When I Fall In Love

Growing up, every little girl dreams of when she'll be able to sing that old Doris Day song and know that she's found that forever love. I know I've spoken of it quite a bit but I do feel that I've found mine. And it all changed in an instant.

Z and I had been "officially" dating for 5 weeks and had known each other for just under 2 months. Things were moving fast-faster than I was comfortable with and I knew that I wasn't just falling-I had fallen. At this point, I had been to Arlington 3 times and Z had come to Paris twice. The second time was the weekend right after the first time he visited and it was a total surprise. He showed up at my house on a Saturday evening just as a friend and I were getting ready to go to a concert here in town. I had just stepped out of the shower and was applying my makeup. The doorbell rang, my friend answered it and there he stood. I thought she was kidding but she told me to put on some clothes and come see for myself. So I threw on a tank and my pj bottoms and she was right. It was him. That was the start of the change.

He stayed through the weekend and into the first part of the week, not leaving until Tuesday evening. Those two weekdays were special-I'd go home for lunch and he'd be there. We spent one evening visiting a newborn church member in the hospital, eating pizza & ice cream & watching Madea. Tuesday evening before he left, I came home from work and he had folded the laundry, done the dishes and cleaned up the house. (Now do you understand why I love him so much ladies?) So we were able to just enjoy each other's company before he had to head home.

After he left, my pastor's wife called to see how I was doing. We made small talk for a few and hung up. Her daughter (who is like my sister) called back minutes later, inviting me over to watch a movie. I agreed since I was pretty bummed about Z leaving so I arrived and we (me, Pastor, & PW-pastor's wife) sat and chatted in their living room. The kids were busy "cleaning" (aka playing) so we were able to have some adult conversation. After discussing all the likes and dislikes (though those were few) of my situation, I could tell my heart was changing. Pastor & PW know me the best of anyone outside of my family (especially spiritually) so I value their opinions. They both gave Z the stamp of approval (not that it was needed but I felt better with it) and we chatted about other random topics. After PW & I talked his ear off, Pastor went to bed-it was late when I got there-but PW and I continued our discussion of the situation. At some point during the conversation, I began to cry and when PW asked why, I had no good explanation. I was scared but not enough to cry so hard. Once I began to contemplate it, I realized why I was crying and exactly what was wrong:

Now that I had found the one I believe God made for me, I didn't want to be alone anymore.

See, up to this point, I had enjoyed my independence, my freedom. I liked living alone, having my space, not feeling pressured or tied down. I didn't have to ask anybody's permission to do anything and I didn't have to feel guilty for doing what I wanted to do.

But now, I had met this man. A man who I wanted to be with, who I wanted to ask permission from, who I wanted to be tied to. A man who made me feel like a woman, who treated me like a lady, and who respected me as a sister in Christ. And that enjoyment of freedom was snuffed out-in the blink of an eye. In fact, the average person on the outside looking in would have never noticed anything different. But that night into the early morning hours of August 20, 2008 there was a 180 degree change for me.

So now, here are Z & I-struggling to follow God's will for us; wanting to press the fast-forward button on our lives but knowing we should cherish every here-and-now moment together. And that's just what we plan to do-for the rest of our lives.

I love you, Z.
Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God. Where you die I will die, and there I will be buried. May the LORD deal with me, be it ever so severely, if anything but death separates you and me. Ruth 1:16b-17

Blessings,
B
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13