Wherever You Go, There You Are

Yeah, this post has been a long time coming. Yeah, this post should have happened over a year ago. Yeah, I'm still ridiculously sporadic in my posting.

And that's me. Love me or leave me.

I'm not even going to offer the routine apology for my another extended absence. If you follow me, you ought to be used to my wanton desire to write but lack of actual writing. All the same, thanks for stopping in again.

Of course I'm posting because I'm back at it again. Back at working hard to lose weight. I've read a lot of success stories by truly inspiring people and I've organized my food/exercise time for (hopefully) optimum success for myself. Another major catalyst is that my life right now is very different than it ever has been before. Let me explain briefly, if mainly to encourage myself a little about why I am where I am...

In October of 2012, Z & I decided that we were going to move closer to my fam. Yes, we both had great jobs & I was on the path of a very successful career but we also both knew that there was more to life than work. At first, he had to convince me but thanks to some revealing events at work (read: a dictator boss) and personal reflection, I was able to accept that the time had come to move on. So on November 30, 2012, we quit our jobs, packed up our things, and made the long drive from TX to NC. (One of the weirdest feelings ever, knowing I was driving that stretch of I-20 but wouldn't be returning within the week-our typical trip.)

So we did what any excited 20-something year old couple seeking adventure would do, we moved in with my parents. Wow, what a difference 10 years makes (it's been that long since I've lived within 100 miles of my parents, much less 100 feet of them). Really though, they've been so gracious & giving toward us as we figure out where we are headed and I can tell you right now, the extra time spent with my nephew, H has more than paid off any personality clashes while living with the 'rents.

And that's where we are right now-'figuring out where we are headed'. I honestly have no clue what that means. We've interviewed for a youth pastor position at a church a couple of hours away but both of us had bad vibes on that so it's a no go. Z met the brother of a family friend at the church we attended last Sunday and we really enjoy it there. They don't have a youth pastor but also don't have the $ to pay one so who knows, we may end up volunteering some there.

What I do know for now is that this is the ONLY period of my life I can remember that I have had enough time (because, you know, working and making money is so overrated) to really work on myself. I want to make the most of this in every way possible-especially since the first 2 months literally flew by and now it's already February. Come join me for this (hopefully) wild, (at times very) sarcastic, but (inevitably) hilarious adventure of life-one step at a time.

My 1st Public NSV

Blog-lovelies, boy do I have some news for you!

Ok, many of you know healthy life-minded people know what an NSV (Non-Scale Victory) is but for those who don't, the way I define it is an exciting event that occurs on the journey that is healthiness related but is not in any way connected to the numbers on the scale. These events can be anything from sitting in a regular booth at a restaurant without feeling like your breath is being squeezed out of you to fitting into those a size of clothing that you haven't seen since middle school (or in my case, maybe elementary school).

Today, I had one of those experiences. Back in June on Father's Day weekend, Z & I went to Dallas to celebrate the holiday with his parents. We went to lunch and then stopped at a mall to check out a couple of things before heading back to their house. While we were at the mall, Z & I both found great deals on some clothes. At that time, I was all gung-ho on the weight loss train (still am, just the initial momentum has dwindled a bit) and I decided to do something daring. I found a pair of black leggings for $6 and had been wanting to try leggings for quite a while. I love the trendy look they give but also love that they are a modest option. Those leggings hung in my closet for weeks and I would see them every day and think about how great it would feel to wear them. Not only was my body image a bit too low to wear them with the confidence you need to pull off leggings, I also had no shirt that was quite right to wear with them except for a $7 one I had bought at the same time. When I tried that shirt on, it was a bit tight and not nearly comfortable enough for day-to-day wear.

So today as I stood in my closet trying to find the perfect outfit without wearing my 1 pair of summer pants I love or wearing shorts that I don't feel so good in. After going through multiple outfits, I finally decided to just try the leggings and shirt. To my amazement, they fit. And I looked pretty darn cute if I do say so myself. What do you think?

While this may not be my 1st official NSV (because believe it or not I have refused dessert and drank H20 instead of Coke and not had that 2nd helping of dinner), it sure has been a sweet one. And one that I'm proud to share with you today. In your face 305 pound BAP-21 pounds makes a difference!

Keep fighting,

Bethany

And The Journey Continues...

Hi friends Mom! It's day 1 of my 4 day weekend and gosh can I say I love working a summer schedule! 5 hours a day 4 days a week is such a reward from the 50-60 hour weeks I put in during the school year. Yesterday I even got kicked out of my office an hour early because our carpets were going to be cleaned. School schedules rock! (Remind me of that come September!)

This week has been a decent week for food intake & exercise. I missed 1 day this week of the gym and surprisingly, I was really upset about it. I felt so ashamed of not going and was frustrated with myself. I also overate a couple of days and am having trouble quelling my sweet tooth but I've only been over calories 1 day with the rest remaining within my limit or limit + exercise range. I can tell I feel so much better when I exercise and have kicked butt in the gym this week. Even though I still need to go to bed earlier, I have more energy.

