My 1st Public NSV

Blog-lovelies, boy do I have some news for you!

Ok, many of you know healthy life-minded people know what an NSV (Non-Scale Victory) is but for those who don't, the way I define it is an exciting event that occurs on the journey that is healthiness related but is not in any way connected to the numbers on the scale. These events can be anything from sitting in a regular booth at a restaurant without feeling like your breath is being squeezed out of you to fitting into those a size of clothing that you haven't seen since middle school (or in my case, maybe elementary school).

Today, I had one of those experiences. Back in June on Father's Day weekend, Z & I went to Dallas to celebrate the holiday with his parents. We went to lunch and then stopped at a mall to check out a couple of things before heading back to their house. While we were at the mall, Z & I both found great deals on some clothes. At that time, I was all gung-ho on the weight loss train (still am, just the initial momentum has dwindled a bit) and I decided to do something daring. I found a pair of black leggings for $6 and had been wanting to try leggings for quite a while. I love the trendy look they give but also love that they are a modest option. Those leggings hung in my closet for weeks and I would see them every day and think about how great it would feel to wear them. Not only was my body image a bit too low to wear them with the confidence you need to pull off leggings, I also had no shirt that was quite right to wear with them except for a $7 one I had bought at the same time. When I tried that shirt on, it was a bit tight and not nearly comfortable enough for day-to-day wear.

So today as I stood in my closet trying to find the perfect outfit without wearing my 1 pair of summer pants I love or wearing shorts that I don't feel so good in. After going through multiple outfits, I finally decided to just try the leggings and shirt. To my amazement, they fit. And I looked pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. What do you think?

While this may not be my 1st official NSV (because believe it or not I have refused dessert and drank H20 instead of Coke and not had that 2nd helping of dinner), it sure has been a sweet one. And one that I'm proud to share with you today. In your face 305 pound BAP-21 pounds makes a difference!

Keep fighting,

Bethany

And The Journey Continues...

Hi friends Mom! It's day 1 of my 4 day weekend and gosh can I say I love working a summer schedule! 5 hours a day 4 days a week is such a reward from the 50-60 hour weeks I put in during the school year. Yesterday I even got kicked out of my office an hour early because our carpets were going to be cleaned. School schedules rock! (Remind me of that come September!)

This week has been a decent week for food intake & exercise. I missed 1 day this week of the gym and surprisingly, I was really upset about it. I felt so ashamed of not going and was frustrated with myself. I also overate a couple of days and am having trouble quelling my sweet tooth but I've only been over calories 1 day with the rest remaining within my limit or limit + exercise range. I can tell I feel so much better when I exercise and have kicked butt in the gym this week. Even though I still need to go to bed earlier, I have more energy.

One thing I am learning through this process is that every day brings a fresh start, a clean slate. If I happen to not do so great one day, it doesn't mean I'm a complete failure or that I am forever doomed. Even if I feel that way. It just means that I have to get back on track and make a more concentrated effort the next day. I think that's why I haven't succeeded in the past-because I would have 1 bad day of food choices or not working out and I would throw in the proverbial towel. But MFP really helps with that as well in that every morning I start out with 1500 calories. What I do with those is up to me, especially if I use them wisely and add to them through exercise or if I waste them on a temporary fix. I'm learning that beating myself up obviously hasn't worked so now it's time to be real and focus on one step, one choice at a time.

With our trip to NC 2 weeks away (YAY!), I'm doing some prep work in researching some exercises I can do since we won't be in a gym for at least 10 days. The good thing is that my parents have a treadmill and lucky for me, walking/jogging are things I can do outside if necessary (even in summer heat). I'm also checking out strength training and other exercises that will keep me on track while we are gone. We'll be at family reunions (w/huge meals) for 2 days and I'm already prepping for that-a spoonful of the things I want, not a plateful-and then we head to the beach for a few days. That part I can't wait for! We'll be going to the same beach where Z & I honeymooned and I'm looking forward to having some rest and spending some QT with my parents as well. Visits with friends as well as a surprise for Z will cap off the week and I can't wait. I only wish we had more time overall but 10 days is pretty darn good for a vacay. Can you tell I'm excited???

Guess I've gone on enough for now and Z & I have to leave soon for dinner/swimming with friends so...Sayonara for now!

Personal Best

Lemme just keep this short & sweet.

I set a personal best in the gym tonight: 12 minutes of jogging. That may not sound like much to a lot of people but to this 287 pound girl, it's a lot. And while it wasn't one long 12 minute stint (it was 7 and then 5), I'm pretty darn proud. You know why?

It's proof that I can do this.

It's proof that my body can handle it.

It's proof that I don't have to stay a 287 pound girl.

And one day, I won't be. You know why?

I'm taking it 12 minutes at a time.

I'm really tired...

Of writing entries that I never post. That's been going on for a while now. But it is no more.

About 12 days ago, I hit my breaking point. Not with life but with myself. I am DONE being the fat girl. I am DONE being the fat friend. I am DONE thinking about all the time I've wasted being lazy and self-serving rather than being active and self-denying. And so, as of June 14, I'm officially on the quest for healthiness. I wanted to write as soon as I made that decision but I also know that I move very prematurely sometimes.

So I waited. Then I waited. And I waited just a bit more.

