Not Guilty

I've been accused of droppin' it like it's hot regarding my blog since it's been almost 2 weeks since a new post went up. (Thanks, Z.) I haven't purposefully ignored you, my faithful readers Mom & Dad, it's just been a whirlwind since I made my great exodus to NC with Ash for a few days.

When I left Friday evening, I had every intention to update while I was gone since my parents are 21st century enough to have wireless at their house and I took my trusty travel computer (read-laptop) with me. But from the minute we left, it was a whirlwind of activity. I still can't believe I did all that eating but BOY was it good! I'll try to make a post later this evening and let the pictures tell the story of the trip. It was a fabulous vacation and honestly, one of the best I've had. So much so, that I threatened not to come home. But alas, Ash convinced me to at least come back and enjoy the rest of the summer (since summer here lasts well into November) so here I am.

So much has happened in the week since I've been back. Lots of church stuff-good and bad but mostly good. The biggest news is that yesterday, I mailed in my application to pursue my Exhorter's ministerial license with the Church of God. Your WHAT??? you say? My Exhorter's. What's that??? Honestly, I really don't know. All I do know is that it is the beginning ministerial license for my denomination and I want to obtain it. My application is at the COG state office in Weatherford by now and last night, the church set me forth to pursue it via a church conference. I'm very excited but extremely scared. I feel like I don't know what I'm getting myself into but there's just something in me that kept pushing me toward it. We'll see in a few months what goes down & I'm sure you'll be hearing a LOT more about it since it will take me approximately a year to complete.

Another item of interest has been my relationship with Z. We've known each other for exactly 5 weeks today and have been dating officially for 3 of those 5. This relationship has progressed faster than any other relationship I've ever been in but I've never felt this way about a man before. There's been a major development between us but until I chat with my parents, all you other members of my fan club will have to wait. I'll post it as soon as I can but in the stead (thanks for that phrase Dr. E), send up some prayers for Z (and me) that we will find the Lord's perfect Will for us.

August promises to be a busy month at church and I'm so excited! With events and meetings planned nearly every night, I can't wait to see what God is going to do for us as a corporate body while we continue to follow His lead! I'm invigorated by the potential and judging by our recent encounters with His presence, an intense outpouring is on its way! Oooooo, shala bala! :)

Ok, enough for now. A longer post is on the end of my fingertips and as soon as I have a spare moment this evening, I promise to release it. I hope you all, each and every all one of you, are doing well-leave a comment and let me hear from my people! Thanks for checking back in for the long-awaited update. More is on the horizon!

Much love,
~B
(I've been doing a lot of this lately.)
But those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31

I'm leavin' on a jet plane...

(but sorry Peter, Paul & Mary-and John Denver-I do indeed know when I'll be back again.)

In honor of my impending vacation, I've decided to bring in special guest, List Format, to help me share with you why I am SOOO excited about the next 7 days. Mr. Format, you may begin...

TOP 10 REASONS WHY BETHANY IS EXCITED ABOUT VACATION

1. BYE BYE
I am LEAVING PARIS! As much as I have grown to love this town, it gets old seeing the same old things, day after day.

2. FRIEND
I am vacationing with my bestie, Ash. We ALWAYS have fun together and there will definitely be many good memories made on this trip! Plus, I can't wait to see how many people ask us if we're twins or sisters. This will be fun!

3. MEMORIES
Ash has never flown before so this will definitely be a learning experience for her. I can't wait to hear what she has to say about all the proceedings of the flight. Especially since I've researched the TSA website and provided her with as much information as possible to make her first flight enjoyable including "What are you wearing on the plane?" and "What is it exactly that I can't have in my purse?". I'm loving it!

4. Z
This evening, I'll get to spend some time with Z as I'm staying with him and his family tonight and he'll be taking me to the airport in the morning. He was sweet enough to offer to do this for me so that we could avoid parking fees and is even getting up before God does on Saturdays to deliver me to my flight. (It really works well for him to live so close to the airport-now I have every reason to go down the night before a flight to see him and we can do the whole mushy airport goodbye thing. Just kidding. Kinda.)

