I have but a few minutes before I begin training a co-worker so I thought I'd write a short post.
Ever since Sunday I've been on cloud 9. I had a long (and I do mean long-like 'til 3am long) talk with my Pastor who also happens to be my friend. Having known him for almost 4 years, we have developed a friendship and he is almost like an older brother to me. Never once have I questioned his motives or his genuine concern for me and he is definitely one of those people that knows me and really gets me. I suppose he is that way with all people (and since he's a pastor, that works well for him) but I appreciate him investing his time and energy into me. We've had rough spots but I wouldn't trade any of our experiences for anything. From choir tour to college ministry to praise team to sitting up 'til all hours of the night laughing and cutting up...I truly admire and respect him.
So this conversation Sunday involved a broad range of topics-Cleveland, mutual friends, family, the TX women's conference, our church, and a lot of other things I'm sure I've forgotten. But the most important discussion we had was regarding me-of all things. I didn't anticipate it at all but I decided to confront him about something he had told me weeks earlier. He had hinted to me that he had something he wanted me to be praying about and that he would tell me "later". I thought he meant later that week but after his family going on Spring Break and me being gone for Easter, weeks have now gone by. I have thought about it but part of me has been to scared to ask. But I finally did and am so glad that we've talked it through. And although I can't share publicly what he has asked, I will say that I know that it is an answer to prayer.
For the past few months, I've been earnestly praying and seeking God for my niche and how I can best serve my church. Most of you who read this know I have felt called to the ministry ever since I was an young teenager. It started out in missions (which I do still feel a passion for but in a different arena-but that's for another post) and has since spread to women/girls and youth. I really just love people and want to do whatever I can to advance the Kingdom. I have been in such turmoil about how to use my talents and abilities and have longed for God to present opportunities for me to serve. Next to music (specifically praise and worship), the local church is my biggest passion and I have always been blessed to have the chance to serve at each church I've attended whether it be through singing, teaching, organizing, planning, or just general assistance. And I've loved every minute of it. I've just been waiting for that opportunity here at Canaanland. Now that it's here, I'm literally gleeful at all the possibilities and the ways our church will be enhanced. It excites me to know that I'll get to play a part in this new phase of our church's life. Things have been on an upswing for us lately and with our upcoming revival, I truly feel that we are going to experience a spiritual shift and see God take us to a deeper level. I feel like ever since my conversation with Pastor Sunday, I've already started the plunge and I know He has prepared me for such a time as this.
Ok, I know this doesn't make sense to many of you but I promise to post as soon as everything goes public. I am amazed at the undeserved blessings God is giving me! He is faithful and good and I pray His love shines down on each of you today!
In Him,
~BB
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. ~Psalm 73:26
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Friday, April 18, 2008
Tying Up Loose Ends
My first order of business in my new era of blogging, is to complete the 5 drafts of entries I have saved in my account. So here's the first...
When I began this blog, I did not give very in depth personal information but in order to understand this entry, you'll need to know about my job. Prior to coming to TX in September, I had been faxing, e-mailing, and snail mailing my resume/transcripts in preparation for the move. I was unaware of some of the businesses I was applying with because of the anonymity of their classified ads. Upon arriving the stepfather of my boyfriend at the time had orchestrated an interview in the first week I was here but I wasn't interested in the high stress environment that came with the job. The second week of my stay I received a phone call from the office manager of an insurance agency that I had unknowingly applied to wanting me to come in for an interview to which I willingly obliged. This opportunity scared me somewhat because I do not possess the ability to be a salesperson and I knew walking into the interview that insurance sales was not for me. Thankfully, the position I had applied for was simply clerical and I would only be working with processing commercial policy renewals and submitting rating for personal policies. I took the position and have been here ever since. The office consists of 4 producers (the top dogs who act as sales people), 3 personal lines CSRs, 2 commercial lines CSRs, 1 receptionist/bookkeeper, 1 full-time bookkeeper, 1 billing specialist, and me. Out of the 13 people employed at this local, family-owned agency, 10 of us are women.
My past employment, since I've been out of school, has always consisted of mostly men. When I worked at Lee University (the college I graduated from), I was the department secretary for a group of 8 men and 3 women. I loved it! The environment was relaxed and entertaining at the very least and that has been my favorite job by far (for many other reasons as well). At the construction/real estate company, there were 6 men and 3 women. While this one wasn't the most fun, the men and I loved to joke and patronize each other (in only the best ways) although the women also found me to be a confidant and friend. Thanks to these periods of employment, I have adjusted well to working with men. My sense of humor seems to be one they can relate to and I also am interested (however not completely knowledgeable) in popular conversation topics-sports and politics.
This pattern has been consistent since high school during which time I had mostly male friends (thanks to my little brother) and then carried on into college where my closest friends were males (with the occasional female thrown into the mix). Now, I'm not sure what this says about me. I don't flirt incessantly or constantly beg for attention. I tend to think that since I grew up with 2 brothers, I have a better understanding of men and their behaviors. ***Notice I did NOT say that I understand men and their behaviors, I simply have a better understanding.*** I also read any material I come across that better explains males and spend countless hours analyzing them. At best, I've reached Level 1 of the approximately 5,673,498 levels that men possess.
