The Heart of the Matter

The Eagles sing a song by Don Henley with the above title and the message of that song is forgiveness. Here are the lyrics...

I got the call today, I didn't wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old true friend of ours was talkin' on the phone
She said you found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck, and the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are those voices outside love's open door
Make us throw off our contentment and beg for something more

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, I'm learning again
I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

Ah these times are so uncertain
There's a yearning undefined, and people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age
Ah the trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
They're the very things we kill, I guess
Ah pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us you know it doesn't keep me warm

I'm learning to live without you now
But I miss you baby
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I'd figured out
I have to learn again
I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter
But everything changes and my friends seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me anymore

There are people in your life who've come and gone
They let you down you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you baby; cause life goes on
You keep carryin' that anger, it'll eat you up inside, baby
I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak and my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think it's about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me

I've been tryin' to get down to the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak and the ashes will scatter
So I'm thinkin' about forgiveness, forgiveness
Even if, even if you don't love me.....
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Ok, ok, I know that's not a "Jesus" song as I term them but I believe this song has a very powerful message. For some reason (well, I know what reason), the topic of forgiveness has been slapping me in the face every time I turn around. I know all of us have been hurt by people at some point or another and I have experienced my share of pain. This song really hit home for me as I read the lyrics because of my most recent breakup and the hurt and resentment I feel as a result of how things ended. And there are more factors involving other people that play a part in my pain. The entire situation has just really broken my heart and I see how putting faith in other people can scar you-a lesson you'd think I'd have learned by now.

But on to forgiveness... Our church is going to start a study in February using R.T. Kendall's book "Total Forgiveness". I haven't read any of the book yet, I haven't purchased it, but I've read some critiques of it. Apparently there is a physician included in the book who, when dealing with patients with certain symptoms, questions them about the possibility of harboring bitterness and unforgiveness. If they do, he recommends Kendall's book because of the physical effects of such bitterness. It appears that harboring unforgiveness can cause extreme stress and people who do so are more unhappy and unhealthy than those who take action and forgive. Last night as I was reading "If Men Are Like Buses", the author spoke about forgiving and that "the sooner you are able to bless your enemies, those men (in this case) who hurt you, and release them, the sooner you will be in position to receive a blessing yourself". She speaks about unforgiveness causing us to say negative things-curses, as she terms them-that can come back upon us and keep us in bondage. And as she says, no person I've ever met is worth being in bondage over. Then this morning, pastor spoke about how we allow people and situations to steal from us-not just physical items but also our joy, our optimism, our hope, our faith as we wear our hearts on our sleeves. Though I will always wear my heart on my sleeve, I began to recognize a theme here. I know that it will be only through the grace of God that I will be able to forgive and forget. Forgiveness comes much easier than forgetfulness-I will need major God help on that one as I feel it is important to learn from past mistakes. And as if this information isn't enough to make me want to forgive the world, I did some further reading on the subject this evening. A friend had e-mailed me a website with a video and comments about forgiveness. One quote in particular completely knocked my socks off. It likened being unforgiving to sitting in a jail cell with the doors wide open.

See, forgiveness is not something that can be offered by the offender, it must be an act of the victim. How many times have I harbored unforgiveness in my heart against people, even now, when I was the only one that could solve the issue by offering to forgive them? It saddens me to think of all the time and energy that I've wasted robbing no one but myself from the joy and peace God wanted to provide. Even now in my current circumstance, the only reason I am suffering is because I am allowing another person to control this part of me. With God's help, I can forgive and move on. There is no sense to be made of me giving other people control of my life through my emotions as I have done. Each of us has the power, with the Lord's strength, to forgive those who mistreat and abuse us, releasing ourselves from the bondage we live in and giving God the go-ahead to bless us with life at its fullest. The devil would like nothing more than for us to sulk around in anger and resentment allowing other people to keep us from the abundant life God offers. He wants us to maintain a rival relationship with each other so as to keep us from the Lord's work. We must make a conscious decision to forgive those who have wronged us, ask forgiveness ourselves for feeling such, and then move on to the greater things God has for us. As a popular phrase puts it, I can either "get bitter or get better". And I'm choosing to get better!

So I'm taking a stand. I'm saying this: God, I have hurt in my heart. Help me to recognize the root of this hurt and to offer complete forgiveness to those who I feel caused it. I extend to those people total forgiveness and pray Your blessings for all my enemies. Show me the people in my life that I need to ask forgiveness from as well. Allow me to experience the peace that only You can bring so that I may be a better example of Your love to those around me. Thank you for your forgiveness to me that spans as far as the east is from the west. I plead the blood over my mistakes and submit to you my desire to release the hurt and pain that I have been harboring for far too long. You alone are my source and strength and in You alone can I put all my faith!