One thing I am learning through this process is that every day brings a fresh start, a clean slate. If I happen to not do so great one day, it doesn't mean I'm a complete failure or that I am forever doomed. Even if I feel that way. It just means that I have to get back on track and make a more concentrated effort the next day. I think that's why I haven't succeeded in the past-because I would have 1 bad day of food choices or not working out and I would throw in the proverbial towel. But MFP really helps with that as well in that every morning I start out with 1500 calories. What I do with those is up to me, especially if I use them wisely and add to them through exercise or if I waste them on a temporary fix. I'm learning that beating myself up obviously hasn't worked so now it's time to be real and focus on one step, one choice at a time.

With our trip to NC 2 weeks away (YAY!), I'm doing some prep work in researching some exercises I can do since we won't be in a gym for at least 10 days. The good thing is that my parents have a treadmill and lucky for me, walking/jogging are things I can do outside if necessary (even in summer heat). I'm also checking out strength training and other exercises that will keep me on track while we are gone. We'll be at family reunions (w/huge meals) for 2 days and I'm already prepping for that-a spoonful of the things I want, not a plateful-and then we head to the beach for a few days. That part I can't wait for! We'll be going to the same beach where Z & I honeymooned and I'm looking forward to having some rest and spending some QT with my parents as well. Visits with friends as well as a surprise for Z will cap off the week and I can't wait. I only wish we had more time overall but 10 days is pretty darn good for a vacay. Can you tell I'm excited???

Guess I've gone on enough for now and Z & I have to leave soon for dinner/swimming with friends so...Sayonara for now!

Personal Best

Lemme just keep this short & sweet.

I set a personal best in the gym tonight: 12 minutes of jogging. That may not sound like much to a lot of people but to this 287 pound girl, it's a lot. And while it wasn't one long 12 minute stint (it was 7 and then 5), I'm pretty darn proud. You know why?

It's proof that I can do this.

It's proof that my body can handle it.

It's proof that I don't have to stay a 287 pound girl.

And one day, I won't be. You know why?

I'm taking it 12 minutes at a time.

I'm really tired...

Of writing entries that I never post. That's been going on for a while now. But it is no more.

About 12 days ago, I hit my breaking point. Not with life but with myself. I am DONE being the fat girl. I am DONE being the fat friend. I am DONE thinking about all the time I've wasted being lazy and self-serving rather than being active and self-denying. And so, as of June 14, I'm officially on the quest for healthiness. I wanted to write as soon as I made that decision but I also know that I move very prematurely sometimes.

So I waited. Then I waited. And I waited just a bit more.

And while 12 days is still not very long, I can feel and see a change in myself this time. Out of the past 11 days (my resolution was made late in the evening on day 1), I have been in the gym 10 days. I have a system, a rotation of sorts that helps me get in enough cardio and strength training. Hopefully on Monday, I'll be starting 2 a days meaning I'll be in the gym 2 times a day. With my summer work schedule (9am-2pm Monday through Thursday) I feel I'll be able to complete that challenge even though it is something I've never tried before. Heck, being in the gym once a day is barely something I've ever done before.

Paired with my time in the gym, I've also taken on healthier eating habits. Gone are the days of eating out twice a day or eating an entire entree by myself. Gone are the days of coming home from work and vegging on chips, Oreos or cake. Lately, my choices include more protein, fruits and veggies. I'm drinking more water and am trying to consume less processed food. A typical day of eating looks like this...

8:30am - 2 egg omelet w/ .25 cup cheddar cheese on .5 sandwich thin (This keeps me full for at least 4 hours.)

12:00 or 12:30pm - Carrot sticks with honey mustard; a turkey sandwich and yogurt; or a protein shake

5:00 or 6:00pm - Healthy dinner of something like nachos, oven-baked chicken tenders w/potatoes, veggie stir-fry w/brown rice, etc.

9:00pm - Snack of fruit & whipped cream or a cookie (Z has been making them lately)

That may not look like a lot but it's keeping me on my 1500 calories target and keeps me full all day. I think I'm most proud of this accomplishment.

To help me keep up with everything, I've been using an awesome app/online tool (MFP-myfitnesspal.com) and I'm aiming to hit 1500 calories per day. After setting up my basic profile, MFP tracks my food intake and keeps me on target for calorie, fat, carb, & protein intake. It has basically every food you can think of in its database and even has a way to just add calories if you know those and the food is not in the database. In addition to food, it also tracks water intake as well as daily exercise. The exercise database calculates the calories burned by an exercise in its database and then refigures the total number of calories per day by adding calories burned by exercise to the preset calorie goal. I can also weigh in and it will track my weight loss as well as having a community to use for encouragement, recipes, etc.

I'm hoping that all of the above mentioned items will create a 'perfect storm'. In the past, I have definitely started this journey and ended it basically before it even began but this time is different. I will not remain a 287 pound woman for the rest of my life. I am committed to being healthy for myself and my family (present and future). I was made for more than what I am now and only when I rely on God and push myself to continue this journey will I succeed. Failure is not an option and that's how I intend to think for the rest of my life. Which leads me to my way of thinking-a topic I'll be writing on next.

For now, I'm off to make the most of this Saturday afternoon and evening. And from me to you, make every step and every choice count!

Bethany