Needless to say, this new work environment has left me yearning for past days when work was direct, straightforward and honest. This new world of women I find myself in has been catty, manipulative and anything but honest. I consider myself to be, for the most part, a direct and morally upstanding person. I have especially tried to be such with this employer as 11 of the other 12 employees do not have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior (as I have observed over the past 7 months). The circumstances surrounding the initial draft of this entry were very tense causing me to feel much turmoil at the time. A second situation arose 2 weeks ago again leading to much turmoil and I must say, I am ready for the office drama to end. I am learning that it is best for me to stay in my corner of the office and do my best to avoid the drama-or at least come to me if it's going to come-instead of me getting involved. To be such a small office, I've observed quite a bit of office politics which is strange to me. We aren't an insurance chain so politicking isn't going to allow for any advancement. We aren't expanding so there again, no possibility for promotion. At best, a pay raise or heavier work load would be the method of payment for any personal reward.
Ah, the joys of working with women. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we allow such juvenile behavior among ourselves? What satisfaction is there in ripping each other apart behind closed doors giving the person being "ripped" no opportunity to defend themselves? The most any person could be in this situation is a coward-too fearful of speaking directly to the object of concern to do so. So instead of confronting the issues and resolving matters in the least amount of time with the least pain inflicted, we drag out the drama and, sometimes proudly, wave it around like a war wound. If we feel justified, we are sure to let everyone else know the "true" character of the other party. And by "venting" our anger and frustration, we tend to involve innocent bystanders, though we may call them friends, who have absolutely nothing to do with the situation but still get caught up in the chaos we create. So at the end of the day, something as simple as someone not speaking to us has escalated into an entire office soap opera involving everyone and their mother's cousin's ex-wife's husband's twice-removed step-aunt causing tension among not only those involved but those who aren't directly involved. And all we have to show for it is an office full of people who are confused about the situation walking around on eggshells as they spread the latest developments.
But the really depressing thought about all of this is that it doesn't stop with "worldy", "secular" women. Church women are just as guilty. I myself have fallen victim to my wrath or envy and said very hurtful words about women I worship with from week to week. Too often, I allow the enemy to convince me that belittling others is the only way for me achieve success and prosperity. Now there is a lot wrong with that statement. First of all, my success and prosperity matter nothing if I am not making a difference in the world for Jesus' sake. Secondly, the only way I achieve anything is through the grace and power of the Holy Spirit in me. And when I take it upon myself to tell others everything that is wrong with them or anyone else, I step out of the will of God and release His hand of protection from my life. Now I don't know about you but I don't consider trash talking about anyone or any subject worth me sacrificing the hand of God on my life. There is no justifiable reason for me to utter a single word and allow the devil to gain any ground in my life.
Ok, let me set something straight-I have not conquered this vice. Unfortunately, my need to save the world often warrants me to sometimes feel that I have a right to share my plan of renovation with the world. (As if anyone is going to listen...) And so, in the heat of the moment with my emotions running full-throttle, I unleash my tongue and have a critique-fest. Though these fests don't usually involve anyone outside of my close circle of friends, my point is that they should not even occur.
I was created to uplift and encourage. Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." My words are important because "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaketh." (Matthew 12:34) So whatever proceeds from my lips, has already passed through my heart. That's a scary thought. The other Scripture that puts this into perspective is Proverbs 18:21, " The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." I, me, myself, Bethany, have the power to speak words of life and positivity but yet many times I choose the opposite and speak negativity and kill with my tongue. James also says so much about taming the tongue which he calls a fire. The application I gather from him is this: How I can expect a perfect, holy and good God to bless me when one minute I am singing His praises and worshiping Him for His awesome acts of power and love and the next I am tearing someone's character to shreds and speaking ill of His creation?
I explained it to my 12-14 year olds that I teach in Sunday School this way (as I have preached for many years)- When we criticize others, especially the way they look, talk or dress, we are criticizing God Himself. In Genesis 1:27 the Bible says that God created male and female in His image. As a result, not only should we be a reflection of Him but others are a reflection of Him. I know this doesn't not mean that all people act like God but I'm not responsible for every one else. (Oh my goodness, I sound like my mother.) During my time on this earth, I am solely responsible for my words and deeds and I should do my best to fashion myself after my heavenly Father and His Son, who are both perfect. So until I reach that goal (ummm...never!) I have no room to criticize others.
Wow, this post took a completely different and unexpected direction than I first intended. But I've said a lot here that I've wanted to say for a long time. I confess that I'm not perfect and I will never even try to convey that I am but I vow to do a better job of reining in my tongue. And I will consciously make an effort to pray for people that I would rather vent about. And I will not put my friends in the awkward position of having to listen to my grumblings and then react they way I feel they should. Instead, I will do my best to take my concerns to the only person who can truly help-my Jesus.