~As a side note, have I mentioned that he and I are "in a relationship" (to use Facebook/MySpace terms)? I spent Friday night and Saturday with him last weekend and we had the DTR (define the relationship) talk and decided that we want to try to pursue this. The distance situation is not ideal but it is what it is and we're making the best of it. The best way I know how to explain it is this: When in a relationship, there are multiple levels on which there is potential for one to connect with another person. For me these levels include physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, and humorful-even though that's not the word, I can't find the one I'm looking for. (I know there are more but these are the most prominent and important to me.) In the past, I have connected with the guys I've dated on varying levels. All of them shared a connection with me on the physical level as there is usually a visual trait that originally attracts me to them and vice versa. However, I may connect with one physically and emotionally and another may strike me physically and with his sense of humor. Until Z, I had yet to meet a man whom I connected with on every level. But I do with him. He just "gets" me-for lack of a better term. He can almost read my mind at times which is scary or we'll jointly say the exact same thing. And the way he fills silences in conversations with "yeah", "well", and "aaanywaaay" is absolutely adorable. He is by far the best guy I've ever dated and not to sound conceited but I'm glad I've waited. He treats me the way I feel I deserve to be treated and we have a mutual respect and concern for each other. The only drawback is that I don't see him more but we discussed it and that may actually be better for the both of us since we both stay fairly busy. I still wish that we could be busy seeing each other but it makes the time we do get to spend together more special. And I think we cherish each other more than if we had the luxury of being together every day. Anyway, we're off to a great start and seeing him is an added bonus to my vacation!

Sorry for interrupting, List. Please continue...

5. FAMILY REUNIONS!
Need I say more? Seeing kin folk (and seeing a baby cousin I haven't had the pleasure of meeting yet) and eating more food than you can imagine all at the same time is pure bliss to me. I think I'm more excited to see Mom and Dad than anybody else though. I never dreamed that I would have stuck around Paris for so long so I'm still getting used to only seeing my parents every few months. Although I am blessed enough that they still pay for me to fly home whenever I can make time and I am so thankful for that. It will be a year to the day Sunday that I first came to visit Paris and now, a year later, here I am. My, how time changes things!?!

6. BROTHERS
Getting to spend time with my brothers is always a blast for me. From the time I see them, I'll be laughing. I've already been laughing with my little bro, JP this week. He's been calling me a bit more often and his latest call included the following:

JP: Why don't we talk more? You're fun to talk to.
Me: Because you're busy working and going to school all the time.
JP: Well, I usually have a break around 11:30 every night.
Me: So call me, it'll only be 10:30 here. I'm still up then.
JP: I'll have to do that.

You have no idea how much that warmed my heart y'all. And check out our conversation via the Facebook wall (begin reading at the bottom of the insert which is the last picture of me-the postings are listed in order of most recent date):

Bethany Pearce wrote at 10:19pm yesterday Ok, Mr. Business Agg. I'll take 40% and any tips you get... No more negotiations. Me no speak English. Write on My Wall - Delete

Jonathan Pearce (N.C. State) wrote at 9:51pm yesterday I'll give you 30% if you are really lucky Write on Jonathan's Wall - Delete

Bethany Pearce wrote at 9:42pm yesterday If you think I'm gonna let some crazy, hyperactive chihuahua carry my 3 karat platinum ring down the aisle, you've got another thing coming. Now that I think about it, I don't know if I'd let you carry them. :) Maybe you just better stand at the door and pass out programs-you could sell them for a small fee and make a li'l extra cash at my wedding! Ha... Matt's already said he's selling tickets to it so you guys could provide a package price. But I get a 50% cut... Write on My Wall - Delete

Jonathan Pearce (N.C. State) wrote at 4:53pm yesterday you can't just mail order a guy and marry him like that......I'm too old to carry the rings, better get a cute dog pillow so Toby can hold it. Write on Jonathan's Wall - Delete

Bethany Pearce wrote at 4:07pm yesterday P.S. I'm glad we're not getting divorced any time soon. I'll be needing a ring bearer in my wedding... :) Write on My Wall - Delete

Jonathan Pearce (N.C. State) wrote at 12:11pm yesterday Hahaha......you crazy Write on Jonathan's Wall - Delete

