2 posts in one day-this is becoming addicting... But it's so therapeutic. I love it!
There's been a lot on my mind today with church and the usual contemplating of my faith. We started a corporate 21 day fast today-the whole church. And God was sooo good in our services (like I should doubt Him)! I had really been struggling with what to fast and what I am fasting for but God has really dealt with me in the past 24 hours.
I've been severely hurt by a relationship in the very recent past (less than a month ago) and I have really been trying to stay positive and draw closer to God but it has been such an obstacle. See, I thought I was in God's will in that relationship-the guy I was dating felt called to ministry, we had a LOT in common, we had similar passions and it just felt "right". But we are at different places in life. He's 4 years younger than me but I thought his maturity level was higher and that he felt ready to make a serious commitment. I was wrong but didn't discover such until I had completely changed my life for him. I left a good job, close proximity to my friends and family, and a comfortable life to move where he was-Texas. And less than 5 months into our relationship, we find ourselves at this crossroad and about a month ago we (he) ended things. I was trying to hold on in hopes he would mature and be the man I needed him to be-the man he told me he was-but he gave in to the pressure. There were many signs in our time together that things just weren't quite "right" but I really felt like I had heard from God so I pursued it. And now, I'm on my own doing my best to deal with the end of a relationship I thought was going to last forever. And the devil torments me every day.
I say all that to say that God has been working miracles in my life and especially my heart. About a year ago, I was in TN and there was a book sale at the local Christian bookstore. By the time I got done perusing the aisles, I had a basketful of books (I'm obssessed with books), of which I chose 10 to purchase. I read a few at the time but others haven't made it to my priority list. A bedtime ritual for me is reading for even just a few minutes and the other night I needed new material. So I found one of the books I bought at that sale and dug in. There was no particular reason I chose this book even in thinking about my failed relationship. But from the minute I began reading, I have hardly been able to put it down. The book is titled "If Men Are Like Buses, Then How Do I Catch One?" and is authored by Michelle McKinney Hammond. God divinely appointed me to read this book at this time because He knew exactly what I needed. The title may suggest that this book is about how to find a mate but it is so much more. It deals with how women should approach relationships with men and more importantly, the role and importance of our relationship with God. And the writing style is as ifHammond
In reading this book, I have found God dealing with me about the church fast. I truly feel that one reason God allowed my aforementioned relationship to end when it did is because He knew that I needed to get serious with Him and were I still dating, I wouldn't take the time to do so. As I mentioned in an earlier post-I say I want more of God but my actions don't portray that. But it's time that they do. I am so ready for God to move in me and to find total completeness in Him that I will sacrifice whatever I have to to get to Him. I am fully convinced that I did not just pick up and move my life to pursue a relationship that was doomed to fail. God has called me to more than that, to something deeper.
I have always felt called to ministry in my life. When I was younger I felt missions was my passion and it still is. There is a thrill in my heart when I serve others and have the opportunity to lead them to Jesus. But I feel this calling is in a different area than I originally thought. I also feel that God has called me to serve as a pastor's wife because my own life has been so shaped by the local church. I have such a passion to see people bond together as the body of Christ. In both of my last posts I have mentioned my love for women/girls and helping them realize their full potential and worth so that is another area I would like to serve. And a newly discovered desire is one to work with youth. I suppose that couples with my desire to teach but I never thought I would want to work with this age group at church. But I really do want to see them learn the foundational ideas about faith and prepare them to become responsible, Christian citizens and also to see the power that God Himself has and that serving Him has. So through this fast, I'm expecting God to work miracles in the area of my calling. He knows exactly what steps I should take and in what ways I should serve now. I'm committing this time to Him to really get to know Him and discover the plans He has for me. And I'm most excited that it gets to be time for just me and Him.
So what does all this mean??? I realize I may have rambled a bit but I really am beginning to see how God has used all of the pieces of my life to bring me to the brink of this powerful move of His Spirit. Romans8:28 is so true that "all things work together for the good those who love Him and are called according to His purpose". I never would have imagined in a million years that at 24, I'd be living on my own in a town I'd never heard of 1/2 way across the country from my parents and yet learning to be so content. God has completely changed my vision and the way I view this world and myself. He takes what the devil intends for destruction and turns it around into the biggest blessing ever. I would never be so pregnant with expectation and excitement without the steps I have taken to this point. The life lessons and the God lessons I have learned and am learning one day at a time are lessons I wouldn't trade for anything. Even now, I am amazed that God can take a nerdy, fairly average, chubby teen with her share of hurts and pain who just has a passion for people and wants to serve God in everything and break me into this willing vessel who still just wants to serve God with her whole heart and life.