Be encouraged!
Blessings,
~BB
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. ~Psalm 73:26
When I began this blog, I did not give very in depth personal information but in order to understand this entry, you'll need to know about my job. Prior to coming to TX in September, I had been faxing, e-mailing, and snail mailing my resume/transcripts in preparation for the move. I was unaware of some of the businesses I was applying with because of the anonymity of their classified ads. Upon arriving the stepfather of my boyfriend at the time had orchestrated an interview in the first week I was here but I wasn't interested in the high stress environment that came with the job. The second week of my stay I received a phone call from the office manager of an insurance agency that I had unknowingly applied to wanting me to come in for an interview to which I willingly obliged. This opportunity scared me somewhat because I do not possess the ability to be a salesperson and I knew walking into the interview that insurance sales was not for me. Thankfully, the position I had applied for was simply clerical and I would only be working with processing commercial policy renewals and submitting rating for personal policies. I took the position and have been here ever since. The office consists of 4 producers (the top dogs who act as sales people), 3 personal lines CSRs, 2 commercial lines CSRs, 1 receptionist/bookkeeper, 1 full-time bookkeeper, 1 billing specialist, and me. Out of the 13 people employed at this local, family-owned agency, 10 of us are women.
My past employment, since I've been out of school, has always consisted of mostly men. When I worked at Lee University (the college I graduated from), I was the department secretary for a group of 8 men and 3 women. I loved it! The environment was relaxed and entertaining at the very least and that has been my favorite job by far (for many other reasons as well). At the construction/real estate company, there were 6 men and 3 women. While this one wasn't the most fun, the men and I loved to joke and patronize each other (in only the best ways) although the women also found me to be a confidant and friend. Thanks to these periods of employment, I have adjusted well to working with men. My sense of humor seems to be one they can relate to and I also am interested (however not completely knowledgeable) in popular conversation topics-sports and politics.
This pattern has been consistent since high school during which time I had mostly male friends (thanks to my little brother) and then carried on into college where my closest friends were males (with the occasional female thrown into the mix). Now, I'm not sure what this says about me. I don't flirt incessantly or constantly beg for attention. I tend to think that since I grew up with 2 brothers, I have a better understanding of men and their behaviors. ***Notice I did NOT say that I understand men and their behaviors, I simply have a better understanding.*** I also read any material I come across that better explains males and spend countless hours analyzing them. At best, I've reached Level 1 of the approximately 5,673,498 levels that men possess.
Needless to say, this new work environment has left me yearning for past days when work was direct, straightforward and honest. This new world of women I find myself in has been catty, manipulative and anything but honest. I consider myself to be, for the most part, a direct and morally upstanding person. I have especially tried to be such with this employer as 11 of the other 12 employees do not have a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ as Savior (as I have observed over the past 7 months). The circumstances surrounding the initial draft of this entry were very tense causing me to feel much turmoil at the time. A second situation arose 2 weeks ago again leading to much turmoil and I must say, I am ready for the office drama to end. I am learning that it is best for me to stay in my corner of the office and do my best to avoid the drama-or at least come to me if it's going to come-instead of me getting involved. To be such a small office, I've observed quite a bit of office politics which is strange to me. We aren't an insurance chain so politicking isn't going to allow for any advancement. We aren't expanding so there again, no possibility for promotion. At best, a pay raise or heavier work load would be the method of payment for any personal reward.
Ah, the joys of working with women. Why do we do this to each other? Why do we allow such juvenile behavior among ourselves? What satisfaction is there in ripping each other apart behind closed doors giving the person being "ripped" no opportunity to defend themselves? The most any person could be in this situation is a coward-too fearful of speaking directly to the object of concern to do so. So instead of confronting the issues and resolving matters in the least amount of time with the least pain inflicted, we drag out the drama and, sometimes proudly, wave it around like a war wound. If we feel justified, we are sure to let everyone else know the "true" character of the other party. And by "venting" our anger and frustration, we tend to involve innocent bystanders, though we may call them friends, who have absolutely nothing to do with the situation but still get caught up in the chaos we create. So at the end of the day, something as simple as someone not speaking to us has escalated into an entire office soap opera involving everyone and their mother's cousin's ex-wife's husband's twice-removed step-aunt causing tension among not only those involved but those who aren't directly involved. And all we have to show for it is an office full of people who are confused about the situation walking around on eggshells as they spread the latest developments.
But the really depressing thought about all of this is that it doesn't stop with "worldy", "secular" women. Church women are just as guilty. I myself have fallen victim to my wrath or envy and said very hurtful words about women I worship with from week to week. Too often, I allow the enemy to convince me that belittling others is the only way for me achieve success and prosperity. Now there is a lot wrong with that statement. First of all, my success and prosperity matter nothing if I am not making a difference in the world for Jesus' sake. Secondly, the only way I achieve anything is through the grace and power of the Holy Spirit in me. And when I take it upon myself to tell others everything that is wrong with them or anyone else, I step out of the will of God and release His hand of protection from my life. Now I don't know about you but I don't consider trash talking about anyone or any subject worth me sacrificing the hand of God on my life. There is no justifiable reason for me to utter a single word and allow the devil to gain any ground in my life.
