factory Outlet)and the salesman posing the plethora of questions that will be asked while trying to find that perfect set of mattresses??? What kind of sleeper am I? Do I sleep on my back, my side, or my stomach? Do I prefer pillowtop or regular? Does pattern really matter (or can I sleep just as well on gardenia flowers as circus polka dots)? How firm is too firm? Do I have a brand preference?



All these thoughts torment me into being so scared to go through with it. I mean, what if I make a wrong decision and have to end up sleeping even more uncomfortably than I was before all because I didn't know the difference between coil tensions? Ugh, these thoughts detest me. Getting a peaceful night's sleep shouldn't be this difficult!

But alas, until I go on the search for the holy grail of mattresses, I will continue to be miserable every moment of my day from the stabbing pain in my back...

(Don't worry, there's more to come. I hit vacation Friday evening-I'm traveling to NC w/Ash-so the blogging should pick back up! Just say a little prayer for us as you roll over early on Saturday morning as we fly out of DFW for Ash's first flight ever. I'm thinking of getting her a prize if she's good on the plane! Ha...)