And while 12 days is still not very long, I can feel and see a change in myself this time. Out of the past 11 days (my resolution was made late in the evening on day 1), I have been in the gym 10 days. I have a system, a rotation of sorts that helps me get in enough cardio and strength training. Hopefully on Monday, I'll be starting 2 a days meaning I'll be in the gym 2 times a day. With my summer work schedule (9am-2pm Monday through Thursday) I feel I'll be able to complete that challenge even though it is something I've never tried before. Heck, being in the gym once a day is barely something I've ever done before.

Paired with my time in the gym, I've also taken on healthier eating habits. Gone are the days of eating out twice a day or eating an entire entree by myself. Gone are the days of coming home from work and vegging on chips, Oreos or cake. Lately, my choices include more protein, fruits and veggies. I'm drinking more water and am trying to consume less processed food. A typical day of eating looks like this...

8:30am - 2 egg omelet w/ .25 cup cheddar cheese on .5 sandwich thin (This keeps me full for at least 4 hours.)

12:00 or 12:30pm - Carrot sticks with honey mustard; a turkey sandwich and yogurt; or a protein shake

5:00 or 6:00pm - Healthy dinner of something like nachos, oven-baked chicken tenders w/potatoes, veggie stir-fry w/brown rice, etc.

9:00pm - Snack of fruit & whipped cream or a cookie (Z has been making them lately)

That may not look like a lot but it's keeping me on my 1500 calories target and keeps me full all day. I think I'm most proud of this accomplishment.

To help me keep up with everything, I've been using an awesome app/online tool (MFP-myfitnesspal.com) and I'm aiming to hit 1500 calories per day. After setting up my basic profile, MFP tracks my food intake and keeps me on target for calorie, fat, carb, & protein intake. It has basically every food you can think of in its database and even has a way to just add calories if you know those and the food is not in the database. In addition to food, it also tracks water intake as well as daily exercise. The exercise database calculates the calories burned by an exercise in its database and then refigures the total number of calories per day by adding calories burned by exercise to the preset calorie goal. I can also weigh in and it will track my weight loss as well as having a community to use for encouragement, recipes, etc.

I'm hoping that all of the above mentioned items will create a 'perfect storm'. In the past, I have definitely started this journey and ended it basically before it even began but this time is different. I will not remain a 287 pound woman for the rest of my life. I am committed to being healthy for myself and my family (present and future). I was made for more than what I am now and only when I rely on God and push myself to continue this journey will I succeed. Failure is not an option and that's how I intend to think for the rest of my life. Which leads me to my way of thinking-a topic I'll be writing on next.

For now, I'm off to make the most of this Saturday afternoon and evening. And from me to you, make every step and every choice count!

Bethany

Grab Your Gym Bag

I just got home from a good workout at the gym.

Now there's a statement I never thought I'd type. But yes, it is true. I've always been a little terrified of gyms-scared that everyone's pointing and laughing at me (on the inside) and there are so many machines with so many different uses that I felt like I would never get the hang of it. In the past, I've gone to the gym at my college, two at different churches but this is the first fitness center that I have ever joined and paid for. Back in December, when I was really wanting to make a change in my health, we found Premier Fitness which we tried out for a few weeks (thanks to the management) and really came to like. They have a very diverse cardio area with numerous treadmills, ellipticals, stairclimbers and stationary bicycles. I've tried out all 4 of those and definitely enjoy the treadmill the most: a) because I can walk all day long (after 2 minutes on the bikes or elliptical, I can barely breathe); b) almost every treadmill has its own tv so I can watch a good show to pass the time; c) I feel that I know how to control my workout better with the options on the machine.

In addition to different group fitness classes (i.e. Zumba, spinning, cardio) Premier also has a huge weight lifting floor with additional space set aside for improv workouts with stability balls, jump ropes, and mats. I really love machines that are free weight style and use them pretty regularly. I find they are much like the ones I first learned in middle school with that crazy P.E. teacher of mine, Ms. Carter.

Aha! I may have found the reason I've been so afraid of gyms. Ms. Carter was quite an interesting character as the softball coach who only shaved her legs up to her knees but always wore shorts a few inches above that. I remember her super tan legs with all that blond hair showing. Ugh! Anyway, during the weightlifting portion of gym class, we would do circuits and rotate through various stations in the weight room and I remember how much I hated that. Mainly because I was always the weakest person in the class and also because if we didn't do a certain station correctly, she would bark orders like she was the queen German Shepherd. And I suppose she was but it still scared me.

For me, working out has always been viewed as a chore, something that should be done even though it's not all that great. First you gotta figure out where to workout, then what time, find gym clothes/water bottle/ipod/good music, then decide if you're doing a full work out or going light, decide about joining a class, make sure you don't fall while you'e there, etc., etc., etc. But you know, sometimes you just have to do like Nike said and "Just do it!" I'm really trying to work on my attitude to improve my chances of success with staying in the gym. I just have to make myself do it. Today, I would have totally rather taken a nap but I laid down for about 10 minutes and then just made myself go. When I got there, I pushed myself and kept thinking (and believing) that I could succeed. I did. And that's what I have to keep doing. I believe that it will be key for me especially this summer when the temperatures are in the 100's and I'm not able to exercise much outside-'cause you know TX has some HOT summers! Anyway, I just want to encourage myself to stay in the gym-find the best time to workout and just do it. In the end, it is just like a friend of mine said, "Going to the gym makes you feel skinny even when you're not." Eventually, I will be. : )

Current weight: 291 lbs.
Goal weight: 175 lbs.
Total to lose: 116 lbs.

Still working toward healthiness,
Bethany