Ok, let me set something straight-I have not conquered this vice. Unfortunately, my need to save the world often warrants me to sometimes feel that I have a right to share my plan of renovation with the world. (As if anyone is going to listen...) And so, in the heat of the moment with my emotions running full-throttle, I unleash my tongue and have a critique-fest. Though these fests don't usually involve anyone outside of my close circle of friends, my point is that they should not even occur.
I was created to uplift and encourage. Ephesians 4:29 says "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." My words are important because "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaketh." (Matthew 12:34) So whatever proceeds from my lips, has already passed through my heart. That's a scary thought. The other Scripture that puts this into perspective is Proverbs 18:21, " The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit." I, me, myself, Bethany, have the power to speak words of life and positivity but yet many times I choose the opposite and speak negativity and kill with my tongue. James also says so much about taming the tongue which he calls a fire. The application I gather from him is this: How I can expect a perfect, holy and good God to bless me when one minute I am singing His praises and worshiping Him for His awesome acts of power and love and the next I am tearing someone's character to shreds and speaking ill of His creation?
I explained it to my 12-14 year olds that I teach in Sunday School this way (as I have preached for many years)- When we criticize others, especially the way they look, talk or dress, we are criticizing God Himself. In Genesis 1:27 the Bible says that God created male and female in His image. As a result, not only should we be a reflection of Him but others are a reflection of Him. I know this doesn't not mean that all people act like God but I'm not responsible for every one else. (Oh my goodness, I sound like my mother.) During my time on this earth, I am solely responsible for my words and deeds and I should do my best to fashion myself after my heavenly Father and His Son, who are both perfect. So until I reach that goal (ummm...never!) I have no room to criticize others.
Wow, this post took a completely different and unexpected direction than I first intended. But I've said a lot here that I've wanted to say for a long time. I confess that I'm not perfect and I will never even try to convey that I am but I vow to do a better job of reining in my tongue. And I will consciously make an effort to pray for people that I would rather vent about. And I will not put my friends in the awkward position of having to listen to my grumblings and then react they way I feel they should. Instead, I will do my best to take my concerns to the only person who can truly help-my Jesus.
Be encouraged!
Blessings,
~BB
My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. ~Psalm 73:26
The Long-Awaited Return
Ok, so maybe nobody's really been awaiting my return but I have. Not to sound conceited but I love writing and I usually love what I write...which is the problem. Over a month ago, my good friend Dustie pin-pointed the exact reason that I don't write more here-because I want what I write to be perfect and eloquent and ground breaking. But the truth is that it takes a lot of work to write a passage and then edit it into something that it is perfect, eloquent and ground breaking.
So for this reason I'm starting fresh. I just want to write-to let my mind speak, to let my dreams flow, to let my fears be spoken, to let my emotions be given words. For me, writing is not simply an act of putting words to paper and pen (or keyboard and monitor, in my case) but it is more of a birthing process-of allowing the sparks of my thoughts to develop and cultivate until they become a full-grown monologue of my innermost reflections and perceptions. Even now, as I make this resolution to simply write, without the drive to achieve (in my mind) perfection, I find myself conjuring up synonyms and metaphors in an attempt to better articulate this mind that is mine. But I release myself from doing so, from submitting myself to such pressure to perform.
So world, here I am. Let me bask and frolic in these thoughts that are mine, uniquely mine, unparalleled to anyone else's. Using what limited vocabulary I have, I vow to express myself unreservedly and unashamedly. I have a voice that deserves to be heard-no matter how perfect, how eloquent, or how ground breaking. So for those of you that do take the time to read my postings (and I know you are few), be sure to stay updated. This is just the beginning of a long and verbose (as my dear mother calls me) journey!
Blessings to you all!
~BB
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
So for this reason I'm starting fresh. I just want to write-to let my mind speak, to let my dreams flow, to let my fears be spoken, to let my emotions be given words. For me, writing is not simply an act of putting words to paper and pen (or keyboard and monitor, in my case) but it is more of a birthing process-of allowing the sparks of my thoughts to develop and cultivate until they become a full-grown monologue of my innermost reflections and perceptions. Even now, as I make this resolution to simply write, without the drive to achieve (in my mind) perfection, I find myself conjuring up synonyms and metaphors in an attempt to better articulate this mind that is mine. But I release myself from doing so, from submitting myself to such pressure to perform.
So world, here I am. Let me bask and frolic in these thoughts that are mine, uniquely mine, unparalleled to anyone else's. Using what limited vocabulary I have, I vow to express myself unreservedly and unashamedly. I have a voice that deserves to be heard-no matter how perfect, how eloquent, or how ground breaking. So for those of you that do take the time to read my postings (and I know you are few), be sure to stay updated. This is just the beginning of a long and verbose (as my dear mother calls me) journey!
Blessings to you all!