Bethany Pearce wrote at 11:32am yesterday Don't be blah. Suck it up champ! :) Don't forget to tell fill-in bf that he'll need to wear his best khakis and polo to the reunions because if I am going to endure everyone's gossip about my baby, I'll at least need him to look presentable. Write on My Wall - Delete

Bethany Pearce wrote at 2:22pm on July 11th, 2008 1.For the record, I have no problem that you and Joe are any kind of life partners, I just don't want to see it plastered all over FB. 2.You're right, you don't stand a chance and I haven't even seen the girl. 3. I just really want to see if you and your gf make a cute couple. So obey your elder and get on it! Write on My Wall - Delete

Jonathan Pearce (N.C. State) wrote at 2:18pm on July 11th, 2008 Me and Joe are hetero life partners and you're going to have to deal with that. He's engaged anyway, I don't stand a chance, she's a lot more beautiful than me..... Write on Jonathan's Wall - Delete

Bethany Pearce wrote at 2:15pm on July 11th, 2008 Hurry up and put up a pic of you & her so that I can quit looking at this semi-gay picture of you and Joe already Write on My Wall - Delete

Bethany Pearce wrote at 2:11pm on July 11th, 2008 Ok, what is this??? A relationship status update and I didn't know about it ahead of time??? I even stayed up with you until the wee hours of the morning and you're gonna be like this. I can't believe it. I'm crying. Sad day. Write on My Wall - Delete

See, growing up, I've not really had the best relationships with my brothers. Being a perfectionist, OCD girl and being viewed as a fanatic to them (How else do Baptists describe Pentecostals?) has alienated me from them and I think they've felt I'm just too hard core to talk to. But I really feel that he and I are beginning to restore that sibling relationship now. He's even mentioned pursuing pharmaceutical sales and us living together in Dallas after he graduates and although that thought was a bit sketchy to me at first, I think we'd have a good time together. Of course, in 6 months when he actually does graduate, he'll have changed his mind and be moving to Seattle to sell coffee or something. Anyway, I am so thankful to have brothers who know how to laugh and enjoy family company as it has provided the best post-Sunday lunch entertainment I know and I look forward to what this weekend will bring. Family reunions always bring a whole new repertoire of laughable material to the table and I can't wait!

7. FOOD
Courtesy of my father's precious family, I get to enjoy not 1 but 2, count 'em, TWO wonderful, home-cooked meals. Now, I know I've been dieting and exercising some (and last week, I think I'd lost somewhere around 30 lbs.) but family reunion weekend-I'M FREE! I refuse to deny myself the treat of eating what I want and however much of it and as detrimental as that may sound for my weight loss, I actually tend to eat less when I go into it openly. So I am VERY excited about all the good food I will be enjoying at the reunions and even moreso the meals Mama will make after we return home. She knows what I like and is SUCH a good cook. I really should take some lessons from her. And on top of all that, I'll be in Zaxby's country! Woo hoo! And I can't tell you how excited I am to get to eat a Zaxby's club or the Chicken Fingers meal with that Texas toast and cole slaw! MMM...I can taste it now! So yeah, my love affair with food continues!

8. NC
I don't know if you've gathered this from reading since you've never read my blog but I absolutely LOVE my home state. My blood runs Carolina blue and I miss Tarheel country when I'm not there. The landscape, the smells, the familiar sights-I can't wait to take them all in again and plant my feet on my home turf once again. "Nothing could be finer than to be in Carolina in the morning!" I know exactly why Gus Kahn felt that way-there's no place I'd rather be!


9. SLEEP
As selfish or lazy as it sounds, I am so ready to sleep. Per my previous post, you should understand why I'm not resting well. Yesterday I noticed that I'm only comfortable when I'm standing as sitting or laying puts pressure directly on the area and sends blinding pain to my mid-back. So the prospect of sleeping in a comfy bed-perhaps even sleeping as long as my body desires-is a HUGE point of relief for me! (Don't worry, purchasing a new one is on the top of my priority list when I return next week so there is an end in sight to all my complaining.)

