I'm noticing

that my posts are getting more and more spread out. Blame that on Z. It's his fault that I can't sleep and don't want to do anything but talk to him. See, at 2:09am I can't sleep for thinking of him. This is not good. I never thought I could grow to care for someone as quickly as I have for him-it all seems too good to be true. But in the time I've spent with him (however limited it has been), he has been nothing but exactly who he appears to be-a kind gentleman who puts others before himself and loves God more than anything. Part of me is still in shock about him finding me and the other part of me is so tormented by the irrationality of it all that I can't take it in. As I told him today, God often has to move outside the box for me. If this had happened any other way, I would have probably been able to rationalize it enough to where it would seem that I made it happen and therefore this relationship would be just the same as every other one I've had. And we all know how those have ended. The beauty is that God works in our lives just as we need Him to and when He does, we can't deny that it's Him. I am in complete and utter awe of how good He is to have brought Z to me. Feelings of unworthiness flood my heart and I am inadequately able to express my gratitude.

In spite of my being lovestruck, I am being fairly productive as far as checking my e-mail 43,792 times to see if he's e-mailed me back getting church things in order and taking time to take care of me. Well, kind of.

I'm not sleeping much and it's not just because of talking to him all night. Apparently, my once oh-so-comfortable, donated-by-a-former-roomie twin bed has decided that it is high time for her to get revenge on me for all those nights of me sleeping like a baby while she bears the weight of the world me every minute. So now, every morning when I wake up (and multiple times throughout the night), I am made aware of just how uncomfortable she is because my back is aching, I'm just as tired as when I went to bed and some mornings, I am barely able to walk due to the pain that shoots around my back down my legs. Yes, my friends Mom & Dad, the time has come to get a new bed.

I suppose normal people who have lived life for far longer than I and have much more life experience than I do would be excited about the prospect of finally being able to fall blissfully into dreamland without any thought or care in the world. But honestly, the whole process scares me to death. I can only imagine walking into the local MFO (Mattress Factory Outlet)and the salesman posing the plethora of questions that will be asked while trying to find that perfect set of mattresses??? What kind of sleeper am I? Do I sleep on my back, my side, or my stomach? Do I prefer pillowtop or regular? Does pattern really matter (or can I sleep just as well on gardenia flowers as circus polka dots)? How firm is too firm? Do I have a brand preference?



All these thoughts torment me into being so scared to go through with it. I mean, what if I make a wrong decision and have to end up sleeping even more uncomfortably than I was before all because I didn't know the difference between coil tensions? Ugh, these thoughts detest me. Getting a peaceful night's sleep shouldn't be this difficult!

But alas, until I go on the search for the holy grail of mattresses, I will continue to be miserable every moment of my day from the stabbing pain in my back...

(Don't worry, there's more to come. I hit vacation Friday evening-I'm traveling to NC w/Ash-so the blogging should pick back up! Just say a little prayer for us as you roll over early on Saturday morning as we fly out of DFW for Ash's first flight ever. I'm thinking of getting her a prize if she's good on the plane! Ha...)

The Non-Diet Diet

It appears I am unknowingly on a diet and yesterday was the day for me to be made aware of this fact by 3 different people. I'm not complaining but what do you say when people ask if you're on a diet and you're really not.

Here's how it went down:

Nancy, the sweetest Hispanic lady I've ever met who goes to church with us some: I was going to ask you earlier, are you on a diet?
Me: Not hardly. I'm just on the "I-don't-have-time-to-eat" diet.
Nancy: Well, you look like you've lost some weight.
Me: I guess you could say I went on the "VBS diet" 'cause I promise you that doing VBS is a guaranteed weight loss trick. You don't have time to eat but you're running around like crazy so the weight has to come off.
Shannon, my pastor's wife: Yes, you do look like you've lost some weight.
Nancy: Doesn't she though? Even since the last time I saw you. (which has been several weeks)
Me: Thank you-I've definitely got more to go.

All of this occurred after my office manager/boss asked me how much weight I've lost total and I, of course, have to respond with "I have no idea" since the last time I weighed was in early May when I went to the doctor for bronchitis. At that time I had lost about 20 lbs. and I've come down quite a bit since then so if I had to guess, I'd say I've lost a total of about 30 lbs. Anyway, it does feel good to have people notice and I have to admit that during an online chat last night as I was sharing pictures during our conversation, I wouldn't share any from before May of this year because of how terrible I looked. I couldn't believe the difference in my appearance and am so ashamed that I walked around like that for so long. I'm not skinny by any means but I'm working on getting healthier (regardless of the fact that while sitting in the McDonald's drive-thru last night I told my mom I was glad to be getting "real food").

I obviously have a food problem-I am addicted to it. Or at least I used to be. I would gorge myself on foods I love, acting like it was the last time I'd ever get to eat them-every time. So I've had to come to terms with that, realizing that since I do have such a love of food and I'm an emotional eater, the odds are against me ever being skinny. So that's not what I'm trying to do. Yes, that is a side effect of my plan but all I want to do is be healthier. And since I've been trying to do better and bring my weight down, I've noticed that I'll say to myself on the way to eat out, "Now Bethany, this is not the last time that you'll ever get to eat at (insert name of restaurant)." I know that sounds crazy but it really has made a difference. I find that I don't overeat near as often and I make healthier choices when eating out-unless I'm just craving something fried and greasy. I still have problems eating better at home. For a while I was doing well-salads for lunch and maybe even dinner. But since I haven't had even 5 minutes for a grocery run, I've been dishing up pb & j for lunch (until my bread molded and now it's just pb on whole wheat saltines) and perhaps a bowl of cereal around 10pm for dinner. You don't have to tell me, I know I'm not on the healthy eater train but at least I'm not gaining weight. And peanut butter is that good y'all! It's my favorite condiment :)