~BB
Psalm 73:26 "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Are you finished yet???
Yes, it's taken me over a week to post again (regardless of the time/date stamp on this one-I've been writing since then). But here's another semi-revelation from yours truly :)
This one's based on a very common, seemingly insignificant occurrence but I hope your heart will see the valuable lesson to be learned and perhaps change your thought process as it has mine.
Every day on my way to work, I pass First Christian Church of Paris that appears to be somewhat prominent in the community and seems to have been established for quite a while. Back before Christmas, this church decided that it was time to update their church sign, which at the time was two simple metal poles sticking out of the ground with the metal sign hanging between them. The day this project began, I saw 2 men-1 obviously the contractor hired to do the job and the other the pastor perhaps-on the site with a truckload of cement blocks/bricks and the tools necessary for mortar and bricklaying. "Oh good", I thought, "This shouldn't take long-maybe a couple of days. Just long enough to build a small, yet stately sign to improve the overall aesthetics of the church." On my way home that day I checked the location to see the base for the sign looking complete and ready for the sides and later the top. So I assumed it would be finished the next day or day after that at the latest. Shortly after 5pm on day 2 I drove by to see that a few more steps had been taken but with no end in sight. And again on day 3, there was still no sign of being near the end. After a week and a half of driving by and checking progress each time, I gave up hope that this seemingly small project would be finished anytime soon as each day I didn't see any more evidence that more work had been done.
These observations have been ongoing for the past six weeks or so and a couple of weeks ago I saw why the contractor had been taking so much longer than I thought he needed. It was at this point that I saw not only the center brick structure for the sign but the contractor had also built two square columns on either side of that stand that added even more prominence to the sign. I'm sure the pastor of the church or whomever was placed over this project had instructed the worker to build those columns, they were just unexpected from an observer's point of view. And just this week, work has been completed. The simple, old sign still stands in close proximity to the new, stately one that matches the brick of the church but it almost fades in view of the recent addition.
Why is this such a significant chain of events? I do have a point-as usual. You see, as I continued to observe the careful actions taken by the contractor during this process, I noticed that not only did he do a beautiful job on the construction and completion of the sign, he also paid close attention to detail. He placed the bricks perfectly and also gave the mortar ample time to dry. This whole ordeal may seem insignificant to our "Name It & Claim It", "Blab It & Grab It" society but I'd like to share with you the spiritual implications that I noticed as I took the time to ponder the process.
In my spiritual mind, the contractor is played by the Holy Spirit, me and my life are represented by the bricks and mortar and the pastor (or whomever initiated the project) is God. In His almighty omniscience, God has a vision and plan for what my life will look like and who I will become over time. He uses His presence here on earth, the Holy Spirit, to lead and guide me as I journey through life making decisions and building myself and my past into the creation He intended. He can take a seemingly ugly pile of dirt and grass (me), combine it with the bricks and mortar of my life and create something beautiful that will stand firm and stately, declaring His glory. Ok, that part may not be too much of a stretch of the imagination. But I also noticed as this project developed, that so often we think we have finally figured God out-that we know our purpose in life and He must be finished with us. And just like I thought that the sign should have been completed after just the simple center stand was done, sometimes we humans get impatient and feel that God must be finished teaching us a lesson or that our destination has been reached. But in all actuality, God has something far more beautiful in mind for us. And He works through the Holy Spirit, just like that contractor did, to add even more beauty to an already beautiful person. Though He works continuously, there are times when He seems silent and we feel alone. But I'm learning that those moments should be relished because it is in those times that He allows the lessons we are learning to sink in and "dry" like the mortar. Even in my own life, I am amazed at the situations and things that I think are just right until God takes His master hands and perfects them into more beautifully perfect creations. And while this process is sometimes painful and hard to endure, the finished product is far beyond worth the pain and hurt and I am so thankful that God loves me enough to continue to cleanse, prune and improve me. None of us, especially me, is worthy of such goodness and faithfulness but in His vast wisdom and unending love, our God sees the desires of our hearts as we submit ourselves to Him. And He leads us along the path of His perfect will as we allow Him to be the Lord of the dance of our lives.
So be encouraged-just when you think all is said and done.....it's not. Be patient with others-you never know where they are in the process. He's still working on them just as He is you. And be open to the Master's hands-there's something more beautiful in the making and personally, I can't wait to see what it is!
Blessings,
Bethany
Ecclesiastes 3:11
This one's based on a very common, seemingly insignificant occurrence but I hope your heart will see the valuable lesson to be learned and perhaps change your thought process as it has mine.
