I found myself singing that song with more passion than ever this Sunday morning before Christmas. The pastor had just finished his holiday sermon about the Life, Love, and Logos of the Word and I was just one in the sea of people in that big Baptist church. Without going into a lot of detail, there were some events that transpired at the church I joined and had been so faithful to during my time in Paris that made it pretty much impossible for me to continue attend. Fortunately, I guess you could say, I've been out of town every weekend for the past month so I hadn't dealt with the blow of attending another church in town. Until today. But I resigned myself to going to this particular church as I had gone to a women's conference there back in February and had been quite impressed.
In all honesty, I kind of expected to feel like a fish out of water. It had been this way last Christmas after the guy I was dating, considered marrying, and moved to Paris for broke up with me. He was the youth pastor at our church and I wondered if I'd ever be able to be a member there and be comfortable again. In fact, over the Christmas holidays, I started the process of preparing to move back east, to NC, where I knew I could settle back into the comfort of home. Christmas hadn't been the joyous, heartfelt holiday it had always been and I had suffered through every minute of it. We all know that story had a different ending but this year, I found myself in much of the same situation. I was mourning the loss of a dear friendship and the loss of the safe haven that church had been to me. Yet again in the throes of transition with preparations to move, start a new job and get married, I didn't see how this Christmas was any more joyful than the last and was throwing a great pity party for myself.
But there I was, seated in the flawlessly decorated sanctuary, listening to the pianist play this childhood favorite. And though the rest of the congregation remained silent, I couldn't help but allow the words to spill over my lips. For it was in that moment, the sweet, hushed voice of the Holy Spirit reminded me what my life is really supposed to be about. And as I closed my eyes and bowed my head and continued to sing softly, I began to realize again that I had made a choice to follow Jesus and there would be no turning back. I could allow my life to be overrun by circumstances and worldly things or I could die daily to myself and pick up my cross to follow Him.
So there, in that big, Baptist church, singing a non-traditional Christmas song, I relinquished control again to the only Man who sees me in all my imperfections but still continues to love me perfectly and I began to see the true meaning of Christmas.
Blessings,
B
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me." Matthew 16:24
No comments:
Post a Comment