Thank you God for being faithful, patient, forgiving and providing me with grace and mercy for each day and love that never ends and never fails! You are the true Lover of my soul!
There's been a lot on my mind today with church and the usual contemplating of my faith. We started a corporate 21 day fast today-the whole church. And God was sooo good in our services (like I should doubt Him)! I had really been struggling with what to fast and what I am fasting for but God has really dealt with me in the past 24 hours.
I've been severely hurt by a relationship in the very recent past (less than a month ago) and I have really been trying to stay positive and draw closer to God but it has been such an obstacle. See, I thought I was in God's will in that relationship-the guy I was dating felt called to ministry, we had a LOT in common, we had similar passions and it just felt "right". But we are at different places in life. He's 4 years younger than me but I thought his maturity level was higher and that he felt ready to make a serious commitment. I was wrong but didn't discover such until I had completely changed my life for him. I left a good job, close proximity to my friends and family, and a comfortable life to move where he was-Texas. And less than 5 months into our relationship, we find ourselves at this crossroad and about a month ago we (he) ended things. I was trying to hold on in hopes he would mature and be the man I needed him to be-the man he told me he was-but he gave in to the pressure. There were many signs in our time together that things just weren't quite "right" but I really felt like I had heard from God so I pursued it. And now, I'm on my own doing my best to deal with the end of a relationship I thought was going to last forever. And the devil torments me every day.
I say all that to say that God has been working miracles in my life and especially my heart. About a year ago, I was in TN and there was a book sale at the local Christian bookstore. By the time I got done perusing the aisles, I had a basketful of books (I'm obssessed with books), of which I chose 10 to purchase. I read a few at the time but others haven't made it to my priority list. A bedtime ritual for me is reading for even just a few minutes and the other night I needed new material. So I found one of the books I bought at that sale and dug in. There was no particular reason I chose this book even in thinking about my failed relationship. But from the minute I began reading, I have hardly been able to put it down. The book is titled "If Men Are Like Buses, Then How Do I Catch One?" and is authored by Michelle McKinney Hammond. God divinely appointed me to read this book at this time because He knew exactly what I needed. The title may suggest that this book is about how to find a mate but it is so much more. It deals with how women should approach relationships with men and more importantly, the role and importance of our relationship with God. And the writing style is as if
In reading this book, I have found God dealing with me about the church fast. I truly feel that one reason God allowed my aforementioned relationship to end when it did is because He knew that I needed to get serious with Him and were I still dating, I wouldn't take the time to do so. As I mentioned in an earlier post-I say I want more of God but my actions don't portray that. But it's time that they do. I am so ready for God to move in me and to find total completeness in Him that I will sacrifice whatever I have to to get to Him. I am fully convinced that I did not just pick up and move my life to pursue a relationship that was doomed to fail. God has called me to more than that, to something deeper.
I have always felt called to ministry in my life. When I was younger I felt missions was my passion and it still is. There is a thrill in my heart when I serve others and have the opportunity to lead them to Jesus. But I feel this calling is in a different area than I originally thought. I also feel that God has called me to serve as a pastor's wife because my own life has been so shaped by the local church. I have such a passion to see people bond together as the body of Christ. In both of my last posts I have mentioned my love for women/girls and helping them realize their full potential and worth so that is another area I would like to serve. And a newly discovered desire is one to work with youth. I suppose that couples with my desire to teach but I never thought I would want to work with this age group at church. But I really do want to see them learn the foundational ideas about faith and prepare them to become responsible, Christian citizens and also to see the power that God Himself has and that serving Him has. So through this fast, I'm expecting God to work miracles in the area of my calling. He knows exactly what steps I should take and in what ways I should serve now. I'm committing this time to Him to really get to know Him and discover the plans He has for me. And I'm most excited that it gets to be time for just me and Him.
So what does all this mean??? I realize I may have rambled a bit but I really am beginning to see how God has used all of the pieces of my life to bring me to the brink of this powerful move of His Spirit. Romans
Thank you God for being faithful, patient, forgiving and providing me with grace and mercy for each day and love that never ends and never fails! You are the true Lover of my soul!
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