Every day on my way to work, I pass First Christian Church of Paris that appears to be somewhat prominent in the community and seems to have been established for quite a while. Back before Christmas, this church decided that it was time to update their church sign, which at the time was two simple metal poles sticking out of the ground with the metal sign hanging between them. The day this project began, I saw 2 men-1 obviously the contractor hired to do the job and the other the pastor perhaps-on the site with a truckload of cement blocks/bricks and the tools necessary for mortar and bricklaying. "Oh good", I thought, "This shouldn't take long-maybe a couple of days. Just long enough to build a small, yet stately sign to improve the overall aesthetics of the church." On my way home that day I checked the location to see the base for the sign looking complete and ready for the sides and later the top. So I assumed it would be finished the next day or day after that at the latest. Shortly after 5pm on day 2 I drove by to see that a few more steps had been taken but with no end in sight. And again on day 3, there was still no sign of being near the end. After a week and a half of driving by and checking progress each time, I gave up hope that this seemingly small project would be finished anytime soon as each day I didn't see any more evidence that more work had been done.
These observations have been ongoing for the past six weeks or so and a couple of weeks ago I saw why the contractor had been taking so much longer than I thought he needed. It was at this point that I saw not only the center brick structure for the sign but the contractor had also built two square columns on either side of that stand that added even more prominence to the sign. I'm sure the pastor of the church or whomever was placed over this project had instructed the worker to build those columns, they were just unexpected from an observer's point of view. And just this week, work has been completed. The simple, old sign still stands in close proximity to the new, stately one that matches the brick of the church but it almost fades in view of the recent addition.
Why is this such a significant chain of events? I do have a point-as usual. You see, as I continued to observe the careful actions taken by the contractor during this process, I noticed that not only did he do a beautiful job on the construction and completion of the sign, he also paid close attention to detail. He placed the bricks perfectly and also gave the mortar ample time to dry. This whole ordeal may seem insignificant to our "Name It & Claim It", "Blab It & Grab It" society but I'd like to share with you the spiritual implications that I noticed as I took the time to ponder the process.
In my spiritual mind, the contractor is played by the Holy Spirit, me and my life are represented by the bricks and mortar and the pastor (or whomever initiated the project) is God. In His almighty omniscience, God has a vision and plan for what my life will look like and who I will become over time. He uses His presence here on earth, the Holy Spirit, to lead and guide me as I journey through life making decisions and building myself and my past into the creation He intended. He can take a seemingly ugly pile of dirt and grass (me), combine it with the bricks and mortar of my life and create something beautiful that will stand firm and stately, declaring His glory. Ok, that part may not be too much of a stretch of the imagination. But I also noticed as this project developed, that so often we think we have finally figured God out-that we know our purpose in life and He must be finished with us. And just like I thought that the sign should have been completed after just the simple center stand was done, sometimes we humans get impatient and feel that God must be finished teaching us a lesson or that our destination has been reached. But in all actuality, God has something far more beautiful in mind for us. And He works through the Holy Spirit, just like that contractor did, to add even more beauty to an already beautiful person. Though He works continuously, there are times when He seems silent and we feel alone. But I'm learning that those moments should be relished because it is in those times that He allows the lessons we are learning to sink in and "dry" like the mortar. Even in my own life, I am amazed at the situations and things that I think are just right until God takes His master hands and perfects them into more beautifully perfect creations. And while this process is sometimes painful and hard to endure, the finished product is far beyond worth the pain and hurt and I am so thankful that God loves me enough to continue to cleanse, prune and improve me. None of us, especially me, is worthy of such goodness and faithfulness but in His vast wisdom and unending love, our God sees the desires of our hearts as we submit ourselves to Him. And He leads us along the path of His perfect will as we allow Him to be the Lord of the dance of our lives.
So be encouraged-just when you think all is said and done.....it's not. Be patient with others-you never know where they are in the process. He's still working on them just as He is you. And be open to the Master's hands-there's something more beautiful in the making and personally, I can't wait to see what it is!
Blessings,
Bethany
Ecclesiastes 3:11
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Don't Get A Clue
After a brief hiatus, I'm back!
For some reason, this blank screen intimidates me. I love to write but I want so badly for what I say to be relevant, to have some meaning to someone. The thought of sharing my innermost thoughts or "baring my soul to the world" (as my mom termed it) is a bit scary. But I know that God is continually working on me and giving me new insights on my life, my relationships, Him and I'm excited to share.
For some reason, this blank screen intimidates me. I love to write but I want so badly for what I say to be relevant, to have some meaning to someone. The thought of sharing my innermost thoughts or "baring my soul to the world" (as my mom termed it) is a bit scary. But I know that God is continually working on me and giving me new insights on my life, my relationships, Him and I'm excited to share.
So I use a lot of media examples in my blog and tonight is no different. ER (one of my faves) is about to go off and there was just a scene in which Dr. Pratt is consoling a former doctor who used to inject the medicines involved with lethal injection. After an intense fight with the hospital chaplain, the doctor is uncontrollably angry because of the past 'murders' he has committed and all he can say is "It doesn't make sense". Pratt responds, "It doesn't have to make sense-that's why it's called faith".