Add to all of this that none, I repeat, NONE of my clothes fit me right without having to pin, tape, or perform minor alterations on. I'm starting to see that just a little attention spent on myself is worth a great deal. I told my mom last night that every pair of pants and every skirt I own can be removed without unzipping or unbuttoning anything (which led to a near disaster on a recent date as the skirt I was wearing that is now probably 2 sizes too big had ridden half-way down my right hip exposing undergarments and causing utter humiliation which, thank God, said boy didn't see since it was dark). I can only imagine how much I'd lose if I were back to exercising semi-regularly-which I haven't done in over a month. And I miss it...

All this to say that I was proud this morning when I put on a pair of pants that definitely need a belt and discovered that said belt which used to barely buckle on the last notch has now been tightened to the 5th notch. Go me!

A Kodak Moment

So the long awaited moment has come. No, not the end of VBS (although we all did a Jericho march at the end of it). Not even the beginning of my trip to NC (which I can't wait for-10 days!!!). No folks, it's the posting of pictures-all 2 of them. So enjoy!

*Here are those baby birds that took up residence in the rafters of my porch. They are flying now but still call this little nest home. It's been a beautiful thing to watch this life cycle come full circle. (But I will be tearing down the nest after they're gone b/c I'm sick of walking through the poop to get into my house.)

*Here's the blasphemy that my poor car is subjected to-a TX license plate. No more pretty planes w/First In Flight written across them. Sad day!

And thus ends the visual sampling of my world for tonight. I've got lots more to post but more to take too. And the VBS roundup is coming too! Happy hump day!

The end is coming...

Hello all you faithful readers out there Mom & Dad!

I haven't done very well with keeping up with my VBS posts. I promise there will be a re-cap complete with pictures in the near future after I get tonight behind me. We're having the water slide, dunking booth (poor pastor), snow cones, popcorn & hot dogs tonight at family night and I'm excited! Not because it's the end of VBS (although truth be told, I will sleep much better-and longer tonight) but because I can't wait to see the kids having a blast tonight! Deep down, I love acting as crazy as they do but most of the time I have to keep myself in the "24 and acting it" group so it's been fun to act like an 8 year old all week!

There's a lot of good stuff going on in my life. So much so, that'd I'd like to bring in our favorite friend, Mr. List to help me share it. Shall we???

~With the end of VBS in sight and no work tomorrow, I'll get to make my 1st trip to Canton, TX tomorrow w/my friend Ash and her parents. While I wish I were going to be with my parents for the 4th, the next best thing are hers so I'm sure we'll enjoy the day.

~The month of July has been declared "Organize the Church" month. Our church is in SERIOUS need of organization and I'm planning to hit it hard after I take a couple days to recover from VBS. It is much needed and just happens to be one of my gifts so I'm gonna run with it. After that, August is "Nursery" month where I'm going to attempt to paint and redecorate our nursery (w/some help). I'm excited about tackling these tasks and planning more events like a Back-To-School bash and Christmas program with several other things thrown in the mix.

~I've had the privilege of chatting for the past few days with a very endearing guy from Arlington. He's a youth pastor, has great grammar, and is very wise for his age which is a year younger than me. I'm excited about having lunch with him Monday as his family passes through town on their way to visit family in OK. Z, if you're reading, thanks again for everything! It's been great!

~Only 16 more days until I leave for NC w/Ash! I can't wait to be with family and put my feet on my home soil again. I sure do miss that state-especially with everyone trying to convince me that the lake is just as good as the beach. They've obviously never been to a NC beach! Home sweet home!

~As a closing, I'd like to say that I screw up majorly sometimes. I get in my flesh and as my friend Z says, sometimes it's easier to fight the devil than to fight your flesh. But the amazing thing to me is that regardless of what I do, God's love for me never changes. I've learned that the hard way the past couple of weeks-I've made some bad decisions and not handled myself properly but I'm so thankful that my God still opens His arms to love on me as I repent and turn from my sin. He is a faithful God whose love never changes and who He, Himself never changes. I am thankful that even in my failure, His strength is perfect.

Blessings to you all & have a happy July the 4th as we celebrate and thank God for the independence we have as a country!

~B
Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.
2 Corinthians 3:17

I Wuv Wadur Swides!

Quote of the day for Monday's VBS compliments of Michael T.

That little boy is precious and I am so glad we are able to serve him at VBS. He lives on the West side of town (in a sketchy neighborhood) and his mother is homebound. But every evening, our van stops by to pick him up and bring him-and I am so glad we do. It's kids like Michael who make all the bloody (and yes, there has been a little), sweaty, chaotic, sore muscle-y, sleepless, paint-on-clothes minutes worth it.

Monday went off with minor glitches. The only major one was my fault as I miscommunicated the plans for the game to my game teacher for the night. But it all worked out in the end and everybody had a great time. The kids are really getting into it (w/the exception of some older boys) and the teachers are having a good time as well. I can't believe the week will be half way over tonight but it has been great thus far. No pictures from last night as I haven't had a chance to download them yet. But check back tomorrow for another quote & more pics. We're having lots of fun riding the wave of God's love at Water Works! Park. :)


Blessings,
Bethany