10. LOVE
Ridiculous as it may sound, this trip is going to be full of love. Love from family, friends, Z and I need a little of that right now. At the risk of sounding whiny, I have felt a bit "alone" here lately, like I've poured out myself on others so much lately that I'm empty and I'm excited about the time I'll get to be poured into. I don't want a parade or crown to wear, I just want to be loved. I know there are lots of people here who do (ok, that sounded egotistical but you know what I mean) but sometimes, I just need to be reminded that I'm loved for all of me-my past, present and future included-and only people who know my past can love me in that way. I also like to feel that love and unfortunately, I am so busy so often that I don't take the time to feel that love or effectively pour it out on others. The point of this paragraph? I'm excited about LOVE!

Ok, now I seriously MUST get busy at work or I may not have a job to come back to. I guess this long post has been a while in the making. There's so much more to share but that will have to be done from Z's house this evening or the plane/car rides tomorrow. Pictures and fun stories are sure to follow!

Much love & many blessings to all of you, Mom & Dad! Can't wait to see you at 12:09pm tomorrow in Charlotte!

~B
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:7-12

I'm noticing

that my posts are getting more and more spread out. Blame that on Z. It's his fault that I can't sleep and don't want to do anything but talk to him. See, at 2:09am I can't sleep for thinking of him. This is not good. I never thought I could grow to care for someone as quickly as I have for him-it all seems too good to be true. But in the time I've spent with him (however limited it has been), he has been nothing but exactly who he appears to be-a kind gentleman who puts others before himself and loves God more than anything. Part of me is still in shock about him finding me and the other part of me is so tormented by the irrationality of it all that I can't take it in. As I told him today, God often has to move outside the box for me. If this had happened any other way, I would have probably been able to rationalize it enough to where it would seem that I made it happen and therefore this relationship would be just the same as every other one I've had. And we all know how those have ended. The beauty is that God works in our lives just as we need Him to and when He does, we can't deny that it's Him. I am in complete and utter awe of how good He is to have brought Z to me. Feelings of unworthiness flood my heart and I am inadequately able to express my gratitude.

In spite of my being lovestruck, I am being fairly productive as far as checking my e-mail 43,792 times to see if he's e-mailed me back getting church things in order and taking time to take care of me. Well, kind of.

I'm not sleeping much and it's not just because of talking to him all night. Apparently, my once oh-so-comfortable, donated-by-a-former-roomie twin bed has decided that it is high time for her to get revenge on me for all those nights of me sleeping like a baby while she bears the weight of the world me every minute. So now, every morning when I wake up (and multiple times throughout the night), I am made aware of just how uncomfortable she is because my back is aching, I'm just as tired as when I went to bed and some mornings, I am barely able to walk due to the pain that shoots around my back down my legs. Yes, my friends Mom & Dad, the time has come to get a new bed.

I suppose normal people who have lived life for far longer than I and have much more life experience than I do would be excited about the prospect of finally being able to fall blissfully into dreamland without any thought or care in the world. But honestly, the whole process scares me to death. I can only imagine walking into the local MFO (Mattress Factory Outlet)and the salesman posing the plethora of questions that will be asked while trying to find that perfect set of mattresses??? What kind of sleeper am I? Do I sleep on my back, my side, or my stomach? Do I prefer pillowtop or regular? Does pattern really matter (or can I sleep just as well on gardenia flowers as circus polka dots)? How firm is too firm? Do I have a brand preference?



All these thoughts torment me into being so scared to go through with it. I mean, what if I make a wrong decision and have to end up sleeping even more uncomfortably than I was before all because I didn't know the difference between coil tensions? Ugh, these thoughts detest me. Getting a peaceful night's sleep shouldn't be this difficult!

But alas, until I go on the search for the holy grail of mattresses, I will continue to be miserable every moment of my day from the stabbing pain in my back...

(Don't worry, there's more to come. I hit vacation Friday evening-I'm traveling to NC w/Ash-so the blogging should pick back up! Just say a little prayer for us as you roll over early on Saturday morning as we fly out of DFW for Ash's first flight ever. I'm thinking of getting her a prize if she's good on the plane! Ha...)

The Non-Diet Diet

It appears I am unknowingly on a diet and yesterday was the day for me to be made aware of this fact by 3 different people. I'm not complaining but what do you say when people ask if you're on a diet and you're really not.