My first thought after Pratt spoke those words was "WOW-what a profound statement!" Yes, it's a statement that I've heard over and over during the course of my life but I never thought of the impact a lack of faith has on an unbeliever in this way. This man is hurting, deeply and he has nowhere to turn. We as Christians, though we may not always believe it 100%, have placed our faith in God and somehow have a peace in knowing that all things are working together for our good according to Romans 8:28. We believe that our lives have purpose and that God created us as part of the grand scheme of His plan. We believe that we are perfectly formed and that our lives matter. We believe that though we are here on earth now, we are simply strangers to this world awaiting a greater day when we will live eternally with Jesus in heaven, a place with no sorrow, no sickness, and no death. For these reasons, we have hope. Hope that God can use us no matter how many times we mess up. Hope that life does get better than what we're experiencing now. Hope that our faith and the actions spurned from it will mean reward for us later.
So now that we know what believers put their faith in, what exactly do unbelievers have to hope for? Many chase after success that will vanish within a few years when they die. Some chase after love that will only leave them broken and empty when it's over. There are some who run towards financial prosperity which can't buy joy and others who are looking for acceptance from a cold, harsh world. And none of these desires will ever be realized until they find the One who placed those voids in them. Only God can raise us up to be leaders in a world where the devil has so much control. Only He can fill that God-shaped void in our hearts that longs to be filled so that we can love others. Only He can provide for us even when all we see is a negative bank account. And only He will love, forgive and accept us just as we are and then mold us into the creation we are intended to be.
Life without God doesn't make sense. We can spend our whole lives running from place to place searching for all the things our flesh desires. And at the end of the day, all we have is what we were able to accomplish in our own strength. But God in His infinite power is able to do so much more. Living that pointless life can be tiring, stressful, and hopeless. And as a friend recently said, "If we (Christians) don't have hope, we're no different from the world". Thankfully, we can have the hope that Christ in us can fulfill all the longings of our heart. The world has no such hope, they are without hope, hopeless. And what a disappointing and depressing way to live-to walk aimlessly, with no purpose. I just don't see myself being very successful at such a life, which is perhaps why God allowed me to be raised in the faith.
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I wrote the above on the date this says it was posted. However, it's January 22 today and I've had some new revelations concerning the above topic. As I was driving to and from my Grandmother's this weekend, I had some serious Jesus time. Spiritually, things have been on the up & up for me lately but there were some corners covered with cobwebs that I really needed to clean out. And since I've been fasting playing any music in my car, those 5 hours were a perfect time to come clean with Jesus-which is exactly what I did. I just laid it all out there-all of my desires, my mistakes, my struggles. I left no stone unturned and when I got home, I felt like a gigantic weight that I'd been carrying for a looong time had been lifted. It's amazing to me how time spent with the Almighty will do that. Anyway, during that time I sang, talked, prayed and just had intimate fellowship with my Creator. And I declared that even though much of my life didn't make sense, I would continue to cling to my faith.
Sunday morning came too early but I felt ready for church and set my sights on truly experiencing God and loving those in my church. The message my pastor delivered about the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life was phenomenal. It completely reiterated everything I had felt the night before and I felt assurance in such confirmation. I spent Sunday afternoon at lunch with my adopted families here and then working out with one of the girls' in our youth group. It was a welcome change from my usual Sunday afternoon tv/nap session and I was excited to see Sunday night's service come. I spent time in prayer before service and really felt God's power during praise & worship. All I could think was, "Wow, God! It doesn't get any better than this!". And then it did. As our pastor delivered another powerful & truly relevant message regarding Killing Our Kids' Kings (protecting our children/youth & teaching them how to protect themselves from the enemy as they grow), I contemplated the state of my life.
Now any of you who have known me for any length of time known that I like, no have, to have things planned out. I can be spontaneous but for the most part, I love to organize and plan my life or anyone's who will let me. So as I pondered my current state of affairs and how I came from the grand and glorious foothills and mountains of North Carolina and Tennessee to relocate myself to this little, country cowboy-land, I realized that not many of the significant changes in my life has made sense. To leave the safe haven of the Southern Baptist church that I was raised in and go to a tiny pentecostal, charismatic Church of God that I knew nothing about... To leave the prominent, ivy league school close to home where I started my studies and go to a Church of God school that I visited once and was 6 hours from home... To leave a great job and a comfortable home in a growing city and move to a tiny, cowboy/redneck town... I don't get it. And that's when God spoke to me-sitting on the front row of the far right side of our sanctuary- If our lives and all the events in them made sense to us, where would God fit? If we understood everything, why should we have faith? Seriously, think about it: If all the experiences in my life made sense to me (being the analyst that I am), I could claim that I worked my life out in my own power. I could say that I accomplished great things and that I did all of these grand things during my time on earth. But since it'd doesn't and we can't (make sense and understand), I have to give all glory to God when the pieces start to fit together. He alone causes all of the unrelated situations that are a part of my journey to be pieced together into the tapestry that is my life. Now forgive me for "stealing" this thought if you've heard it before-I hadn't so I'm claiming it as my own for now. And for now, this is one of the GREATEST revelations that I've had in quite a while. You see, this realization allows me the freedom and peace to let go of trying to make sense out of everything. I can stop attempting to answer the questions I have about my purpose and my life and I can quit using my finite little brain to advance my futile attempts to comprehend the vast God I serve. I don't have to have all the answers! All I have to do is trust Him and know that in the end, it will all come together and not one tiny, seemingly insignificant piece will be missing.