Here's how it went down:

Nancy, the sweetest Hispanic lady I've ever met who goes to church with us some: I was going to ask you earlier, are you on a diet?
Me: Not hardly. I'm just on the "I-don't-have-time-to-eat" diet.
Nancy: Well, you look like you've lost some weight.
Me: I guess you could say I went on the "VBS diet" 'cause I promise you that doing VBS is a guaranteed weight loss trick. You don't have time to eat but you're running around like crazy so the weight has to come off.
Shannon, my pastor's wife: Yes, you do look like you've lost some weight.
Nancy: Doesn't she though? Even since the last time I saw you. (which has been several weeks)
Me: Thank you-I've definitely got more to go.

All of this occurred after my office manager/boss asked me how much weight I've lost total and I, of course, have to respond with "I have no idea" since the last time I weighed was in early May when I went to the doctor for bronchitis. At that time I had lost about 20 lbs. and I've come down quite a bit since then so if I had to guess, I'd say I've lost a total of about 30 lbs. Anyway, it does feel good to have people notice and I have to admit that during an online chat last night as I was sharing pictures during our conversation, I wouldn't share any from before May of this year because of how terrible I looked. I couldn't believe the difference in my appearance and am so ashamed that I walked around like that for so long. I'm not skinny by any means but I'm working on getting healthier (regardless of the fact that while sitting in the McDonald's drive-thru last night I told my mom I was glad to be getting "real food").

I obviously have a food problem-I am addicted to it. Or at least I used to be. I would gorge myself on foods I love, acting like it was the last time I'd ever get to eat them-every time. So I've had to come to terms with that, realizing that since I do have such a love of food and I'm an emotional eater, the odds are against me ever being skinny. So that's not what I'm trying to do. Yes, that is a side effect of my plan but all I want to do is be healthier. And since I've been trying to do better and bring my weight down, I've noticed that I'll say to myself on the way to eat out, "Now Bethany, this is not the last time that you'll ever get to eat at (insert name of restaurant)." I know that sounds crazy but it really has made a difference. I find that I don't overeat near as often and I make healthier choices when eating out-unless I'm just craving something fried and greasy. I still have problems eating better at home. For a while I was doing well-salads for lunch and maybe even dinner. But since I haven't had even 5 minutes for a grocery run, I've been dishing up pb & j for lunch (until my bread molded and now it's just pb on whole wheat saltines) and perhaps a bowl of cereal around 10pm for dinner. You don't have to tell me, I know I'm not on the healthy eater train but at least I'm not gaining weight. And peanut butter is that good y'all! It's my favorite condiment :)

Add to all of this that none, I repeat, NONE of my clothes fit me right without having to pin, tape, or perform minor alterations on. I'm starting to see that just a little attention spent on myself is worth a great deal. I told my mom last night that every pair of pants and every skirt I own can be removed without unzipping or unbuttoning anything (which led to a near disaster on a recent date as the skirt I was wearing that is now probably 2 sizes too big had ridden half-way down my right hip exposing undergarments and causing utter humiliation which, thank God, said boy didn't see since it was dark). I can only imagine how much I'd lose if I were back to exercising semi-regularly-which I haven't done in over a month. And I miss it...

All this to say that I was proud this morning when I put on a pair of pants that definitely need a belt and discovered that said belt which used to barely buckle on the last notch has now been tightened to the 5th notch. Go me!

A Kodak Moment

So the long awaited moment has come. No, not the end of VBS (although we all did a Jericho march at the end of it). Not even the beginning of my trip to NC (which I can't wait for-10 days!!!). No folks, it's the posting of pictures-all 2 of them. So enjoy!

*Here are those baby birds that took up residence in the rafters of my porch. They are flying now but still call this little nest home. It's been a beautiful thing to watch this life cycle come full circle. (But I will be tearing down the nest after they're gone b/c I'm sick of walking through the poop to get into my house.)

*Here's the blasphemy that my poor car is subjected to-a TX license plate. No more pretty planes w/First In Flight written across them. Sad day!

And thus ends the visual sampling of my world for tonight. I've got lots more to post but more to take too. And the VBS roundup is coming too! Happy hump day!