So today, I rest with peace of mind knowing that it's ok for me to not have a clue...God's got it under control!
So now that we know what believers put their faith in, what exactly do unbelievers have to hope for? Many chase after success that will vanish within a few years when they die. Some chase after love that will only leave them broken and empty when it's over. There are some who run towards financial prosperity which can't buy joy and others who are looking for acceptance from a cold, harsh world. And none of these desires will ever be realized until they find the One who placed those voids in them. Only God can raise us up to be leaders in a world where the devil has so much control. Only He can fill that God-shaped void in our hearts that longs to be filled so that we can love others. Only He can provide for us even when all we see is a negative bank account. And only He will love, forgive and accept us just as we are and then mold us into the creation we are intended to be.
Life without God doesn't make sense. We can spend our whole lives running from place to place searching for all the things our flesh desires. And at the end of the day, all we have is what we were able to accomplish in our own strength. But God in His infinite power is able to do so much more. Living that pointless life can be tiring, stressful, and hopeless. And as a friend recently said, "If we (Christians) don't have hope, we're no different from the world". Thankfully, we can have the hope that Christ in us can fulfill all the longings of our heart. The world has no such hope, they are without hope, hopeless. And what a disappointing and depressing way to live-to walk aimlessly, with no purpose. I just don't see myself being very successful at such a life, which is perhaps why God allowed me to be raised in the faith.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wrote the above on the date this says it was posted. However, it's January 22 today and I've had some new revelations concerning the above topic. As I was driving to and from my Grandmother's this weekend, I had some serious Jesus time. Spiritually, things have been on the up & up for me lately but there were some corners covered with cobwebs that I really needed to clean out. And since I've been fasting playing any music in my car, those 5 hours were a perfect time to come clean with Jesus-which is exactly what I did. I just laid it all out there-all of my desires, my mistakes, my struggles. I left no stone unturned and when I got home, I felt like a gigantic weight that I'd been carrying for a looong time had been lifted. It's amazing to me how time spent with the Almighty will do that. Anyway, during that time I sang, talked, prayed and just had intimate fellowship with my Creator. And I declared that even though much of my life didn't make sense, I would continue to cling to my faith.
Sunday morning came too early but I felt ready for church and set my sights on truly experiencing God and loving those in my church. The message my pastor delivered about the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life was phenomenal. It completely reiterated everything I had felt the night before and I felt assurance in such confirmation. I spent Sunday afternoon at lunch with my adopted families here and then working out with one of the girls' in our youth group. It was a welcome change from my usual Sunday afternoon tv/nap session and I was excited to see Sunday night's service come. I spent time in prayer before service and really felt God's power during praise & worship. All I could think was, "Wow, God! It doesn't get any better than this!". And then it did. As our pastor delivered another powerful & truly relevant message regarding Killing Our Kids' Kings (protecting our children/youth & teaching them how to protect themselves from the enemy as they grow), I contemplated the state of my life.
Now any of you who have known me for any length of time known that I like, no have, to have things planned out. I can be spontaneous but for the most part, I love to organize and plan my life or anyone's who will let me. So as I pondered my current state of affairs and how I came from the grand and glorious foothills and mountains of North Carolina and Tennessee to relocate myself to this little, country cowboy-land, I realized that not many of the significant changes in my life has made sense. To leave the safe haven of the Southern Baptist church that I was raised in and go to a tiny pentecostal, charismatic Church of God that I knew nothing about... To leave the prominent, ivy league school close to home where I started my studies and go to a Church of God school that I visited once and was 6 hours from home... To leave a great job and a comfortable home in a growing city and move to a tiny, cowboy/redneck town... I don't get it. And that's when God spoke to me-sitting on the front row of the far right side of our sanctuary- If our lives and all the events in them made sense to us, where would God fit? If we understood everything, why should we have faith? Seriously, think about it: If all the experiences in my life made sense to me (being the analyst that I am), I could claim that I worked my life out in my own power. I could say that I accomplished great things and that I did all of these grand things during my time on earth. But since it'd doesn't and we can't (make sense and understand), I have to give all glory to God when the pieces start to fit together. He alone causes all of the unrelated situations that are a part of my journey to be pieced together into the tapestry that is my life. Now forgive me for "stealing" this thought if you've heard it before-I hadn't so I'm claiming it as my own for now. And for now, this is one of the GREATEST revelations that I've had in quite a while. You see, this realization allows me the freedom and peace to let go of trying to make sense out of everything. I can stop attempting to answer the questions I have about my purpose and my life and I can quit using my finite little brain to advance my futile attempts to comprehend the vast God I serve. I don't have to have all the answers! All I have to do is trust Him and know that in the end, it will all come together and not one tiny, seemingly insignificant piece will be missing.
So today, I rest with peace of mind knowing that it's ok for me to not have a clue...God's got it under control!
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